The Stranger in Me

Victoria Goluch

Composition 101

Professor McGuire

04 September 2019

The Soul Beneath the Mask

Who am I? A question that claims to have been invented for individuals who fathom themselves, allowed to be answered by any "well rounded, put together, and self-driven intellectual”. Who I am? The question that continuously purges my thoughts as if it is a phantom of a sort. Picking and poking at all aspects of my developing body, only achieving to slice me in half. I have learned that Susan Sontag's "Plato's Cave" creates a deep connection between the morals in the piece and struggles I face within myself. The perfect person living through the eyes of the world separated from the true identity suppressed behind layers of physical, mental, and emotional standards. This is who I am.

Physically, I have been wired to strive for bodily excellence, the way I look dominates the way I am perceived. The social need is to eat healthy, exercise daily, stay groomed, and look my part. My day to day life consists of waking up at dawn to make sure my fashion of the day is accepted by those whose eyes constantly wander with judgment, because pinks never go with browns and whites worn after Labor Day are forbidden. Crucial, is making sure that every hair follicle on my head is gracefully placed in its rightful position. Shame on me if I leave my house with a single wave shown on my pin straight mane. Realistically, I genuinely couldn’t care less. I am an eighteen year old girl who lives off of feasting on unhealthy cuisine, whose exercise is running and prancing around getting procrastinated responsibilities done at the last second, and whose physical appearance, on most days has the desired look of a rough Monday morning. These characteristics have no correlation to the identity behind the mask. They are merely a protective layer against the evil eye. To conserve the integrity within. I am more than what my physical appearance claims me to be. I aim to prove to society that intellect is more valuable than materialistic appearances. After all, the saying claims to be "mind over matter" doesn't it?

Mentally, I am told to follow a specific mindset; get an education, excel in all aspects of intellectual grading, achieve a good career, make an image of yourself, and "you will never face any problems within your life". The world has embellished such a perfect sequence of events into the process of my life. I stick to the schedule with shudders blinding any outside distractions. The heavy weight pushing down on my shoulders testing every limit. The end goal must be met. Though I do not fully disagree with this set "destiny", I truly believe in more. I believe that even if life is considered to be a blessing to most; it is also meant for being a series of unfortunate events. To be able to have the mentality to live and to learn, to make the wrong choices, to rise above the ashes, and to become the individual these events shape you to be. Creating the idea that rather than binding yourself to the common objective, free yourself into a world filled with personality and opportunity. I do not follow the path forced onto me. I create my own way, on my own terms. I aim for a higher ground in my life, filled with success far from the standards and opportunity beyond its expectancy.

Emotionally, I am demanded to stay positive. To keep a smile on my face and pretend that everything in life is collected and in place. To have all other emotions encaged behind a closed door because vulnerability will label you as weak. To think with fragile and delicate intentions, resembling a flower in all its grace, due to the fact that the sound of your own thought may be deafening to society’s wishful standards. Truly, I understand what it feels like to have to be surrounded by a restless struggle with no sense of direction. My life has pushed me to my full extent and I have felt it all; depression, panic, anxiety, and anger. I have passed what seemed to have been my “breaking point” continuously over and over again as if on a constant rotation. I am mute. I portray false emotions within every situation because it's easier to give off the vibes that others want you to give rather than letting the emotions spill over and allowing the disappointment to flood my body. Betrayal, that is the axis that my world spins on. With what seemed to be every positive relationship made within my life, betrayal always found its way to arise from within its coven. Negativity spreads through the air like the plague and I become forced to shrivel back up into my hole. I constantly feel the need to stay on a neutral path of emotion due to the fear of spiraling out of control. I understand the need for change. I aspire to allow myself to feel again, to regain trust in myself and in others. To look at the world and its people in a brighter light instead of holding myself back from connections that could generate positivity rather than cause disaster.

Photography and media are dominant factors in our society today. Social media apps such as Instagram, Snapchat, and VSCO have made it easier for people to hide themselves behind a screen. Photoshop and digital effects have played their role in filtering the true reality of a person's personality, characteristics, and true nature. The more acceptance one has with oneself the more they realize that the world goes beyond an artificial screen. Photography is more than just an image it is a representation of who you are. It is how you perceive yourself and the world. It is being able to express yourself threw an image being able to show what you can't say. They say "A picture is worth a thousand words" but they are worth so much more than that when people look at a picture each person sees something different. For example if you were looking at a picture of a girl you might just see her as a random girl but some might see her as a friend, an enemy, a lover, a sister, a daughter... everyone will see her in a different way and that is the what photography is. It is looking at a picture of someone or something and seeing something that no one else will see. It is being able to interpret that picture in a way no one else can and see it in a way no one else will. “Photographed images do not seem to be statements about the world so much as pieces of it, miniatures of reality that anyone can make or acquire” (Sontag 4).

So... Who am I? I am not by any means a “ well rounded, put together, and self-driven intellectual”. I am a work in progress. And I am more than happy to be able to state the fact. I am an eighteen year old girl whose physical traits are a steady mess of ups and downs as the days go by. A believer whose mind reaches for the sky in hopes for a life filled with personal success. A somewhat damaged individual who proceeds to step on each stone on the path to balance and stability. But most importantly, I am a person. I have a body with a self made identity who lives and prospers inside. This is who I am.

Work Cited

Sontag, Susan. “In Plato’s Cave.” On Photography, Dell Publishing, 1977,

pp. 3-24. Composition Flipped,

writing101.net/flip/wp-content/resources/documents/sontag-in-platos-

cave.pdf.