A Rainbow Behind The Dark Clouds

Photos are a very static form of art, every time you see a photo it always stays the same so, when taking a photo of a person it is easy to display them in a certain light pun intended. Anyone can pretend to be something they aren’t in a photo. My selfie is no exception for several reasons. In my selfie, I am using a Snapchat filter which I had seven different options of filters I liked for this paper. This photo conveys pretty much nothing about me other then my favorite color is black. Filters also make it easy to take great photos. Selfies in general nowadays are only posted so that the one that posted gets attention, or to update on situations. Susan Sontag the author of “On Photography, In Plato’s Cave” agrees with the assessment that photography isn’t about the message it sends anymore. Sontag writes “Photography has become one of the principal devices for experiencing something, for giving an appearance of participation.” I think Sontag is right about photos just being posted for attention. I try to avoid posting selfies for this exact reason.

The self-portrait says a lot more about me than a selfie ever could but, at the same time, the self-portrait does not show the whole truth. It does not tell the whole truth because I believe one photo; no matter how vulnerable can describe a person fully. Also, I really do not believe I know myself fully. So how can I reveal my true self if I don’t even know myself? In this self-portrait, though I think I have done a decent job of revealing my inner self. There is a lot going on in the self-portrait but everything in it has a reason for being there. First, off the black shirt and skeleton silhouette necklace portray the tough outer shell I normally put up for people I don’t know well. The hair in my face stands for my anxiety when it comes to talking to others and pretty much anything. It also represents my rather low opinion of myself and finally, it also displays how I don’t truly know myself either. To explain the rest of my self-portrait I basically found a bunch of items that represent some part of my identity. To start I love music, I have been in choir for almost all my life and music really has helped me through some bad times. My Spotify is full of a weird mix of metal, Disney, musicals, movie themes, and other odd songs I’ve picked up from things. To represent music in the photo I have some sheet music, a treble clef necklace, a choir pin, and a mask pin. The mask pin represents the musical theater side of music. It also stands for a love of musicals and plays. Which I’ve been in several productions in my life. This ties to another part of myself which is fandoms. In the photo there is a lot of fandom necklaces, pins and key chains displayed. I once tried to count the number of fandoms I’m in and the number was over 60. Honestly, I have more Hogwarts house pride then pride for my actual school, I am a proud Slytherin which not many people can tell because usually my ambitions are being controlled by my anxiety. Anyway, I like fandoms so much because to me they offer an escape from reality. Without them, I probably would be in a very bad mental state because I hate how harsh reality can be and it offers a distraction from my anxiety. Because of this whole crusade to escape reality I have developed a huge love of reading and video games. I used to go to the library and check out stacks of books to read. In the portrait, reading is represented by the book and video games the door wedge... I mean 2DS. Nowadays however most of my gaming is done on PC rather than a more traditional system. Another side effect of the need to have fantasy in my life is I have made a few cosplays and have been to a few cons. This is represented by the con passes in the photo. My first con was Con-Alt-Delete which my cousin took me to. My second con was Anime Midwest and I went with my best friend and my boyfriend. This leads me to the reasoning behind the 11 plastic knives and photo booth pictures. The story behind the knives is that last year at lunch every Wednesday they would have cake so two of my friends would buy the cake and also raid the plastic knife bins. We ended up calling it knife day and when the rest of us asked them why they said: “We’re saving the turtles”. It may be slightly weird but the teachers never said anything so they just kept doing it. Seriously a teacher once came over to tell them to quiet down and clearly saw the knives but didn’t say a word. The reason for 11 of them is I have 11 friends in that friend group and, all of us are really close because we all are rather weird and chaotic. I consider them my real family. My biological family barely know anything about the actual me. My friends, however, know as much as I do about me. My friend group actually supports each other fully unlike most of our families. It may be because all of us are part of the LGBT community and we banded together for mutual support and for the good vibes. Which in the photo is represented by the pride necklace that says “hate sucks”. This is a big part of my life because I was raised catholic so trying to accept that I’m a panromantic asexual was rather difficult. Then recently I realized that I’m non-binary so LGBT rights are a big part of my life. When I finally got my hair cut short I was so happy. I finally was able to feel more like myself then I have in years. One of the final things to explain is the seven dice of different shapes. These dice are for Dungeons and Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons is one of the games (as well as other tabletop role-play games) that brought the friend group closer. D&D is also another thing that helps me to escape reality because of all the character creation. Now to tie the majority of the things that represent me together are the fake blood and the Happy Halloween light. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday because I loved the costumes and decorations. My mom when I was little always called herself the wicked witch of the west, and inspired in me the love of fictional things. Also because of this love for Halloween I love scary things as well as other unusual things, for example, I think the number 13 is lucky and I wanted a black cat as a pet. The last thing in the self-portrait to explain is the meme, which is kind of self-explanatory but I love memes. I am able to think in old Vine references as well as fandom quotes if need be. My friend group as well is full of meme lords like myself. The particular meme I put in the photo may be rather dead but it was a needed format because I absolutely hate everything about this project. I don’t like this project because I hate taking photos and being forced to talk about myself. There are a few more core things to my being but I didn’t know how to represent them properly in the photo but here they are. One is dinosaurs, I saw Jurassic Park at a super young age and from Kindergarten to Second Grade I wanted to be a paleontologist. Even over the summer, I was in a natural history exhibit in Scotland and the one worker asked if I wanted her job because I got every question she asked me and my group right also with the scientific terminology and I could explain the science behind it. Two, I love history, I don’t know why but I find the past fascinating. Three natural sciences, volcanoes, tornadoes and other natural disasters I find super neat. All of these things about me I usually try to keep hidden because I am weird compared to the average person my age and I would rather not feel judged. Also, my anxiety won’t let me be too extroverted in public most of the time.

Between the two photos, there isn’t much of a comparison the selfie is me hiding behind a mask. The selfie makes me seem confident which is complete nonsense the self-portrait shows my lack of confidence because I hid my face. Even though with my hair cut I have more confidence it still doesn’t overrule the anxiety of talking to people I don’t know. "The picture may distort; but there is always a presumption that exists, or did exist, which is like what’s in the picture"- Sontag. I agree with that assessment because even in the self-portrait the interpretation is still up to the reader. The explanation of the self-portrait still doesn't mean the interpretation has changed. Also, the attempt to show the truth may in some parts be lost to those seeing it. It's like the "Auschwitz Selfie" Breanna did explain why she took the infamous selfie however, the views of people weren't fully shifted. The interpretation of photographs is like mood and tone in normal writing, only the author knows the true tone of the piece and only the reader knows the mood in the piece. A photo alone will never no matter how much explanation truly reveals the stranger in me.

Citations

Dewey, Caitlin. “The Other Side of the Infamous ‘Auschwitz Selfie.’” The Washington Post, WP Company, 22 July 2014, www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/07/22/the-other-side-of-the-infamous-auschwitz-selfie/.

Sontag, Susan. Susan Sontag In Plato's Cave from: On Photography . sites.uci.edu/01807w14/files/2014/02/SontagSusan_InPlatosCave.pdf.

Plato. Plato's Allegory In The Cave, writing101.net/flip/wp- content/resources/documents/plato_the_allegory_of_the_cave.pdf.