Place of Mind

Have you ever wondered what the landscape would look like without houses or roads? I do a lot. Humans have shaped the land to build great things, using materials that had to be made such as steal. While it may seem normal to us to a person from another time period it would look wrong. I’ve lived in my house for 16 years and before now I’ve never really stopped to consider if anyone lived on the land before the house built. For all, I know a dinosaur could have lived and died here but, due to the different ice ages and glaciers, no traces of dinosaurs in Illinois were left behind. In more recent times settlers and Native Americans moved across the plains. There have been so many different people and humans to cross the same spot in which I live yet I can’t imagine what my neighborhood would have looked like without houses. Nor can I imagine their reactions if they saw the place today. While all of that is mind-blowing the more important question is, what about inside my house? Do I know it as well as I think I do? Finally, if my family moves out will the new owners know anything about it? Or will I too become part of an unknown history?

My house has four bedrooms on the second floor. Out of the four, one is mine, one is my parents, one is a spare room and finally, we come to the room with the most interesting history. This room the one shown in the photograph all the way on the left, used to be my room when I was little. However, I hated that room and moved to my current one. When my Nonna moved in, in 2017 it became her room. She sadly also died in that room on October 30th, 2019. She became the first person to die in this house. This knowledge wouldn’t be obvious to strangers but, to me, it is always on my mind. I used to associate that room with nightmares and a cold temperature, then with Nonna’s room and now it’s just an empty room with a lingering bad vibe. Others probably wouldn’t even feel the bad vibe I get. To them, it’s just another room, in a house. It truly is hard to imagine how new homeowners would react to the room. If they were superstitious the might leave it unused. If they weren’t maybe they would make it their kid’s room. Or may the past would just seem unreal and this photo no more than an old photo. Author Roland Barthes in his work titled Camera Lucida says “everything which happens within the frame dies absolutely once this frame is passed beyond. When we define the Photograph as a motionless image, this does not mean only that the figures it represents do not move; it means that they do not emerge, do not leave: they are anesthetized and fastened down, like butterflies.” This is a meaningful statement because often times when we see pictures of strange people/places we forget that it is real.

Another question that would be raised about my house is my room itself. I spend most of my time in it; as such it has a lot of things that have been customized over the years. The most obvious customization is shown in the photograph second from the left, the paint on the walls. I colored the walls back in like 2010. I being an outgoing child wanted my room to be very colorful and decided that, that color scheme would be great. The only stipulation on this freedom to chose was that the colors I chose be light. A new person coming in would probably think a young girl lived in this room, even though it hasn’t been updated in years. I don’t like the paint anymore but, I’m too busy to find the time to straighten up my room enough/move important things out to repaint. The paint now sometimes makes my room a stranger to me if I look at it too closely. I have no idea why I wanted the bottoms of the walls pink. I hate pink and always have.

A smaller question that would be raised by my room is a certain part of the ceiling (middle picture). Those spots used to be the home to several glow in the dark stars. A new owner would probably have several questions and be annoyed by the spots on the ceiling. Or they might not question the history of the spots. I personally prefer the spots over the stars simply because the spots don’t fall on my head when I’m sleeping. I at this point don’t even remember what the stars looked like on the ceiling. That whole time period is like a memory from a barely remembered dream. It’s hard to even remember that some of the stars weren’t just white some were blue and pink. Also, the stars were different sizes.

On the sliding door to the backyard, there is a mark (Second to the right photo). Many would ignore it, I don’t even think my parents have noticed it and just accepted it being there. However, it is rather recent. In September of 2019, I hosted a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. My entire friend group was there. We were having fun being our chaotic selves until we decided to go to the park. On the way back to my house a few of us locked the others out. My boyfriend decided to start knocking on the glass with a big stick. The mark was formed then. Lucky me my parents didn’t notice but, I’m willing to be new owners wouldn’t be happy. They wouldn’t care about how it was formed, or about all the happy times and parties that have been held in this house.

The final part of the house with special significance has no obvious signs of being special. This patch of floor is one of the most important spots in the house to me. It probably all started in 2nd grade before I got glasses because the tv screen was too hard to see so I started sitting on the floor. Once I finally got glasses and was able to see I still sat down there. I’ve spent so much time there playing video games, watching movies and tv series. When friends come over and I sit on the ground with a wall of blankets protecting my back from the coffee table they usually get really confused at first. If anyone new moved in they wouldn’t see anything special about the carpet there even if I see a bunch of pleasant memories. Whether it be finally winning a boss battle or, seeing a happy ending. I have always had an adventure sitting on that spot.

There are of course a ton more little nuances in the house. For example, the traces of where I once drew on the wall when I was little, but sometimes deeper meaning isn’t in the obvious places and is right in plain sight, like the paint on my bedroom walls. Other times the strange things can differ depending on the person reading. Just like how in photography people like different photos, some people see different meanings in places. A new owner would never be able to see what I saw here and if I came back to the house long after I moved out, I myself would see a strange place I once knew.

Citations

Barthes, Roland. Camera Lucida. Translated by Richard Howard, Hill & Wang, 1980, pp. 16-59. Composition Flipped, Michael McGuire, writing101.net/flip/wp-content/resources/documents/camera_lucida_excerpt.pdf.