Rosh Hashanah

Tanakh

וַיָּבֹ֤אוּ שָׁם֙ הַגִּבְעָ֔תָה וְהִנֵּ֥ה חֶבֶל־נְבִאִ֖ים לִקְרָאת֑וֹ וַתִּצְלַ֤ח עָלָיו֙ ר֣וּחַ אֱלֹהִ֔ים וַיִּתְנַבֵּ֖א בְּתוֹכָֽם׃ 

"They [Sh'muel and Shaul] came there, to Giv’a, and here, a band of prophets, [coming] to meet him! The rushing-spirit of G-d advanced upon him, and he ranted-like-a-prophet in their midst." — Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 10:10; 1995 Schocken Bible Everett Fox translation

וְר֧וּחַ יי סָ֖רָה מֵעִ֣ם שָׁא֑וּל וּבִעֲתַ֥תּוּ רֽוּחַ־רָעָ֖ה מֵאֵ֥ת יי׃ 

"Now the spirit of Hashem departed from Sha’ul, and an evil spirit from Hashem began to torment him." — Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 16:14; 1995 Schocken Bible Everett Fox translation

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

כִּי הַכְּלִי הוּא הִתְאַסְּפוּת הָרוּחַ, וְהוּא מְעֹרָב טוֹב וָרַע. כִּי יֵשׁ עַצְבוּת רוּחַ, רוּחַ נְכֵאָה, רוּחַ רָעָה, כַּנֶּאֱמָר בְּשָׁאוּל (שמואל־א טז): וּבִעֲתַתּוּ רוּחַ רָעָה. וְיֵשׁ רוּחַ טוֹבָה, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב (תהלים קמג): רוּחֲךָ טוֹבָה תַּנְחֵינִי בְּאֶרֶץ מִישׁוֹר; וְהוּא בְּחִינַת רוּחַ נְבוּאָה, רוּחַ־הַקֹּדֶשׁ. 

"For an instrument is a gathering of the ruach, which is a mixture of good and evil. There is a ruach of depression, a gloomy ruach, a ruach of evil, as it is said of Shaul, “an evil ruach began to terrify him” (1 Samuel 16:14). There is also a good ruach, as it is written, “Let Your good ruach guide me on level ground” (Psalms 143:10). This is the aspect of the ruach of prophecy, Divine ruach." — Likutei Moharan 54:7:2 by Moshe Mykoff; 1995 Schocken Bible Everett Fox translation

High Holidays Drash

"Everyone must have two pockets, with a note in each pocket, so that he or she can reach into the one or the other, depending on the need. When feeling low, discouraged, or disconsolate, one should reach into the right pocket and, there, find the words: For my sake was the world created. But when feeling high and mighty one should reach into the left pocket and find the words: I am but dust and ashes."  — Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Peschischa (1765-1827); Covenant and Conversation Family Edition by Rabbi Baron Jonathan Sacks, Vayeitze III:8 (2023)

Date Finished: 

April 28, 2025

Description

The first time I heard of this phrase, I thought of my own mental health issues. One sentence often accompanied with this is that many people use each pocket at the inappropriate time. Then I thought of Shaul and his emotional lability. Many motifs in Shaul HaMelech's narrative correspond to High Holiday elements: pomegranates (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 14:2; Sh'muel Bet (Samuel II) 4:2), honey (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 14:27), and the near sacrifice of a son (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 14:45) and leadership as the head (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 15:17). If one subscribes to the theory that Sh'muel's birth story was Shaul's originally, then that also counts as another High Holiday reference since that is the haftarah for Rosh Hashanah Day 1 with Chana being used as the model for ideal prayer. Like Avraham, Shaul was initially buried under a tamarisk tree (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 31:13). Notably also, the rabbis use Shaul as the example of individual return to Hashem (teshuvah; also translated as repentance) and pardon (Berakhot 12b:10) and claim that Hashem pardoned Shaul for his transgressions (Berakhot 12b:12-13). Shaul's nachalah/yahrzeit occured on Elul 28 (Seder Olam Rabbah 13:1), only 2 days before Rosh Hashanah during the time of s'lichot (repentant prayers made to prepare our minds for the High Holidays). This day also serves as the anniversary for the fourth day of creation when Hashem made the sun, moon, and stars. The High Holidays are all about improving oneself to behave better towards others and Hashem. Teshuvah is often thought as a return to one's ideal self, and many rabbis talk about Shaul's good character.

Within the Talmud tractate on Yom Kippur (Yoma), the rabbis expand on where Shaul was mistaken when he wrestled with Hashem in the valley regarding Amalek (Yoma 22b:8) and how David and Shaul's mistakes were counted differently for them (Yoma 22b:10). After Rabbi Nachman bar Yitzchak insults Shaul by claiming that Shaul was compared to a one-year old because Shaul played in the mud like a one year old, either Hashem, Shaul, or both of them haunted Rabbi Nachman with frightful dreams. When Rabbi Nachman repented and repaired Shaul's reputation, Shaul forgave him, and the nighmares ceased (Yoma 22b:18). The page continues with how leaders must have flaws in one's background because otherwise, our successors can become too haughty (Yoma 22b:19). 

Yom Kippur is a time to forgive, but the rabbis also warn against unilateral forgiveness since "one who is merciful to the cruel becomes cruel to the merciful" (Yoma 22b:9; Midrash Tehillim 7:20; Midrash Tanchuma Metzora Siman 1:1). Shaul's story shows the power of teshuva as well as the danger of using pardon unilaterally.

Mental Health and the High Holidays

High Holidays can be a stressful time for those with mental illness (myself included) since it involves heavy existential thinking about life and death. In severe cases, our mental illnesses can have us wish for death instead of life. Even Yom Kippur's afternoon haftarah references the wish for death over life with Yonah (Jonah 1:12, 4:3, 4:8) The Yom Kippur fast can also endanger those who have struggled with eating disorders.

The other reason I wanted to draw this is to expand on how I and many scholars interpret Shaul through the bipolar disorder lens (Jewish Study Bible; Ben-Noun 2003; Felman 2014; Nissan 2010; Stein 2011). We know that Shaul had to deal with the ruach ra'ah on a regular basis from chapter 16 onward with many describing Shaul as depressed and terrified with nightmares (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14; Likutei Moharan 54:7:2). Some sources claim that he was tormented until he was no longer conscious (Radak on I Samuel 16:14:1) while other sources suggest that it took the form of psychosomatic sensations of choking (Josephus, The Antiquities of the Jews 6:8:2). Abardanel expands his thoughts further in that he says that the ruach ra'ah caused him to preoccupy on his punishment (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14). However, Stein commented that the fits of prophecy with others in chapter 10 may have actually been early manic episodes (Stein 2011), which would make sense for the disorder's course. Not only this but the language referring to Shaul gaining prophecy in the positive sense uses the same word of ruach from Hashem with similar behavior based on the Fox translation. "Ranting like a prophet" describes his behavior when prophecy rests on Shaul positively and also when more destructive episodes occur (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 18:10; 19:9; 19:23). From the modern lens, it would suggest both are the sides of the same disorder, and based on the evidence, bipolar I disorder seems to fit the best.

I interpret Shaul through the lens of post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety as well, but I wanted to primarily capture the bipolarity with this drawing.

Tanakh

וּנְתָֽנְךָ֨ יי לְרֹאשׁ֙ וְלֹ֣א לְזָנָ֔ב וְהָיִ֙יתָ֙ רַ֣ק לְמַ֔עְלָה וְלֹ֥א תִהְיֶ֖ה לְמָ֑טָּה כִּֽי־תִשְׁמַ֞ע אֶל־מִצְוֺ֣ת ׀ יי אֱלֹהֶ֗יךָ אֲשֶׁ֨ר אָנֹכִ֧י מְצַוְּךָ֛ הַיּ֖וֹם לִשְׁמֹ֥ר וְלַעֲשֽׂוֹת׃ 

"Hashem will make you the head and not the tail, you will only be up, you will not be down, —if you hearken to the commandments of Hashem your God, which I command you today, by taking care and by observing [them]," - Nitzavim (Devarim) 28:13

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר שְׁמוּאֵ֔ל הֲל֗וֹא אִם־קָטֹ֤ן אַתָּה֙ בְּעֵינֶ֔יךָ רֹ֛אשׁ שִׁבְטֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל אָ֑תָּה וַיִּמְשָׁחֲךָ֧ יי לְמֶ֖לֶךְ עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ 

"Shemuel said: 'Though you may be too small in your own eyes, you are head of the tribes of Israel, for Hashem has anointed you as king over Israel!'" - Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 15:17

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

וְטַעַם לְרֹאשׁ וְלֹא לְזָנָב, בֵּאוּרוֹ לְרֹאשׁ לְכָל הָעַמִּים וְלֹא לְזָנָב לְאֶחָד מִכָּל הַגּוֹיִם, כִּי יִתָּכֵן שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לְרֹאשׁ עַל עַמִּים רַבִּים וְזָנָב לְעַם אֶחָד נִכְבָּד מִמֶּנּוּ. וְהַנָּכוֹן שֶׁיִּתֶּנְךָ לְרֹאשׁ מֵעַתָּה וְלֹא לְזָנָב עַד עוֹלָם בְּאֶחָד מִכָּל הָעִתִּים, וְכֵן רַק לְמַעְלָה תָּמִיד וְלֹא תִּהְיֶה לְמָטָּה לְעוֹלָם:

"AND THE ETERNAL WILL MAKE THEE THE HEAD, AND NOT THE TAIL. The meaning thereof is that He will make you the head of all peoples and not the tail of any one of the nations, for it is possible that you will be the head of many peoples and yet be the tail of one nation more distinguished than you. The correct interpretation is that He will henceforth make you the head and at no time will you ever be the tail. Similarly, thou shalt be above only always, and thou shalt not be beneath forever." - Ramban on Deuteronomy 28:13

רֹאשׁ שִׁבְטֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אָתָּה. תִּרְגֵּם יוֹנָתָן: ״שִׁבְטָא דְבִנְיָמִין עֲבַר בְּיַמָּא בְּרֵישׁ כָּל עַמָּא״, כְּמָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים סח:כח): ״בִּנְיָמִין צָעִיר רֹדֵם״: 

"You are the head of the tribes of Yisroel. Targum Yonoson renders, 'the tribe of Binyomin crossed the [Reed] Sea ahead of all the people, as it is said, 'Binyomin, the youngest, rules them.' *Tehillim 68:28. You did not follow in Binyomin’s tradition of taking charge and leading the people without questioning the command of ‘ה. You have thus forfeited the merit by which you became king." - Rashi on Samuel I 15:17

Date Finished: 

September 12, 2025

Description

This serves as a prequel to "You and Your Father's House." 

I intended to write the word rosh (רֹאשׁ) to be present throughout since it means head, chief/leader, and beginning but also venom. However, I accidentally spelt it as rosh (רוֹשׁ), which unambiguously means poison (specifically a poisonous plant like wormwood). Ultimately, having leadership thrust upon Shaul poisoned his mental state transforming a simple country youth into a mentally troubled king. He can't see the head of the fish leading to greatness. All he can see are the eyes watching him.

Fish are a major symbol of Rosh Hashanah especially in Sephardic communities.

Mental Health and the High Holidays

High Holidays can be a stressful time for those with mental illness (myself included) since it involves heavy existential thinking about life and death. In severe cases, our mental illnesses can have us wish for death instead of life. Even Yom Kippur's afternoon haftarah references the wish for death over life with Yonah (Jonah 1:12, 4:3, 4:8) The Yom Kippur fast can also endanger those who have struggled with eating disorders.

The other reason I wanted to draw this is to expand on how I and many scholars interpret Shaul through the bipolar disorder lens (Jewish Study Bible; Ben-Noun 2003; Felman 2014; Nissan 2010; Stein 2011). We know that Shaul had to deal with the ruach ra'ah on a regular basis from chapter 16 onward with many describing Shaul as depressed and terrified with nightmares (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14; Likutei Moharan 54:7:2). Some sources claim that he was tormented until he was no longer conscious (Radak on I Samuel 16:14:1) while other sources suggest that it took the form of psychosomatic sensations of choking (Josephus, The Antiquities of the Jews 6:8:2). Abardanel expands his thoughts further in that he says that the ruach ra'ah caused him to preoccupy on his punishment (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14). However, Stein commented that the fits of prophecy with others in chapter 10 may have actually been early manic episodes (Stein 2011), which would make sense for the disorder's course. Not only this but the language referring to Shaul gaining prophecy in the positive sense uses the same word of ruach from Hashem with similar behavior based on the Fox translation. "Ranting like a prophet" describes his behavior when prophecy rests on Shaul positively and also when more destructive episodes occur (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 18:10; 19:9; 19:23). From the modern lens, it would suggest both are the sides of the same disorder, and based on the evidence, bipolar I disorder seems to fit the best.

I interpret Shaul through the lens of post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety as well, but I wanted to primarily capture the bipolarity with this drawing.

Tanakh

דַּבֵּ֛ר אֶל־בְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל לֵאמֹ֑ר בַּחֹ֨דֶשׁ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֜י בְּאֶחָ֣ד לַחֹ֗דֶשׁ יִהְיֶ֤ה לָכֶם֙ שַׁבָּת֔וֹן זִכְר֥וֹן תְּרוּעָ֖ה מִקְרָא־קֹֽדֶשׁ׃ 

"Speak to the Children of Israel, saying: In the seventh month, on [day] one of the month, you are to have Sabbath-ceasing, a reminder by [horn-]blasting, a proclamation of holiness." - Vayikra 23:24 

וּבַחֹ֨דֶשׁ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֜י בְּאֶחָ֣ד לַחֹ֗דֶשׁ מִֽקְרָא־קֹ֙דֶשׁ֙ יִהְיֶ֣ה לָכֶ֔ם כׇּל־מְלֶ֥אכֶת עֲבֹדָ֖ה לֹ֣א תַעֲשׂ֑וּ י֥וֹם תְּרוּעָ֖ה יִהְיֶ֥ה לָכֶֽם׃ 

"And in the seventh month, on [day] one of the month, a proclamation of holiness there is to be for you: any-kind of servile work you are not to do. A day of [horn-]blasts it is to be for you." - Bamidbar 29:1

וַיַּ֣ךְ יוֹנָתָ֗ן אֵ֣ת נְצִ֤יב פְּלִשְׁתִּים֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר בְּגֶ֔בַע וַֽיִּשְׁמְע֖וּ פְּלִשְׁתִּ֑ים וְשָׁאוּל֩ תָּקַ֨ע בַּשּׁוֹפָ֤ר בְּכׇל־הָאָ֙רֶץ֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר יִשְׁמְע֖וּ הָעִבְרִֽים׃ 

"And Yonatan struck the garrison of the Philistines that was in Geva, and the Philistines heard [about it]. And Sha’ul sounded the shofar throughout all the land, saying: Let the Hebrews hearken!" - Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 13:3

בַּ֭חֲצֹ֣צְרוֹת וְק֣וֹל שׁוֹפָ֑ר הָ֝רִ֗יעוּ לִפְנֵ֤י ׀ הַמֶּ֬לֶךְ יי׃ 

"With trumpets and the blast of the horn
raise a shout before Hashem, the King." - Tehillim 98:6

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

Date Finished: 

September 18, 2025

Description

Mental Health and the High Holidays

High Holidays can be a stressful time for those with mental illness (myself included) since it involves heavy existential thinking about life and death. In severe cases, our mental illnesses can have us wish for death instead of life. Even Yom Kippur's afternoon haftarah references the wish for death over life with Yonah (Jonah 1:12, 4:3, 4:8) The Yom Kippur fast can also endanger those who have struggled with eating disorders.

The other reason I wanted to draw this is to expand on how I and many scholars interpret Shaul through the bipolar disorder lens (Jewish Study Bible; Ben-Noun 2003; Felman 2014; Nissan 2010; Stein 2011). We know that Shaul had to deal with the ruach ra'ah on a regular basis from chapter 16 onward with many describing Shaul as depressed and terrified with nightmares (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14; Likutei Moharan 54:7:2). Some sources claim that he was tormented until he was no longer conscious (Radak on I Samuel 16:14:1) while other sources suggest that it took the form of psychosomatic sensations of choking (Josephus, The Antiquities of the Jews 6:8:2). Abardanel expands his thoughts further in that he says that the ruach ra'ah caused him to preoccupy on his punishment (Abardanel on I Samuel 16:14). However, Stein commented that the fits of prophecy with others in chapter 10 may have actually been early manic episodes (Stein 2011), which would make sense for the disorder's course. Not only this but the language referring to Shaul gaining prophecy in the positive sense uses the same word of ruach from Hashem with similar behavior based on the Fox translation. "Ranting like a prophet" describes his behavior when prophecy rests on Shaul positively and also when more destructive episodes occur (Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 18:10; 19:9; 19:23). From the modern lens, it would suggest both are the sides of the same disorder, and based on the evidence, bipolar I disorder seems to fit the best.

I interpret Shaul through the lens of post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety as well, but I wanted to primarily capture the bipolarity with this drawing.

Tanakh

וְיוֹנָתָ֣ן לֹא־שָׁמַ֗ע בְּהַשְׁבִּ֣יעַ אָבִיו֮ אֶת־הָעָם֒ וַיִּשְׁלַ֗ח אֶת־קְצֵ֤ה הַמַּטֶּה֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר בְּיָד֔וֹ וַיִּטְבֹּ֥ל אוֹתָ֖הּ בְּיַעְרַ֣ת הַדְּבָ֑שׁ וַיָּ֤שֶׁב יָדוֹ֙ אֶל־פִּ֔יו (ותראנה) [וַתָּאֹ֖רְנָה] עֵינָֽיו׃  

"Now Yonatan had not heard when his father had made the people swear, so he stretched out the edge of the staff that was in his hand and dipped it into the honeycomb; then he returned his hand to his mouth, and his eyes brightened." - Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 14:27

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר שָׁאוּל֙ אֶל־י֣וֹנָתָ֔ן הַגִּ֥ידָה לִּ֖י מֶ֣ה עָשִׂ֑יתָה וַיַּגֶּד־ל֣וֹ יוֹנָתָ֗ן וַיֹּ֩אמֶר֩ טָעֹ֨ם טָעַ֜מְתִּי בִּקְצֵ֨ה הַמַּטֶּ֧ה אֲשֶׁר־בְּיָדִ֛י מְעַ֥ט דְּבַ֖שׁ הִנְנִ֥י אָמֽוּת׃ {ס}  

"Sha’ul said to Yonatan: ''Tell me what you have done!' So Yonatan told him; he said: 'I tasted, yes, tasted with the edge of the staff that was in my hand, a little honey. Here I am; I will die.'" - Sh'muel Aleph (Samuel I) 14:43

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר נְחֶמְיָ֣ה ה֣וּא הַתִּרְשָׁ֡תָא וְעֶזְרָ֣א הַכֹּהֵ֣ן ׀ הַסֹּפֵ֡ר וְהַלְוִיִּם֩ הַמְּבִינִ֨ים אֶת־הָעָ֜ם לְכׇל־הָעָ֗ם הַיּ֤וֹם קָדֹֽשׁ־הוּא֙ לַיי אֱלֹהֵיכֶ֔ם אַל־תִּֽתְאַבְּל֖וּ וְאַל־תִּבְכּ֑וּ כִּ֤י בוֹכִים֙ כׇּל־הָעָ֔ם כְּשׇׁמְעָ֖ם אֶת־דִּבְרֵ֥י הַתּוֹרָֽה׃ 

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר לָהֶ֡ם לְכוּ֩ אִכְל֨וּ מַשְׁמַנִּ֜ים וּשְׁת֣וּ מַֽמְתַקִּ֗ים וְשִׁלְח֤וּ מָנוֹת֙ לְאֵ֣ין נָכ֣וֹן ל֔וֹ כִּֽי־קָד֥וֹשׁ הַיּ֖וֹם לַאֲדֹנֵ֑ינוּ וְאַל־תֵּ֣עָצֵ֔בוּ כִּֽי־חֶדְוַ֥ת יי הִ֥יא מָֽעֻזְּכֶֽם׃ 

"Nechemiah the Tirshatha, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were explaining to the people said to all the people, 'This day is holy to the Hashem your God: you must not mourn or weep,' for all the people were weeping as they listened to the words of the Teaching. 

He [Nechemiah] further said to them, “Go, eat choice foods and drink sweet drinks and send portions to whoever has nothing prepared, for the day is holy to our Lord. Do not be sad, for your rejoicing in Hashem is the source of your strength.” - Nechemiah 8:9-10; 1985 JPS translation

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

Date Finished: 

September 18, 2025

Description

Seeing the Good in Rosh Hashanah

People have said to me that Rosh Hashanah is a happy holiday, yet my mental health leads me to struggle with seeing it as such. How can I eat sweet things and be happy when Hashem's judgement looms over us all? Sometimes my mind becomes too ill to understand metaphor.