Rosh Hashanah 

Tanakh

וַיֹּ֗אמֶר צֵ֣א וְעָמַדְתָּ֣ בָהָר֮ לִפְנֵ֣י יי וְהִנֵּ֧ה יי עֹבֵ֗ר וְר֣וּחַ גְּדוֹלָ֡ה וְחָזָ֞ק מְפָרֵק֩ הָרִ֨ים וּמְשַׁבֵּ֤ר סְלָעִים֙ לִפְנֵ֣י יי לֹ֥א בָר֖וּחַ יי וְאַחַ֤ר הָר֙וּחַ֙ רַ֔עַשׁ לֹ֥א בָרַ֖עַשׁ יי׃ 

וְאַחַ֤ר הָרַ֙עַשׁ֙ אֵ֔שׁ לֹ֥א בָאֵ֖שׁ יי וְאַחַ֣ר הָאֵ֔שׁ ק֖וֹל דְּמָמָ֥ה דַקָּֽה׃

וַיְהִ֣י ׀ כִּשְׁמֹ֣עַ אֵלִיָּ֗הוּ וַיָּ֤לֶט פָּנָיו֙ בְּאַדַּרְתּ֔וֹ וַיֵּצֵ֕א וַֽיַּעֲמֹ֖ד פֶּ֣תַח הַמְּעָרָ֑ה וְהִנֵּ֤ה אֵלָיו֙ ק֔וֹל וַיֹּ֕אמֶר מַה־לְּךָ֥ פֹ֖ה אֵלִיָּֽהוּ׃ 

"He said: Go out and stand on the mountain, in the presence of Hashem. And here, Hashem was crossing by: now a great and strong wind was crushing mountains and smashing boulders in the presence of Hashem—Hashem was not in the wind;

and after the wind, an earthquake—Hashem was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake, fire—Hashem was not in the fire; but after the fire, a still, small voice.

It was, when Eliyyahu heard, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance to the cave. And here, there [came] to him a voice; it said: 'What [brings] you here, Eliyyahu?'" - Melachim Aleph (Kings I) 19:11-13

שִׁ֗יר לַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת אֶשָּׂ֣א עֵ֭ינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים מֵ֝אַ֗יִן יָבֹ֥א עֶזְרִֽי׃ 

"A song for ascents.
I turn my eyes to the mountains;
from where will my help come?" - Tehillim (Psalms) 121:1

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

"In other words, Eliyahu HaNavi’s flight from the north is not due to safety or spiritual retreat. Rather, he is, simply put, a fed-up man of faith! He is so upset, that he runs away— first to Be’eir Sheva, and then to the desert, where he expresses a wish to die. After being revived and nourished by the Malach, Eliyahu HaNavi proceeds to retreat even further to Har Choreiv. When Hashem twice asks him “Mah Lecha Po Eliyahu,” “why are you here Eliyahu?” (Melachim I 19:9, 19:13), Eliyahu launches into a severe criticism of Am Yisrael for having abandoned their commitment to Hashem. Eliyahu HaNavi very much acts and sounds like a fed-up man of faith!" - From David to Destruction, Eliyahu HaNavi a Fed Up Man of Faith 17

Liturgy

וּבְשׁוֹפָר גָּדוֹל יִתָּקַע וְקוֹל דְּמָמָה דַקָּה יִשָׁמַע וּמַלְאָכִים יֵחָפֵזוּן וְחִיל וּרְעָדָה יֹאחֵזוּן וְיֹאמְרוּ הִנֵּה יוֹם הַדִּין לִפְקֹד עַל צְבָא מָרוֹם בַּדִּין כִּי לֹא יִזְכּוּ בְּעֵינֶיךָ בַּדִּין וְכָל בָּאֵי עוֹלָם יַעַבְרוּן לְפָנֶיךָ כִּבְנֵי מָרוֹן כְּבַקָּרַת רוֹעֶה עֶדְרוֹ מַעֲבִיר צֹאנוֹ תַּחַת שִׁבְטוֹ כֵּן תַּעֲבִיר וְתִסְפֹּר וְתִמְנֶה וְתִפְקֹד נֶפֶשׁ כָּל חָי וְתַחְתֹּךְ קִצְבָה לְכָל בְּרִיָּה וְתִכְתֹּב אֶת גְּזַר דִּינָם  

בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה יִכָּתֵבוּן, וּבְיוֹם צוֹם כִּפּוּר יֵחָתֵמוּן. כַּמָּה יַעַבְרוּן, וְכַמָּה יִבָּרֵאוּן, מִי יִחְיֶה, וּמִי יָמוּת, מִי בְקִצּוֹ, וּמִי לֹא בְּקִצּוֹ, מִי בַמַּיִם,  וּמִי בָאֵשׁ, מִי בַחֶרֶב, וּמִי בַחַיָּה, מִי בָרָעָב, וּמִי בַצָּמָא, מִי בָרַעַשׁ, וּמִי בַמַּגֵּפָה, מִי בַחֲנִיקָה, וּמִי בַסְּקִילָה, מִי יָנוּחַ,  וּמִי יָנוּעַ,  מִי יִשָּׁקֵט,  וּמִי יְטֹּרֵף, מִי יִשָּׁלֵו,  וּמִי יִתְיַסָּר, מִי יַעֲנִי, וּמִי יַעֲשִׁיר, מִי יֻשְׁפַּל,  וּמִי יָרוּם. וּתְשׁוּבָה וּתְפִלָּה וּצְדָקָה מַעֲבִירִין אֶת רֹעַ הַגְּזֵרָה. 

"And with a great shofar it is sounded, and a thin silent voice shall be heard. And the angels shall be alarmed, and dread and fear shall seize them as they proclaim: behold! the Day of Judgment on which the hosts of heaven shall be judged, for they too shall not be judged blameless by you, and all creatures shall parade before you as a herd of sheep. As a shepherd herds his flock, directing his sheep to pass under his staff, so you shall pass, count, and record the souls of all living, and decree a limit to each persons days, and inscribe their final judgment.  

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, who by sword and who by wild beast, who by famine and who by thirst, who by earthquake and who by plague, who by strangulation and who by lapidation, who shall have rest and who wander, who shall be at peace and who pursued, who shall be serene and who tormented, who shall become impoverished and who wealthy, who shall be debased, and who exalted. But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severity of the decree." - Unetaneh Tokef 3-4

Date Finished: 

September 26, 2025

Description

The height of High Holidays comes from the existential declaration that Hashem will decide who will live and who will die in the upcoming year through many ways. I have noted the similarities between Shaul and Eliyahu before in the Jew Crew of Buffalo podcast as well as on Sefaria.

My Struggle with Unataneh Tokef

By far, Unataneh Tokef is one of the prayers I struggle with the most and puts the existential dread in High Holidays for me. My mental health leads to any metaphors going over my head similar tor Miriam A.G. Baumgartner's experience. Although we say that teshuvah, prayer, and tzedakah can avert or lighten the evil decree, this leads to more questions: mainly the disturbing implication that those who died didn't do those three things hard enough. The metaphor of Hashem as a shepherd has also troubled me for a long time. Sometimes, I felt like the sheep who encountered the wolf and instead of the shepherd defending the flock, the sheep got eaten instead. This year has been especially hard. 

At times, I have wondered why wish for life at all? Several Tanakh figures have struggled with the same question: Moshe, Eliyahu, and Yonah. All three of these figures explicitly wished for death from Hashem but were dissuaded. Here, I wanted to depict Shaul in their position as well since he strongly paralleled each of them. He looks to Hashem for help but Hashem has hidden. Unlike Eliyahu or Yonah or Moshe, Shaul would not live to see that new year dying only two days before the next Rosh Hashanah. Notably, Shaul HaMelech's yahrtzeit (Elul 28) could only be determined indirectly from Sh'muel's (Seder Olam Rabbah 13:1), and even that is debatable since this source puts the Civil War Against Binyamin at the start of the Judges period rather than the end like other rabbis did. 

Only when I remembered that the Rabbis noted that Shaul lacked David's luck did things start to fit together. Teshuvah, prayer, and tzedakah can make our lives less bitter, but many things still come down to luck or the lack thereof. The Rashabash claimed that some people get no decree of life or death for Rosh Hashanah and are thus vulnerable to violent forms of deaths. Because we don't know if we were guaranteed life or death, we must therefore assume that we have not received a decree and preserve our lives (e.g. fleeing a plague). 

All these thoughts have not made the prayer any more comforting, but wrestling with it has become a little easier.

Tanakh 

"He said: Go out and stand on the mountain, in the presence of Hashem. And here, Hashem was crossing by: now a great and strong wind was crushing mountains and smashing boulders in the presence of Hashem—Hashem was not in the wind;

and after the wind, an earthquake—Hashem was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake, fire—Hashem was not in the fire; but after the fire, a still, small voice.

It was, when Eliyyahu heard, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance to the cave. And here, there [came] to him a voice; it said: 'What [brings] you here, Eliyyahu?'" - Melachim Aleph (Kings I) 19:11-13

שִׁ֗יר לַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת אֶשָּׂ֣א עֵ֭ינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים מֵ֝אַ֗יִן יָבֹ֥א עֶזְרִֽי׃ 

"A song for ascents.
I turn my eyes to the mountains;
from where will my help come?" - Tehillim (Psalms) 121:1

Talmud, Midrash, and Commentary

"In other words, Eliyahu HaNavi’s flight from the north is not due to safety or spiritual retreat. Rather, he is, simply put, a fed-up man of faith! He is so upset, that he runs away— first to Be’eir Sheva, and then to the desert, where he expresses a wish to die. After being revived and nourished by the Malach, Eliyahu HaNavi proceeds to retreat even further to Har Choreiv. When Hashem twice asks him “Mah Lecha Po Eliyahu,” “why are you here Eliyahu?” (Melachim I 19:9, 19:13), Eliyahu launches into a severe criticism of Am Yisrael for having abandoned their commitment to Hashem. Eliyahu HaNavi very much acts and sounds like a fed-up man of faith!" - From David to Destruction, Eliyahu HaNavi a Fed Up Man of Faith 17

Liturgy

וּבְשׁוֹפָר גָּדוֹל יִתָּקַע וְקוֹל דְּמָמָה דַקָּה יִשָׁמַע וּמַלְאָכִים יֵחָפֵזוּן וְחִיל וּרְעָדָה יֹאחֵזוּן וְיֹאמְרוּ הִנֵּה יוֹם הַדִּין לִפְקֹד עַל צְבָא מָרוֹם בַּדִּין כִּי לֹא יִזְכּוּ בְּעֵינֶיךָ בַּדִּין וְכָל בָּאֵי עוֹלָם יַעַבְרוּן לְפָנֶיךָ כִּבְנֵי מָרוֹן כְּבַקָּרַת רוֹעֶה עֶדְרוֹ מַעֲבִיר צֹאנוֹ תַּחַת שִׁבְטוֹ כֵּן תַּעֲבִיר וְתִסְפֹּר וְתִמְנֶה וְתִפְקֹד נֶפֶשׁ כָּל חָי וְתַחְתֹּךְ קִצְבָה לְכָל בְּרִיָּה וְתִכְתֹּב אֶת גְּזַר דִּינָם  

בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה יִכָּתֵבוּן, וּבְיוֹם צוֹם כִּפּוּר יֵחָתֵמוּן. כַּמָּה יַעַבְרוּן, וְכַמָּה יִבָּרֵאוּן, מִי יִחְיֶה, וּמִי יָמוּת, מִי בְקִצּוֹ, וּמִי לֹא בְּקִצּוֹ, מִי בַמַּיִם,  וּמִי בָאֵשׁ, מִי בַחֶרֶב, וּמִי בַחַיָּה, מִי בָרָעָב, וּמִי בַצָּמָא, מִי בָרַעַשׁ, וּמִי בַמַּגֵּפָה, מִי בַחֲנִיקָה, וּמִי בַסְּקִילָה, מִי יָנוּחַ,  וּמִי יָנוּעַ,  מִי יִשָּׁקֵט,  וּמִי יְטֹּרֵף, מִי יִשָּׁלֵו,  וּמִי יִתְיַסָּר, מִי יַעֲנִי, וּמִי יַעֲשִׁיר, מִי יֻשְׁפַּל,  וּמִי יָרוּם. וּתְשׁוּבָה וּתְפִלָּה וּצְדָקָה מַעֲבִירִין אֶת רֹעַ הַגְּזֵרָה. 

"And with a great shofar it is sounded, and a thin silent voice shall be heard. And the angels shall be alarmed, and dread and fear shall seize them as they proclaim: behold! the Day of Judgment on which the hosts of heaven shall be judged, for they too shall not be judged blameless by you, and all creatures shall parade before you as a herd of sheep. As a shepherd herds his flock, directing his sheep to pass under his staff, so you shall pass, count, and record the souls of all living, and decree a limit to each persons days, and inscribe their final judgment.  

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, who by sword and who by wild beast, who by famine and who by thirst, who by earthquake and who by plague, who by strangulation and who by lapidation, who shall have rest and who wander, who shall be at peace and who pursued, who shall be serene and who tormented, who shall become impoverished and who wealthy, who shall be debased, and who exalted. But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severity of the decree." - Unetaneh Tokef 3-4

Date Finished: 

September 26, 2025

Description

The height of High Holidays comes from the existential declaration that Hashem will decide who will live and who will die in the upcoming year through many ways. I have noted the similarities between Shaul and Eliyahu before in the Jew Crew of Buffalo podcast as well as on Sefaria.

My Struggle with Unataneh Tokef

By far, Unataneh Tokef is one of the prayers I struggle with the most and puts the existential dread in High Holidays for me. My mental health leads to any metaphors going over my head similar tor Miriam A.G. Baumgartner's experience. Although we say that teshuvah, prayer, and tzedakah can avert or lighten the evil decree, this leads to more questions: mainly the disturbing implication that those who died didn't do those three things hard enough. The metaphor of Hashem as a shepherd has also troubled me for a long time. Sometimes, I felt like the sheep who encountered the wolf and instead of the shepherd defending the flock, the sheep got eaten instead. This year has been especially hard. 

At times, I have wondered why wish for life at all? Several Tanakh figures have struggled with the same question: Moshe, Eliyahu, and Yonah. All three of these figures explicitly wished for death from Hashem but were dissuaded. Here, I wanted to depict Shaul in their position as well since he strongly paralleled each of them. He looks to Hashem for help but Hashem has hidden. Unlike Eliyahu or Yonah or Moshe, Shaul would not live to see that new year dying only two days before the next Rosh Hashanah. Notably, Shaul HaMelech's yahrtzeit (Elul 28) could only be determined indirectly from Sh'muel's (Seder Olam Rabbah 13:1), and even that is debatable since this source puts the Civil War Against Binyamin at the start of the Judges period rather than the end like other rabbis did. 

Only when I remembered that the Rabbis noted that Shaul lacked David's luck did things start to fit together. Teshuvah, prayer, and tzedakah can make our lives less bitter, but many things still come down to luck or the lack thereof. The Rashabash claimed that some people get no decree of life or death for Rosh Hashanah and are thus vulnerable to violent forms of deaths. Because we don't know if we were guaranteed life or death, we must therefore assume that we have not received a decree and preserve our lives (e.g. fleeing a plague). 

All these thoughts have not made the prayer any more comforting, but wrestling with it has become a little easier.