Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

This film seemed doomed to fail from the start. First off, Michael Bay announced in 2012 that the turtles would be alien and that caused such controversy from fans that the filmmakers reversed their decision. Even if that had not happened, the fact alone that Michael Bay and Megan Fox were involved in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" would have given me initial doubts. The trailer didn't impress me either. When I finally saw the film, my disappointment was focused on the story and direction. The central feature of the film was on the action and as a result, the script and other filmmaking characteristics not only took a back seat metaphorically speaking but were put in the trunk. The film also had a fast pace in that it was hard to keep up with all the jokes. Sometimes, this succeeds in bringing back theatergoers a second viewing but not this time. The only reason why I didn't rate the film even lower is because I am a fan of the turtles and the casting of those characters was accomplished nicely.

This film is meant to reboot the Turtles franchise so as to achieve the sucess of other current popular franchises. The Foot for example are less like ninjas and more like terrorists. I did not like this. April is established as an underdog in the news business and she doesn't even achieve success as a reporter by the end of the film. This lack of resolution is just one example of the poor screenwriting. Another example is the exposition, which was very poor not only in terms of delivery but also organization-wise. It was almost as if the screenwriters thought they were writing for very young children who had to be led by the hand at all times. They seemed to forget that the young children of the 1980's are now thirty years old. Many scenes that were important to the story had conversations that seemed phoney. One part of the film that made me wince was when April runs towards danger while asking people why are they fleeing. That felt completely fake. Speaking of that scene, it is a subtle tribute to the original film of 1990 where April is saved in a subway station. I liked that tribute but on the flip side, the pizza slice that falls on Splinter's head felt less like an homage and more like a rip-off. The product placement on this film is even worse than in the first "Transformers" movie. In the first live action Ninja Turtles film, the pizza company was obvious if you are looking but there was some subtly in terms of this advertisement. The focus of those scenes were not on the pizza company providing the Turtles with food. In this 2014 reboot, the logo on the pizza box is too apparent for my taste. The coincidences that occur in the story also ruin the entertainment experience. Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating. There is a bit of cheating throughout the film but the ultimate cheats were in the climax. First of all, Buck Buck seemed to work too easily considering Shredder's abilities in battle. Secondly, making the Turtles bulletproof eliminated much of the concern we should have for the protagonists’ safety as the race to save the day. Next, the diabolical plot of Shredder's is very cliche. It is remeniscient of "Mission: Impossible II" but seeing as how that movie was released over a decade earlier and is in a different genre, the filmmakers on "Turtles" could have gotten away with it. Unfortunately, the evil plot also had story elements similar to "The Amazing Spider-Man" (released only two years previously). What's more, the victory of the Turtles is completely illogical. They are falling to the street hanging onto a tower and then suddenly find themselves unharmed. Sure, Raphael's monologue is powerful but it is ruined by the fact that the Turtles suddenly and unrealistically survive. It is a deus ex machina that was extremely unprofessional from a filmmaking standpoint. Finally, how did the virus stay contained during this destruction? The climax would also have been better if it had been set at night.

The best part about any Ninja Turtles movie is the characters and there were flaws here as well. To start, I did not care for April O'Neil in this version. Even though April's yellow coat was apparent, she was missing her red hair. Megan Fox's hair did seem to have a tint of red in it but that was not enough to satisfy me. For me, the character of April in the past has been known less for her beauty and more for her hard work & spunkiness. Her fellow characters seem to find her more attractive than she actually is whether on the comic page, the TV screen or the movie screen. Megan Fox is not spunky unfortunately. The Shredder is one of the most iconic villains of my childhood, both the animated and live action personas. This movie did such a bad job of establishing and portraying him. The robotic suit he wears seems pointless if he can defeat an opponent while tied up. Shredder had so little screen time, especially before he puts on the suit. Additionally, past adaptations of the character always include a back-story for Shredder. In this movie, we didn't even get his real name (it didn't have to be Oroku Saki but we do desire some subtext for a villain). The exposition from Sacks was about himself and not so much about his master. This one-dimensional Shredder did not work at all and it's too bad they didn't stick with the idea of having Ken Watanabe play this character. The main villain almost seemed to be Eric Sacks and while I have enjoyed William Fichtner's work in the past, I like him as an antagonist more than as a full-on bad guy. Both Fox and William Fichtner have worked for producer Michael Bay before. Fox was in two "Transformers" movies and Fichtner had roles in "Armageddon" and "Pearl Harbor". Despite all these criticisms I have concerning "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", the filmmakers got one thing right: the personalities of the Turtles were true to the original source material. The casting was a big part of this. The humor that came from Michelangelo and the other brothers was genuine. The film has some truly funny parts and not just from the Turtles. I feel that the special effects could have been better however in that the motion capture made the Turtles' performances a little weird. Corey Feldman, who voiced Donatello for two of the previous live-action films, apparently wanted on board and that would have been cool. Tony Shalhoub's voice work was good but I wonder why Whoopi Goldberg agreed to be in this film. The best performance out of the whole cast was Will Arnett. I could accept his character and his performance in every scene was pretty good but after a second viewing, even his appeal has been lost.

I am glad that "Cowabunga" was said but for the first time in a Ninja Turtle feature film, the line "I love being a turtle" is absent or maybe I missed it because of the pace of the film. Another thing that bothers me is that many people falsely assume that Michael Bay is the director. I desire people to get the facts straight. I find it humorous though that the release date was changed to August of 2014 so as to avoid competition with other similar films. I guess Paramount and Nickelodeon underestimated Marvel's "Guardians of the Galaxy", which came out a week before "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". With how far this film fell short, I am not surprised at this blunder. The film was full of poor 3D conversion and there were some cinematography blemishes at the start. There was also too many CGI shots for my taste and most of them looked fake. I would normally be able to overlook some of those errors but what really hurt was that there was no sincerity in the narrative structure at all. The direction of the movie wasn't noteworthy either. The same screenwriters returned for a sequel but I didn't have any high hopes. Funny enough, I was still surprised by how bad "Out of the Shadows" was.

3 Stars