Minions

"Despicable Me" had heart, "Despicable Me 2" was hilarious but "Minions" was a joke and I mean that in a bad way. We have a lazy script full of way too many gags designed to lure little kids (and by extension their parents) into movie theaters. All the trailers combined spoiled the entire story with exception of the very ending, an ending that was illogical. I hate "money grab movies" because filmmakers don't have to take pride in their work to earn a profit. I have never cared much for Gru's minions myself, even though they were quite funny in the aforementioned second movie, but the rest of the world loves these characters so this movie was destined to make money no matter how bad it was. I will admit that "Minions" had some funny moments but I never go to the movies just to laugh.

Without Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio, this movie had no heart and the humor was mostly subpar. It is true that Bob and Tim the teddy bear were cute but we are talking about drama. The earlier movies in the franchise had relatable drama with Gru and his relationship with his adopted daughters. We had character change and in "Minions", there is none to be had. Kevin and Bob were unique enough from the other minions to be protagonists but Stuart was too generic. The Nelsons were the best characters in the movie because they provided some genuine humor. At first, I wasn't totally disgusted with this film but all that changed after the introduction of Scarlett Overkill. It isn't because she is a bad character but rather because of poor writing. The way the minions get the ruby is not only extremely coincidental but it wasn't even funny. The character of Herb had no purpose. Suddenly, Scarlett looses a lot of her credibility as the greatest villain of all time with Herb's introduction. It turns out that Scarlett is just an obsessed wife and her husband does most of the work. As a comparison, Kronk and Ezma from "The Emperor's New Groove" are a great evil couple because Ezma's evil and temper is balanced with Kronk's absentmindedness and passions. Scarlett's level of evil matches the preceding villains in the franchise but Herb ruined her persona. The plot of "Minions" then really fell apart after the Sword in the Stone. This is an example of a Deus ex machina plot device where a dilemma is quickly solved thanks to unforeseen solution. The Sword in the Stone wasn't even funny so as to compensate for the implausibility. One could argue that the Nelsons were a similar plot device but I disagree. First, they were in the trailer. Secondly, the existence of the Villain-Con automatically implies travelers who are going to Villain-Con. The worst part of the story was Kevin's survival in the climax. He also magically returns to normal. It may have something to do with his inability to be tortured but this is completely unclear. Gru's appearance at the very end and his defeat of Scarlett was just as unfounded as the other plot points I have already discussed. I know it is to tie-in this story with the other movies but it felt was too quick to be classified as resolution. I was working at a theater when this movie was released and so I always had to endure the end credits. To me from the start, it was blasphemous to use songs by The Beatles in a film this bad. Now thanks to "Minions", I don't enjoy listening to "Revolution" and "Got To Get You Into My Life" because of how many times I heard those songs every day for two months. I should be a fan of those songs but I blame the Minions for cheating me out of enjoying these two songs by my favourite rock band.

The Minions were designed in "Despicable Me" to provide comedy and assistance for the protagonist. Without a protagonist (or boss), these characters have no purpose and neither does their movie. "Minions" was written by Brian Lynch, who also wrote another spin-off: "Puss in Boots". That makes total sense because both films are just as bad as each other. For me, animated feature film spin-offs never seem to work. Even putting Mater as the main character in the sequel "Cars 2" had a few repercussions. The release date of "Minions" was pushed back seven months after the success of "Despicable Me 2" so as to fully exploit merchandizing possibilities. This proves that profit is the focus of "Minions" and not its story. I am betting that the filmmakers didn't even use the extra time to make the plot better.

1.5 Stars