Forever Families Peace Circle 

Why a Peace Circle?

Many Chinese girls were placed for adoption after the one-child policy was enacted in China which led to many international adoptions of these Chinese girls. The culture of the U.S. is very group-oriented and being a transracial adoptee can lead to trouble navigating or feeling as one should fit into one specific group. Straddling two completely different identities, the intention of this peace circle is for these girls to feel welcome and accepted. Many of these adoptees are not be in contact with someone who is going through the same experience as them so having a place that enforces community and belonging is a great resource.

Rules of the circle:

1. Respect the talking piece. Everyone will have a chance to share, but we must allow each person the space and time needed to express themselves and describe their experience.

2. Use “I” statements. We must avoid the impulse to judge or ascribe intentions to others’ actions. Instead of saying what others meant or intended—which we can never truly know—we ask each person to explain how the words and actions affected them. This encourages everyone to take ownership of their own feelings and avoids dead-end arguments about what someone intended.

3. Speak and act intentionally. We must avoid slipping into hostility and violence toward one another in the circle. Although our feelings are all legitimate, they may not help the process of healing. We encourage people to take time away from the circle if they find themselves unable to continue speaking with the intention of restoration, and we seek to provide them with care and support in rejoining the circle

(From the Southern Poverty Law Center)

Moderator: Rosie Stone

Why did you want to become a moderator in this event?

When creating this guide for the adoption peace circle, I wanted the moderator to be of the same background that the event was around. The facilitator’s job in this peace circle is not to participate, but to listen and create a safe place for the attendees to congregate. I thought this to be very important as I did not want the facilitator to be an outsider, this way the attendees can feel safe while participating and engaging in conversation. 

Table of Contents

1. Opening

2. Guidelines 

3. Discussion Rounds

4. Closing

1. Opening

Welcome to the Forever Families Peace Circle. Today we have all come together as a community to learn more about one another in a way to deepen our understanding of our personal selves. I first want to start off with this poem easing us into this activity and then we can go over some guidelines:

“The Journey” by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice–

though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

"Mend my life!" each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little, as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do

the only thing you could do–

determined to save the only life you could save.

2. Guidelines:

(The facilitator will read these aloud before the conversation begins. They are also similar to the rules written in the beginning but give clarity for the members which is important and necessary.)

There is a great importance to enforcing guidelines for these peace circles to hold the participants primarily accountable. 

Circle guidelines:

• One can only talk when holding the talking piece object.

• Have courage to participate in the circle, this is a safe place to share one’s truth, perspectives, and experiences.

• Active listening is as important as sharing, make sure to avoid thinking about what you are going to say while someone is speaking. 

• Confidentiality is an important aspect of the circle. 

• Have respect for one another, we have all gone through different experiences so having empathy is important.

Are there any other guidelines the participants would like to add? 

If not, we will continue to the next section.

3. Discussion Round 

Topic 1: Intersectionality of being in a transracial family

Acknowledging that being a transracial adoptee impacts one’s life by being adopted and of a different race is something important to distinguish. Because of this race, privilege, oppression, and power are all things that are connected with transracial adoptions. Being a part of a family that does not look like you can be difficult to navigate and feel accepted from outside pressure or even from within. 

Questions:

1. What was your experience like growing up in a family that looked different from you? Were there moments when you felt particularly connected or disconnected?

2. Have there been any presumptions made about you based on the way you look from other people? How did you handle this situation and how did that make you feel?

3. Have you had these conversations/questions about your identity with your parents? How was that? Is there anything you would want to tell them?

Topic 2: Birth of Origin

As you may all have known, the one-child policy led to the numerous adoptions of Chinese girls. Because China did not keep any records of the adoptee’s information it can be difficult for those girls who are adopted to have a sense of grounding/facts about their early life. 

Questions: 

1. How important do you think it is to explore your place of origin?

2. Are there any aspects of your culture that you have had a hard time understanding? Why do you think that is? 

3. Have you ever felt pressured to conform to your place of origin’s culture?

Topic 3: Reflecting on your Adoption Process

Adoption is such a personal journey one goes through and it can be difficult to find people who understand what it is like. This last topic will touch on ways you navigate your two worlds of your identity from a racial and dominant cultural lens. 

Questions: 

1. What do you hope for when it comes to awareness and advocacy around transracial adoption and race in the world today?

2. How do you think being a transracial adoptee has impacted your life? 

3. Have you ever felt like an outsider in either your birth community or your adoptive community? How do you cope with that?

Follow Up: Would anyone like to add any additional stories, comments, questions, etc. before we end? 

4. Closing

Healing is an ongoing process, and often instances of harm are inextricably bound up in patterns that may extend well beyond the people involved or the initial context for the conversation. But with continued practice, participants will achieve deeper levels of trust and investment in the process, and conflicts will become generative opportunities to pursue necessary transformations in our relationships and our community.

(From Southern Poverty Law Center)

There are so many layers to discovering and reflecting on one's adoption process and I hope that this has been a positive experience for you all to share in a safe place that has people in the same experience as you. This circle again, is to provide community and belonging. This is only one example of a forever families circle, and I hope there are more easily accessible resources one can find who is a transracial adoptee.

Works Cited

Wood Jr. , Roy. “Transracial Adoption & Navigating Racial Identity - Beyond the Scenes | The Daily Show.” YouTube, YouTube, 22 Nov. 2022, www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYcaU14Yqqw. 

M, Alix. “A Guide on Inclusive Adoption Language.” Texas Institute for Child & Family Wellbeing, 11 June 2024, txicfw.socialwork.utexas.edu/inclusive-adoption-language/. 

Staff, The Petrie-Flom Center. “Understanding Transracial Adoption: Life-Long Transformations, Not Frictionless Transactions - Bill of Health.” Bill of Health - The Blog of the Petrie-Flom Center at Harvard Law School, 11 May 2022, blog.petrieflom.law.harvard.edu/2022/05/11/understanding-transracial-adoption-life-long-transformations-not-frictionless-transactions/. 

Demby, Gene, and Shereen Marisol Meraji. “Code Switch: Transracial Adoptees on Their Racial Identity and Sense of Self.” NPR, NPR, 13 Oct. 2018, www.npr.org/2018/10/13/657201204/code-switch-transracial-adoptees-on-their-racial-identity-and-sense-of-self. 

Lee, Richard M. “The Transracial Adoption Paradox: History, Research, and Counseling Implications of Cultural Socialization.” The Counseling Psychologist, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Nov. 2003, pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2366972/. 

Chung, Nicole. “Stories of Transracial Adoptees Must Be Heard – Even Uncomfortable Ones | Nicole Chung.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 4 Apr. 2019, www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/apr/04/transracial-adoption-listen-understand. 

Evan, Karin. (2000). The Lost Daughters of China: Adopted Girls, Their Journey to America, and the Search for this Missing Past. TarcherPerigee.

O’Rourke, Liana. (2019). Torn Pages. WordPress.

Jones, Sarah. “My Story of Love and Loss as a Transracial Adoptee.” YouTube, YouTube, 18 June 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kjN1PnEGhA. 

Rosie’s Life Book-Created by Margo Stone (mother)

*did not include a citation for this one as my mom just made me a book

Smith, Jeremiah. “Toolkit: Peace-Building Circles.” Learning for Justice, 16 May 2023, www.learningforjustice.org/magazine/toolkit-peace-building-circles.