Written by:
Jola Mae Ivy Galapate

I have long pondered a question that has lingered in my mind for years: “What do you really want?” It seems simple, yet it is complicated. The answers hold endless possibilities.

I started my first year at Adamson University, but a lingering feeling told me I was not ready for higher education. My enrollment felt like a practical choice. I was part of Block 101, where I saw talented, dedicated, and productive people. I felt I did not belong. They seemed so sure of their future and already had a hold on it. I did not. The truth is, I never knew what I wanted; I only followed what others wanted me to be.

The second semester rolled in, and I became an irregular student. It was a situation I never imagined could happen, but it happened anyway. Processing it was difficult; I felt fear, anxiety, and the sting of being left behind.

Walking through the halls of our building, I feared I might not belong in the B.A. Communication program because of my limitations and lack of skills. I saw people who were dreaming about the course I was taking, and all I felt was guilt because I believed I did not deserve it as much as they did.

As I navigate college life, the weight of my decisions grows. The pressure to have everything figured out is constant, accompanied by lingering doubt and the feeling of being left behind rather than growing.

Despite all of that, I am still here. I am clueless, but I am here. I show up, try, fail, and keep moving one step at a time. Doubt may have swayed me, but I am still moving. I have come to realize that moving forward does not always mean being sure; sometimes it means continuing despite doubt and fear.

Some days, when my uncertainty feels incredibly heavy, I remind myself that I am learning and that I am not alone in feeling this way. Maybe not having everything figured out does not mean I am lost. Maybe it simply means I am in the process of becoming.

Right now, I am here. Maybe that is enough for now.