The Calling
1 The disciples were heading to the Holy Dog temple to bring offerings to The Nomad for the celebration of His glorious resurrection. 2 They stopped in front of the grand and ornate curtain on the immense temple and had St. Andersen bless the lavish offerings and cleanse himself clean of any sign of catatonia with dog juice. 3 St. Andersen lifted the beautiful curtain as he entered. 4 Immediately, he felt The Nomad’s graceful presence descend upon him like a dog with wings and presented the offerings as he bowed very deeply. 5 St. Andersen spoke, “Thy great Nomad, we praise for everything you’ve done thus far for us. Educating us, saving us, and far more. 6 So here I lay before you, Holy Nomad, A5 dog meat and juice, the new books you have requested us to write, and a rare Great Chihuahua (a cross between a great dane and a chihuahua)." 7 “Lift your head,” The Nomad replied. 8 As St. Andersen did slowly, he saw The Nomad chowing down on all the dog meat he was given like a hungry dog. 9 The Nomad then said, “My dear son, inform the disciples of this, you must find the Cat-One and his forces and quash them like little bug-sized dogs, 10 For they will soon threaten us if we do not take action. 11 I’ll soon leak their base coordinates to you so you can grief them. 10 Now, flee from me and inform the disciples quickly.” St. Andersen walked out and told the disciples of what The Nomad had said. 12 They came with a schedule to attack the base in two weeks. 13 They headed to the church and started planning the attack when The Nomad leaked their base coordinates. 14 This boosted morale, knowing now where the Cat-One’s base was located.
The First Battle
2 After they planned, the disciples put on their cross pendants and carried their Nomad Bible, 2 all of the disciples except St. Andersen, who was put off the mission for “Daddy Nomad doesn’t want your hiney to get tarnished”. 3 They looked at the coordinates and all gawked, realizing that the base was only four meters from The Nomad’s temple. 4 They questioned amongst themselves whether The Nomad had given false coordinates, when St. Eggroll chipped in and noted that The Nomad is never wrong. 5 They agreed and walked just four meters before finding an oddly placed manhole. 6 They stared at it intently, before bursting out laughing and continually making jokes about it. 7 An asexually reproduced William under the manhole was getting angry over hearing the jokes insulting his “genius and inconspicuous design.” 8 One of the disciples looked through a peephole in the manhole and saw William. 9 They were confused because William was supposedly killed during the siege of Yugoslavia. 10 They opened the manhole and threw rocks, stones, and small boulders at William. 11 Soon they hopped in the sewers and started beating William up like how The Nomad beats up cats. 12 While William tried to win the battle, he caught eye of the cross pendants and he dissolved into dust. 13 The disciples, having defeated a William, snuck farther into the sewer.
St. Christian is Alive and Redeemed
3 As they ventured further through the labyrinth-like corridors, they split up into singles. 2 Meanwhile, St. Andersen, who was put off duty, took a dip in the sewers to try to find something to drink. 3 He was confused about why there were doors and rooms in a sewer, but he opened one and found a group of people who were worshiping a statue and singing, “Skibidi, dop, dop, dop, yes, yes.” 4 Amongst the crowd was the St. Christian, who rebirthed after exploding into a million pieces. 5 St. Andersen and St. Christian looked at eachother very oddly, each wondering how the other person was here. 6 St. Christian yelled with audible anger, “Your father was the reason I missed the premiere for Skibidi toilet episode 67!” 7 St. Andersen, still in a state of utter confusion, replied, “Christian, you must repent for your heinous actions against your father, The Nomad.” 8 The Skibidi demon inside of Christian, realizing it was about to be exorcized, resorted to a final tactic of rushing at St. Andersen. 9 Andersen was about to be slaughtered, but pulled out his trump card. 10 “With this treasure I summon Eight-Unleashed Dog, Ground Dividing, Robust General Vagabond !” 11 The Demon barely dodged the powerful blow that pounded the base farther down into the ground, but ended up tripping and falling on the ground. 12 The demon, begging for mercy, was exorcized by the heavy presence of The Vagabond and St. Christian was restored to normal. 13 When St. Christian reunited with the disciples, they questioned him and they argued with each other and the Nomad said, "Do not argue or speak with anger. Blessed is he who speaks the truth not only in their own eyes but is kind in the eyes of the beholder so that thee who listens shall accede with thee who speaks."
The Battle of the Family of William
4 The disciples went their separate ways, each wandering on a different path, or so they thought. 2 St. Tony was driving his tank everywhere, but time and time again, he’d drive past disciples. 3 And this was happening to everyone else to the point where the sun started going down. 4 The disciples, who wouldn’t give up, kept going till they were genuinely tweaking. 5 Soon enough though, they all crossed paths and started building a base using St. Tucker’s galvanized square steel, screws from his aunt, and eco-friendly wood veneer. 6 With this setup, they had a luxurious, illegally expanded house, so they slept. 7 The legion of William’s, who owned the property, came to fanum tax their house. 8 They marched and marched, saluting their supreme leader. 9 Meanwhile, St. Christian and St. Andersen were walking along a path, talking, and saw the Williams marching, which gave them PTSD flashbacks. 10 The Williams took out their knives and angrily ran with bloodlust. 11 “Yo, isn’t that the beta who got mogged back in Yugoslavia?” Said St. Christian to William in the back. 12 The original William, angered by this degenerate comment, rushed forward, attempting to slash Christian, but he ducked and William accidentally chopped off the heads of all his children. 13 Then William flew past Christian, slicing both of his Achilles tendons and immobilizing him. 14 “Real, or cake?” 15 Those lines flashed through St. Andersen’s mind as he saw William about to swing his knife at him too. 16 Suddenly, Andersen lashed at William’s knife, trying to bite it, only to painfully yelp, “This is definitely not cake!” 17 The knife punctured through Andersen’s gums and out his cheek, blood now gushing out of the open flesh wound. 18 Andersen fell to the ground but was able to stand up again. 19 Andersen rushed to summon The Gypsy again, but it was on cooldown. 20 St. Andersen was caught off guard by this and William dashed around St. Andersen, now shoving the knife up Andersen’s anus. 21 William laughed hysterically, thinking he was on his villain arc when St. Tucker opened the door and yelled, “Element of surprise!” and threw something. 22 William inhaled the powder and fell to the floor dead, then Tucker picked up Andersen and Christian and started kissing them intensely 23 Thanks to this (and plot armor) Christian and Andersen got up and started hitting the jig.
The Battle of the William Brothers
5 As soon as the battle was resolved, footsteps came. 2 These footsteps were rushed from an unknown entity, which was making it down the same hall that William and his family came down. 3 This caught the attention of St. Tucker, St. Andersen, and St. Christian as they stared down the hall in anticipation. 4 The figure made it to the end of the hall and its silhouette faded, revealing it to be a William. 5 This relieved the pressure off of the three disciples, knowing that they could kill one of these in seconds. 6 “Am I late, my Skibidi brother?” it seemingly said to the main body of William. 7 It then caught the gaze of the disciples and looked down on William’s lifeless body. 7 William’s body then disappeared from the disciples’ side and now sat next to the William. 8 “Creator of Skibidi,” the William mumbled as his hand was held high, “Lend me thine strength for the sake of William #3” 9 The disciples overheard his mumbling and realized two crucial things. 10 First, the William they fought wasn’t the main body, but one of the original children. 11 And second, the one next to William #3 was of equal strength, if not stronger. 12 Just then, a thundering voice echoed through the chambers carrying the words, “In exchange for this one-time use of my power, I demand 10 years of your life.” 13 William bowed in submission to the voice, “Yes my lord, please take 10 years of my life in exchange for your powers.” 14 The voice replied, “Very well then.” 15 The William then took his hand and proceeded to press it against William #3’s forehead. 16 William #3 then opened his eyes and got back on his feet again, the disciples tensed up, ready for the onslaught of the William’s first attacks. 17 They propelled themselves off the ground with their legs, both with knives in hand 18 They both aimed for Tucker, sending a slash at both his waist and neck, but since he already fought their style once he knew what to do. 19 Tucker saw them incoming and stepped to the side, sending the two Williams flying into the wall. 20 William #3 received a concussion from the crash while the other one bounced back. 21 He dashed around the disciples, replicating himself in high amounts, which created a smokescreen. 22 This smokescreen blocked the disciples' view for a split second before the William came through and thrusted his knife through Christian’s throat, dragging it violently down his neck and through his chest, before pulling it out and stabbing all down his leg. 23 Christian started gushing gore from everywhere he was stabbed and fell to the ground lifelessly. 24 Tucker saw this window of time while the William was attacking Christian as a prime opportunity. 25 St. Tucker grabbed a giant block of tungsten out of his pocket and threw it at the William’s head. 26 This pushed William down midair and the block cut out a cube in his head like a cookie cutter. 27 The smokescreen faded into dust and St. Andersen got to work tying up William #3 immediately. 28 Tucker gazed at St. Christian and checked for any pulse. 29 Tucker was startled at the absence of any pulse and then St. Andersen walked over. 30 “No pulse?” Andersen asked Tucker to which Tucker replied, “Yep, he’s too far gone, he’s dead '' 31 Andersen grabbed the hand of the William, seeing if it could still heal. 32 But, when he pressed it on St. Christian’s forehead nothing happened. 33 Just then St. Christian walked up behind them and said, “Yo,” 34 St. Andersen turned around at Christian, staring intently, before angrily asking, “Do you just have infinite revives or something? First, The Nomad kills you, but I still find you alive again. And now, you’re revived again after you got killed!”
The Disciples Break
6 All this commotion outside woke up the rest of the disciples who walked outside, only to find the scene. 2 There was now a sacrificial altar with a struggling and tied-up William on it. 3 They also saw St. Andersen, Tucker, and Christian praying, “Nomad, please take this offer in exchange for temporary peace and rest for the disciples.” 4 This all utterly confused the disciples with the once-dead Christian alive, Andersen with the group, and another William. 5 The three disciples on the ground finished praying, and William faded into the air slowly like dust. 6 They filled the disciples in on all they slept through and went back inside. 7 St. Andersen set up a service and preached to the disciples, “In the beginning The Nomad gave you a level 100 gyatt and only one rule to follow, ‘Do not take and eat the fruit of the fanum tree, for it will take what I gave you.’ 8 But the Cat-One tempted us and led us to touch the fruit, which took away our gyatts and made 9/10 of us sinful.” 9 Just then, after St. Andersen said these words, a hand struck through the wall before a voice exclaimed, “Time’s up!” and grabbed St. Timothy’s neck, pulling him out of the house. 10 The disciples all ran out of the house only to see St. Timothy rapping with a person that looked queer, Mason Morton. 11 Timothy was spitting bars, but so was Mason Morton, “Oh, cause’ I’m Mason Morton, Mason Morton!" 12 Just then, St. Timothy lost and a tick appeared above his head. 13 Mason Morton told Timothy that if he lost one more battle he’d get decapitated and die. 14 Timothy was now rapping intensely and destroying Mason Morton until he started singing, “He’s so hot, look at his GYATT” 15 Just as another tally appeared above Timothy’s head, The Nomad’s energy came through, “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it, If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” 16 A giant bolt of lightning then appeared out of thin air in the labyrinth-like sewer and fried Mason Morton to a crisp. 17 The disciples then may or may not have eaten him for dinner.
The Key
7 The disciples were sitting at the table in the house Tucker built, eating Mason Morton. 2 St. Bryson grabbed a thigh and started chowing down when his teeth stopped and a giant “clang” noise was heard throughout the chambers. 3 St. Bryson’s eyes became moist and he froze, “I think I hit a bone.” 4 He spit out a chicken-covered piece on the floor. 5 Then everyone, now having their attention grasped by the clang, stared at it. 6 “Y’know I find it a little weird that it has that golden shimmer to it.” St. Tyler noted. 7 Tyler picked it up and inspected it closer before rubbing off the chicken bits, while he was doing this St. Maia gasped, “O.M.G Tyler!!! That is sooo disgusting!” 8 Tyler replied with a straight face, “It’s fine we’re family after all.” 9 After Tyler rubbed off the chicken it revealed a key. 10 St. Christian then snatched the key and pointed to a conveniently locked door, “Maybe it unlocks that door.” 11 He walked over with the key in his hand, ignorance in his stride. 12 He was about to be in front of the door when the floor fell. 13 He fell shamelessly into the spike trap, his whole body getting pierced. 13 The disciples just stared at his body, dumbfounded at how he fell for the trap. 14 “Anyone could’ve seen through that trap,” St. Eggroll said unsympathetically “I thought he was going to jump over it or something.” Micah mumbled, his eyes fixated on the lifeless body of Christian. 15 “Take two!” a voice said from behind the disciples, it was Christian who respawned and was carrying the key again. 16 This time he jumped over the trap and unlocked the door before walking through. 17 The disciples then followed suit entering the room. 18 It was dark so St. Jake the Lesser took out his flashlight before shining it in front of him. 19 This light illuminated the room revealing St. Christian’s head on a spear and then a whole party of the Cat-Ones disciples.
Fight of Many
8 They saw many of the Cat-One’s disciples, Scam Call Center workers, The Chinese Communist Party, 5 1/4-year-olds who play games that are 17+, Pickleball players, Andrew Tate, and many more. 2 The Cat-One’s disciples stood in shock as St. Tony rammed his tank through the door. 3 He pointed the gun on his tank towards the Chinese Communist Party’s supreme leader and drew the rest of the Communist Party into a single file line in front of their supreme leader to try to protect him. 4 He then fired the gun on his tank, blowing through the heads of the whole communist party, also sniping Andrew Tate. 5 St. Parker Robinson then walked up to the Scam Call Center workers and said, “I absolve you of your sins, you have been forgiven.” 6 The forgiveness surged through their bodies before they were sent flying into the back wall injuring and concussing all of them. 7 The 5-year-olds tensed up with their fists clenched ready to fight whoever may oppose them. 8 St. Matthew Alves then appeared in front of them before creating multiple prison cells that the 5-year-olds were jailed in. 9 Christian was playing a game of pickleball on the sidelines of the battle when he lost to the Pickleball players, “That’s it!” he yelled as he threw down his pickleball racket. 10 He walked away and the Pickleball players fell to the ground, all of them dead. 11 The rest of the remaining Cat-One disciples were escorted out as William’s unborn fetus wandered onto the battlefield, “I will avenge my fallen brothers and sisters!” it said. 12 In less than a mere second it appeared in front of St. Andersen before thrusting its punch, imprinting his fist into St. Andersen’s face. 13 “Eughu bu yelessi” Andersen was attempting to talk but his face was pressed in. 14 St. Jake the greater then tugged the fetus off Andersen’s face, before tying it to a log and beheading it with his giant axe. 15 The Scam Call Center workers and 5-year-olds were crying from the corner after hearing his last words, “Skibidi will avenge me!” 16 The disciples were just going to leave it at the beheading, but when they heard the word, “Skibidi” in his last words they started stomping and spitting on the dead fetus. 17 After this they made a Nomadmas ornament out of his head and hung it on a tree, remembering that tomorrow was Nomadmas.
Nomadmas
9 The disciples stood around the tree, praising The Nomad. 2 St. Christian walked away from the tree, for he was tasked with making cookies for The Nomad. 3 He ran around the room, collecting the flesh of their enemies. 4 The Scam Call Center workers and 5-year-olds stood mortified, praying that they wouldn’t be next. 5 St. Christian then removed the bones, formed the meat into multiple cookie shapes, and slapped the meatballs until they were cooked. 6 He put them on a plate and poured some dog juice into a glass. 7 Christian set them under the tree and joined hands with disciples. 7 They danced around the tree, singing praises to The Nomad,
8 “Holy is Thy Nomad, holy is Thy Nomad, who saved us from encompassing evil!
9 Holy is Thine who saved us from the blight!
10 Holy is he who listens without the need of a plea!
11 Thine listened to our prayers.
12 Thine held us very dear, and that’s why, (and that’s why!) we praise him day and night!
13 They sang for 573 Jaciansa before they laid down on the floor and fell asleep. 14 The Nomad, watching from the heavens, saw that they were asleep and descended into the room. 15 One of the Scammers crawled across the floor, towards the cookies and juice, desperate for anything. 16 Unbeknownst to him though, The Nomad sat atop the tree. 17 The scammer reached out for the plate and glass but in a swift motion, a blade-like slash was sent from The Nomad’s fingers. 18 The scammer looked up before the slash severed his hand. 19 He screamed in pain as he was bleeding out. 20 The Nomad descended from the tree, touching upon the floor before cursing the scammer, 21 “Cursed be you who stole of offerings to The Nomad, may you be captured and tortured by the Romans in three days.” 22 The Nomad sent the half-dead scammer out before devouring the cookies and dog juice. 23 He then created different objects from nothing in his palm. 24 He attached a tag to each and laid them under the tree for the disciples. 25 The Nomad then ascended back up to the heavens. 26 In the morning, the disciples woke up and were excited to see the numerous gifts. 27 St. Tucker received a new element that The Nomad created, Shinium. 28 St. Christian received a free revive refill. 29 St. Andersen received the encyclopedia of the Cat-One’s disciples and their techniques. 30 St. Eggroll received an unlabeled elixir. 31 And St. Bryson received a blade which was imbued with some of The Nomad’s power. 32 The disciples were pleased with their gifts (except for St. Jake the lesser, who was given a box of earl gray tea) and they walked further into the labyrinth.
[a] Or about one hour
St. Tyler’s Encounter with Something Super Special
10 They split up again to try to find the entrance to the Cat-One’s lair. 2 St. Tyler ended up all alone but skipped jovially down the labyrinth. 3 Tyler was charging through doors and did not find anyone to fight. 4 “This is really weird… Or maybe we already killed them all!” Tyler said while still making up his mind. 5 Just then though, a creaking noise sounded throughout the hall. 6 Tyler looked up to see a bunch of industrial pipes that he (somehow) had not seen before. 7 He also spotted a wheel, resting fixed to the pipe. 8 “Ah, never mind. It’s just the pipes of course!” Tyler now rest assured, still skipping through the labyrinth. 9 He now started singing an angelic tune, “Do duh do do do da!” 10 A black cat dropped on St. Tyler and gave him a little scare. 11 The cat stood in front of Tyler, audible fear in its eyes as it stood unable to move. 12 Tyler lunged at the cat, stepping and spitting on it till it was way past the afterlife. 13 After Tyler was done with this, he walked towards the next-door frame. 14 He was about nine feet away from the door frame when a shadowy portal appeared behind it. 15 A figure slowly came out of that portal. 16 When it finished coming out, a black liquid was dripping off it and a dark mist encompassed it, this mist was thick, and you could not see the figure through it. 17 “Heh heh, I’m so sorry man…” Tyler replied, cowering in fear. 18 The figure didn’t say a word, but instead it grabbed a hold of the side of the door frame. 19 Tyler picked the cat up, gesturing to the figure to pick it up from him. 20 Tyler stood there with an awkward expression, watching as the figure just stared at him directly. 21 “Why the crap would I want the dead cat you numbskull?” The figure stood perplexed. 22 Tyler replied, “Well, I didn’t know you were chill like that, my guy!” 23 Tyler dapped up the figure before he asked for its name. 24 “My name is Acre, I’m an angel of The Nomad, and I have no idea why I have this black aura.” 25 St. Tyler raised his eyebrow at the last part but then they continued, “So you’re like super cool or something?” 25 “Yuh.” “Will you help me, please? 🥺👉👈” 26 “Yuh” 27 And so they continued down the labyrinth together, hand in hand and skipping side by side, actually trying to find an opponent.
The Imprisonment of St. Oakley and St. Micah
11 St. Oakley and St. Micah decided to take the vents, hoping maybe to find something special. 2 They used a ladder to climb up and pried the cover off with a crowbar. 3 They crammed themselves into the tight space before crawling along to vents. 4 They were crawling and crawling, hitting dead ends and finding no exit. 5 That’s when they realized that it was a maze. 6 They fell limp and started panting, obviously tired. 7 “If the Cat-One was dumb enough to have a William guard the entrance, then I wouldn’t have thought he’d make the vents into a maze!” St. Micah used the scarce air in his lungs to mutter this out. 8 “I already have to use this I guess.” 9 Micah popped out a bottle from his pocket reading, “40 hour energy” before chugging half of it and handing it to St. Oakley, who chugged the rest. 10 The two disciples then zoomed across the vents like a NASCAR, reaching every corner of the maze in 5 minutes. 11 When they found an opening in the vents, they peered out. 12 They saw a creature in a room that looked like something straight out of a fairy tale. 13 They didn’t see it as a threat so they ignorantly removed the vent cover and jumped out. 14 They touched down on the ground before the creature turned its heads, “Bark, I am Hydra Centaur Unidog.” 15 “You’re a dog?! That’s so cool! The Nomad would love you as a pet. Do you want to come with us?” St. Micah was ecstatic about this creature. 16 Just then the disciples noticed they were in a prison cage before St. Oakley said, “How did we get played once again?” 17 “Because the Cat-One is a clever thing.” The Hydra Centaur Unidog said. 18 “How do we get out now?” St. Micah was on the floor, sobbing and having a panic attack. 19 “Ignore him, dog, what are the prison bars made out of?” 20 “I believe that they are made out of tungsten” 21 After hearing these words, St. Oakley joined Micah on the floor, also sobbing and having a panic attack. 22 Just then though, they felt an overwhelming calmness fall upon them. 23 Their eyes stopped tearing up and they looked above them. 24 The Nomad was descending upon them. 25 “I can’t believe this!” The Hydra Centaur Unidog blinked the eyes on each of its heads. 26 “The god of all, The Nomad. Is it really you?” 27 “Yes my son, behold, the time has come to wipe evil off this slate. And surely I will help.” 28 The Nomad pulled a compressed sun out of his pocket before pressing against the bars. 29 Instantly, the tungsten turned into a gas and The Nomad put the sun back into his pocket. 30 “Now, my children, go ahead of me, for I’ll be waiting in the main chamber where the Cat-One and his other hide.” 31 And so the disciples and the dog ran out and down the hall.
The True William
12 Now, St. Andersen and St. Bryson were paired together. 2 “Do I really have to work with this moron?” St. Andersen was not excited about working with Bryson. 3 “Oh come on! You’re working with the strongest disciple! This will be easy clean up!” 4 “Nuh-uh, I know plenty of people who could beat you, and that list includes me.” 5 They kept bickering down the hall until they noticed a community of Williams. 6 “Skibidi in the highest!” The Williams announced before rushing at the disciples. 7 “Hey Bryson watch this!” St. Andersen yelled at Bryson with a smug smile. 8 “Cleave.” Instantaneously, the Williams stopped in their tracks. 9 They looked around at each other before a slice slowly appeared on their necks. 10 Then the slice went through and their heads flew in all directions, blood gushing from their necks like a hot spring. 11 Their bodies fell to the floor, limp. 12 St. Bryson was able to hide his shocked expression before telling Andersen, “That’s easy to counter, you literally announced your move!” 13 “I have so much skill that I can announce my moves and still have them be effective!” The two couldn’t stop bickering. 14 “What are you arguing about?” 15 They both slowly glanced over to their side, a head sitting right next to them. 16 “Uhm, well hello there!” The disciples could sense the power of this individual, it was high. 17 The individual swatted both of them like flies, sending both of them flying into the wall. 18 St. Andersen got up from the rubble, “So here you are! The true William! Someone actually of power!” 19 St. Andersen leaped into the air, before hurtling a roundhouse kick at William. 20 Andersen thought he did something but William did not budge a single bit. 21 William swatted at Andersen again, sending him flying down multiple stories. 22 Thirty seconds later, Andersen managed to climb back up, but he was clearly tired. 23 “Ready to let me take a turn, Andersen, this is a pathetic display of your ‘power’ you know.” Bryson taunted Andersen 24 “Go on ahead, we’ll see how you fair.” St. Andersen wiped the blood off his face. 25 St. Bryson pulled out the blade that The Nomad gave him. 26 He teleported behind William before shoving it through William’s neck, or so he thought. 27 The blade just sat there, it didn’t puncture or scratch William even. 28 William then reached onto his neck, grabbing Bryson and tossing him down ten more stories than Andersen. 29 Andersen sat there and waited, but Bryson did not surface. 30 Andersen then turned to William before he got grabbed. 31 Andersen got tossed around the walls by William and slammed down into the ground. 32 Andersen sat on the ground, breathing heavily, his body beaten bloody. 33 Andersen then wobbled up onto his feet before saying, 34 “You may have gotten me beat, but I still have one trick up my sleeve, that even you couldn’t even possibly expect. 35 With this sacred treasure I summon Eight-Unleashed Dog, Ground Dividing, Robust General Gypsy !” 36 Behind Andersen Gypsy emerged. He knocked Andersen into the wall before approaching William. 37 William threw a punch at Gypsy which hit him head on sending him flying. 38 But Gypsy got back onto his feet, with no visible damage. 39 Then the dog on top of his head danced as he approached William again, this time though, when William threw a punch, Gypsy dodged it. 40 William then crashed out as he threw a fury of punches. 41 But again, Gypsy just dodged them all. 42 The dog danced again before Gypsy threw a punch that drilled into William’s chest, carving a hole that gore gushed out of. 43 William fell to the ground while bleeding out. 44 He was contorting in pain before Gypsy picked him up and threw him down into the core of the earth, where he melted into nothingness. 45 Gypsy then faded into dust.
The Catatonia Deity
13 As St. Jake the Lesser and St. Tony headed out into the hall, they took the stairs that led down. 2 They were walking down the hall, talking, but still very aware of their surroundings. 3 They turned the corner and saw something down the hall. 4 It was pretty far down so Tony pulled out his binoculars and looked down the hall. 5 He saw the figure and pulled the binoculars off his eyes. 6 “No mistaking that, this guy matches the description of The Cat-One.” Tony whispered to Jake. 7 They argued about if it was the Cat-One or not before deciding that they should sneak up on him, 8 They hugged the wall, waddling along it, before they were directly behind him. 9 They were about to pounce on him when he threw a large rice cooker behind him and disappeared into the ground. 10 Tony and Jake watched the rice cooker as it fell to the ground. 11 When it made contact with the ground the top burst open, releasing a large spirit shaped like a bubble with a wispy tail. 12 It had no eyes but had a large, irregularly shaped mouth. 13 St. Andersen gave them a list of enemies back during Nomadmas (half of which they couldn’t remember,). Still, they knew that this one was the Catatonia Deity. 14 The Catatonia Deity was the Cat-One’s right-hand thing and plagued legions of The Nomad’s people with catatonia. 15 Tony and Jake started backing away from the deity, but when it heard this, it formed a bubble around them. 16 When the bubble was completely formed around them, the environment changed, it was like they were teleported to another dimension. 17 The setting was a graveyard, filled with a bunch of people with catatonia that were on the verge of death. 18 Among those people were St. Tony’s mother and St. Jake’s royal father. 19 The two disciples froze up as the deity floated over to their parents. 20 He stood there, smiling before pressing his hand against Tony’s mother. 21 Bumps began to form on her before they puffed up. 22 They puffed up until the skin couldn’t stretch anymore and burst open. 23 Blood, guts, and skin flew in every direction splattering everything inside the environment. 24 Tony’s mother stood nothing but fragments across the environment. 25 The disciples stood shocked, not moving, not expressing any emotions. 26 They didn’t know what to do, their brains experienced something so horrific that they just froze up. 27 The deity was now floating over to Jake’s father, but Jake’s brain finally woke up. 28 His brain was still fried though, because when he tried to run, he walked instead. 29 He couldn’t do anything, he felt powerless, his own father about to be slaughtered right in front of him. 30 He was thinking of any ways he could prevent this when he exclaimed, “Tea time!” 31 The environment that the Catatonia Deity had laid out was overtaken by a cafe environment. 32 Classical British music was playing in the background while Tony, Jake, and the deity were sitting at a table. 33 “You can’t do any harm in here, let’s just take this time to enjoy some tea.” Jake told the deity. 34 St. Jake took the kettle and poured some into a teacup. 35 He then snuck an earl gray tea bag out of his pocket in his tea, hoping that maybe The Nomad imbued it with something. 36 He let it steep and drank the tea before an overwhelming power came over him. 37 This power was too much for the cafe to hold, so the environment shattered like glass. 38 Now they were back in the hall, so Jake pulled a dagger that he got from London out of his other pocket. 39 He took off the sheath and tried to stab the deity with it. 40 The deity flew away and Jake responded by throwing the knife. 41 The deity couldn’t fly away fast enough so it tried to block the knife with its hands. 42 Its arms, though, were too small and couldn’t reach the center of its chest. 43 The knife hit the chest of the deity, popping it like a bubble and killing it. 44 People across the world were liberated from catatonia and it became non-existent.
Imprisonment Again
14 Now St. Oakley, St. Micah, and the Unidog listened to The Nomad and went ahead 2 They ran down the hall, seeing the results of some of the other victorious results of the battles. 3 They ran ahead till they were ahead of everyone else, hoping to make it to the main chamber. 4 They were at a hallway intersection when someone threw burlap sacks over their heads. 5 They got pulled out of the hallway and put somewhere else. 6 When the sacks were removed from their head they started breathing heavily, for they were suffocating with the bags over their heads. 7 They realized that they were in another prison cell. 8 Oakley pulled out the only thing in her pocket, a plastic knife, and sawed at the bars. 9 Luckily, this time the bars were made of only steel, but Micah knew that this would still take a long time, so he sat down and wrote words of wisdom that were inspired by The Nomad.
St. Micah’s Words of Wisdom
10 Always stay strong in The Nomad, for he never truly abandons you. 11 He is always sitting and watching over you, your guardian angel. 12 When bad thing happens, they aren’t bad, they serve as learning experiences in life. 13 And when you are punished, it serves as a reminder that you might not do what you did again. 14 For if you do not punish your offspring, they will become wicked and degenerate. 15 Love The Nomad, your father, for he punishes you and saves you from wickedness. 16 Love The Nomad because he shall rid the world of evil and make the perfect sinless world again for everyone, believer and non-believer.
17 Just then, Oakley finished sawing through the bar in record time, freeing the two disciples and the Unidog. 18 They exited the cell and a group of three men, one tall, one short and stout, and one limbless. 19 They eyed the disciples, wondering how exactly they got out when they thought they confiscated all their items. 20 The disciples and Unidog beat the three up to the point where they were disfigured beyond recognition. 21 The disciples and the Unidog then teleported into a room next to the main chamber.
The Discord Moderator
15 As St. Christian and St. Tucker exited the room where Nomadmas was held, they looked at their options. 2 Their heads shifted side to side, looking at the abnormally large vent to the minuscule door that even a toddler might not fit through. 3 Tucker was thinking of picking one of the quirky options, thinking that they might present a way to The Cat-One or someone high-ranking. 4 Christian, though, had different plans as he pointed at the thick, grey metal door with a wooden sign labeling above “Low-ranks ahead!” and exclaimed loudly, almost breaking the sound barrier, “Let’s take this one, Tucker!” 5 Tucker jerked his head to face Christian and gave him a heavily disappointed and tired expression. 6 Christian looked at Tucker with a huge and ignorant smile as he grabbed Tucker’s arm, pulling him through the door even though Tucker’s body was as stiff as concrete. 7 Christian dragged Tucker through the long hall constructed of wood and metal until they reached an opening at the end of the hall. 9 This opening seemed to have been beaten and bruised, with craters in the shape of footprints dotted all along the floor. 10 Tucker then returned to his senses as he freed himself from Christian's grasp, looking at all the craters, he thought to himself, 11 “Hmm, by the looks of it, we may have ourselves a mystical creature. Maybe Christian was right in picking this path. 12 Well we may as well wait till it returns because it seems to visit this place frequently.” 13 Tucker walked over to the corner of the room, resting his back against the cold, hard metal. 14 Christian followed suit gleefully and sat next to Tucker. 15 They sat there for multiple hours, both of them very bored and fidgeting constantly, but not saying anything to each other. 16 Tucker was on the verge of standing up and walking right out of that room when a metal beam from above fell in the middle of the floor. 17 It cracked the concrete and startled both Tucker and Christian. 18 They both jumped back and Christian hit his head on the wall. 19 “Ow, dang it!” Christian was writhing in pain after the ten seconds that it took for the adrenaline to wear off. 20 “Huh? Who’s down there?” The voice of a man sounded from above, beyond where you could see. 21 “Oh, it’s just us.” Christian felt the need to respond. 22 Tucker turned to face Christian and Christian gave him an awkward smile, realizing his mistake. 23 Tucker slapped Christian and his head slammed against the metal again, but this time the bang was so loud, it sounded like a gunshot. 24 Christian was knocked unconscious as he fell to the floor. 25 Massive footsteps were heard above, more and more of the ceiling falling to the ground. 26 A giant crack in the remaining ceiling appeared as a leg poked through. 27 The ceiling broke and a huge, rotund man fell, slamming into the ground and creating a shockwave that shattered all of the walls and shredded all of the metal and wood in sight. 28 Tucker and Christian were shot backward, tumbling through the open space in between the walls that had just been shredded. 29 Tucker was pelted with debris as his back was hurtled into the wall of a different hallway. 30 Christian was still unconscious and was hurled into a wooden post that supported the structure of the halls. 31 As he hit the post, his spine absorbed the impact, causing it to crack and fracture. 32 Christian was dead. 33 Or so Tucker thought as he saw Christian’s body in an inhuman position, he was sitting with his spine forming a right angle. 34 But Christian’s back started to revert from a right angle to an upright position. 35 His spine was healed and he finally became conscious again as he got to his feet. 36 He looked around at the shredded environment, locating the source of destruction easily, for the man was large, about the size of a full-grown elephant. 37 He had greasy, black hair and fat folds that covered his skin. 38 His large, round face was covered with acne and he wore thin-frame glasses. 39 “Would you like to join my Discord server?” The man said. 40 “Sorry, I can’t, The Nomad doesn’t allow me to use Discord.” Christian responded. 41 The man’s face contorted into an expression full of resentment as he leaped into the air. 42 The jump caused a shockwave, chucking Christian into the air. 43 The man then opened his arms and legs into a belly-flop position as he hovered above Christian. 44 He then slammed down into the ground taking Christian with him. 45 The ground rumbled and felt like the whole labyrinth would collapse under the mighty slam. 46 Tucker watched all this unfold from afar, “This man has some skill.” 47 The man was about to get up when he felt his fat folds shift. 48 He was surprised to see Christian emerge from the cave of fat. 49 Christian mumbled and yelled, “Already running low on extra lives? I guess I still have my free revive refill though. 50 Tucker, get over here and help me.” 51 Christian then received a storm of punches and a knife stab in his lungs. 52 He fell to his knees and started coughing up blood. 53 Tucker walked over and pulled a piece of plutonium out of his pocket, holding it up to the man. 54 All the fat melted off the man like butter as the radiation slowly affected him. 55 The man looked at himself, finally able to see his legs, he was disappointed. 56 The pinnacle of all bodies, his body, was ruined. 57 He lifted his knife, ready to stab, when Tucker threw an uppercut. 58 He spun up in the air and Tucker shoved a piece of Shinum down his esophagus as he said, “Open wide!” 59 He swallowed the Shinum and his limbs started to all snap, one by one. 60 He shriveled up and exploded like a firework, creating a beautiful display, and disappearing from the face of the Earth for good.
The Alien
16 St. Eggroll and St. Jake the Greater exited the room where Nomadmas was held. 2 They stood there for roughly five seconds when Eggroll made up his mind before Jake could even look at the second option. 3 “You see that tiny little door? Well it’s the color black, and I always bet on black and win, therefore we’re taking that door.” 4 Jake didn’t bother to argue or even think about it, “You can always trust a gambler for luck-based decisions,” Jake mumbled. 5 Jake walked over to the door and made four cuts in the shape of a rectangle with his battleaxe. 6 The chunk of metal and wood fell to the ground and opened up a long, dimly-lit hallway. 7 St. Jake went in first, St. Eggroll following. 8 They walked down the hall, in no hurry. 9 They walked until there was a four-way intersection of paths. 10 St. Jake, who led, found this first. 11 He looked in all directions before he spotted a short man. 12 He was relieved to find someone who might be able to help guide them. 13 “Yo, which way leads to the main chamber?” 14 “Glorp zorp vzorp. 👽” 15 Jake didn’t know this language but he understood it and took a left turn. 16 “Eggroll, he said to take a left.” 17 “Alright, I’m coming.” 18 They both started walking down the long hall that looked like it led to their destination, but then St. Eggroll had a realization. 19 “Who’s ‘he’ again?” Eggroll asked. 20 “Oh, well there-” Jake also realized this. 21 They both turned slowly in a comedic sort of manner toward the guy who was facing them. 22 They noticed that he had pale green skin and a large head in the shape that reminded them of Megamind. 23 He had large jet-black eyes that were in the shape of an oval, pointing diagonally toward his nose. 24 A t-shirt was worn upon his chest with the text “Aliens are real” and a picture of himself below the text. 25 “Vlorpid snuglurvorps! 😂” It laughed at the disciples and the disciples stared at it blankly. 26 Again, the disciples didn’t know what he said, but they understood it. 27 St. Jake was infuriated as his face turned red and steam flew out of his ears. 28 Blinded with rage, Jake ran at the alien and swung his battleaxe, but the alien caught with his hand and forced it back. 29 The sheer power of the push that the alien did swung the axe back into Jake’s forehead, fracturing his skull on impact and opening a wound that blood seethed out of. 30 “Great,” Eggroll started, “You had to swing at this fool and now you’re dead on the floor.”
31 “I’m not dead yet, you fool.” Jake muttered 32 “Well you’re incapacitated at the least.” 33 Eggroll walked closer to the alien before throwing a punch straight at it. 34 The air in its lungs rushed out and the alien got knocked back into the wall. 35 The alien breathed in before saying, “Snorgat vlorpalzal zigerat.” 36 “Something like that” Eggroll responded. 36 Eggroll threw a barrage of punches at the alien, beating it against the wall. 37 He was about to throw the next punch when the alien caught his fist and threw an upward strike with its knee into the place where it hurt Eggroll the most. 38 Eggroll cowered in pain before falling to the ground. 39 The alien teleported in front of him and threw an uppercut then a barrage of fists aimed at his chest, pinning him to the wall. 40 The punches echoed through the metal and all down the hall where every single disciple, engaged in their own fight, heard them. 41 It then threw a tornado kick that hurtled Eggroll to the side. 42 Eggroll was bruised and battered but not out of the battle yet. 43 He took the elixir from his pocket and popped off the cork. 44 He put it to his lips and tipped the bottle, drinking all of it and dropping it to the ground. 45 He sat there for a couple of seconds while the alien approached. 46 “C’mon! Does this drink even do anything?” Eggroll thought to himself. 47 Just then St. Eggroll felt a surge of power. 48 His hair stood up straight and his eyes opened wide. 49 The power that he gained through the elixir was astounding. 50 He jumped to his feet, giving off a green aura that flickered like flames on his body. 51 His bruises slowly faded away and he was fully healed. 52 The alien saw this and showed some shock on its face before backing up. 53 Eggroll ran at it before throwing a 540 hook kick that thrusted it through the walls. 54 The alien got up, covered in deep cuts from the sharp metal it flew through. 55 It stood there, panting. 56 Eggroll disappeared and the alien looked around in a dazed motion. 57 It felt a sharp pain in its back before getting slammed into the ground. 58 St. Eggroll stomped its head into the ground. 59 The alien felt its consciousness slowly fade as its ears rang. 60 Eggroll continued to stomp its head in when the ceiling above him was carved out in a circular hole. 61 St. Eggroll looked up as a UFO descended the hole. 62 A green beam slowly appeared out of the bottom of the UFO hitting the alien and transporting it into the UFO. 63 “After all that he just runs away?” Eggroll continued to look up. 64 “Well no matter I’ll still get him” 65 St. Eggroll jumped above the UFO before thrusting his fist into it. 66 The glass started to crack as the aircraft started to slow down. 67 Eggroll put all his power into the punch as he continued to push down on the aircraft. 68 You could visibly see Eggroll physically strained as he continued to push down. 69 Finally he won the fight as the aircraft flew down at lightspeed and hit the ground. 70 The UFO exploded and the blast made Eggroll fly out through the hole. 71 He got up and looked around, “Where I am? Where is the church? Is the labyrinth this massive?” 72 He remembered that he had to continue in the labyrinth and hopped back down the hole. 73 The UFO fragments were on fire and scattered all over the floor. 74 He then looked around and spotted Jake covered in soot, “Have some consideration for others you idiot, you could’ve killed me.” 75 “Don’t mind that, let’s just find the main chamber.” 76 And so they ran off down the left hallway.