Power Over Serpents

So Ra had unlocked the magic to bring the dead to life and the power to bestow curses upon others. Soon enough, magic itself would attempt to turn against Ra in a great battle. This was the most important battle Ra would endure in his being, and the Ancient Waffle House played a crucial role in the outcome.

Magic was going to rise against Ra in the form of a serpent, Apep. Apep was the evil god of chaos. He resided in the underworld waited for Ra below the horizon, preparing for the right time to strike. The great enemy of Ra, he sought nothing but complete destruction for the Sun god.

Every night, as Ra was leaving Egypt, he would ride his Sun Barge past the horizon and into the underworld, not to return until the morning. Apep had relied on other monsters of the underworld to overtake Ra, but none of them were able. A large part of this was due to the protective deities that rode the Sun Barge with Ra every night, helping to protect him.

One morning, while Ra was having his morning coffee in Waffle House, one of the gate deities of the underworld rushed in. This was the goddess of the third gate, serving as a representative by the gate deities because she was the only one allowed in the sacred Waffle House since she was the goddess of food.

She ran in and immediately confronted Ra.

“Oh great Sun God, it is Apep. He is planning a powerful strike against you since the other monsters could not defeat you. He plans on waiting by the horizon and making sure you never make it past the twelve gates.”

Ra heeded her warning and called in Amun and Hathor, the gods who rode the Sun Barge with Ra through the underworld. Together, the three thought of what could be done to stop the evil serpent. Ra knew he needed more magic than ever. He needed the power to control serpents. Hathor and Amun looked over the menu and tried to decide what would be strong enough to overpower Apep and his brute force.

The All-Star Special.

It was the only menu item that could potentially be strong enough to keep Ra on his Sun Barge throughout the underworld. Nothing was guaranteed, but the three knew this was their best shot. As evening approached, Ra, in hopes this would not be his last trip to his sacred Waffle House, loaded a chocolate chip waffle, over-medium eggs, a side of bacon, hashbrowns, and two pieces of buttered toast into his Sun Barge. The time had come for Ra to confront evil face-to-face.

As Ra, Hathor, and Amun began their journey, they could see the horizon getting near. Just as they reached the first gate - STRIKE! - Apep had snapped towards Ra and the Sun Barge. The vessel shook violently as the serpent took off the back end of the barge. Ra had fallen over, and Amun took the first line of defense, the bacon, and slung it at the snake. As it contacted him, a spark flew and Apep cried out in pain.

This made him only more angry, and as he shrieked he brought with him a raging fire. He soared in for his second strike, only to be met with the eggs that were catapulted by Hathor. At this, the gods of the underworld all cried out in pain as their leader had been struck. Their cries filled the skies and the entire underworld sounded more deadly than ever.

Apep, in a fit of rage, quickly shot himself towards the three gods and wrapped himself around the Sun Barge and began to squeeze tightly, slowly crushing the ship. The sound of the crumbling Sun Barge sent the three gods into a panic, and they knew they were running out of time and resources.

Ra, desperate to save himself, the gods and the ship, slammed the rest of the food on the back of Apep. Apep’s hold was lost, and he uncoiled. With a roar that caused an earthquake in the land of Egypt, he fell into the darkness. The All-Star Special had brought with it the ultimate power needed for Ra and his deities to defeat the god of chaos.

Since Apep had been defeated, Ra now had the power to control serpents. All the magic to control them resided in Apep, but it had been instilled in Ra. Ra, cautious of the serpents who would potentially rise against him in the future, shared this magic with his highest magicians.

These magicians acted and continue to act as protectors of Ra, and consistently practice the magic of controlling serpents to ensure all of these creatures understand that Ra will have power over them from now until forever.

As was written on the hieroglyphics on the wall, the Waffle House would save the sun god, and would forever act as the high temple of Ra.

Apep being hit with the All-Star Special, Fandom