june

I knew things will change.

Moving into June, so did the quarantine. In our place, we just shifted to General Community Quarantine where restrictions became less. I believe that it was done to save the economy while still being able to control COVID-19. With that, social distancing measures must still be observed. So this still does not mean that we are completely free to do anything, let alone leave the house. Like what I wrote on Freedom Space, we are in GCQ but there is still the Q.

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As this leadership went on, we noticed how the world has been talking about COVID-19 over the last few months. But things kept on happening.

For one thing, the conversations in Caratime - and to some extent, the fourth generation - have now shifted towards a more external point of view. The fourth generation, also known as relatability era, used to be introspective, given the fact that it had been based around the dissolution that happened nearly two years ago. Because of this, it is in this generation that I used to evaluate and reevaluate myself for a very long time.

Most of my life in Gen 4 has always been about constantly discovering and improving myself (as it was what Gen 4 really is about) and finding my purpose along the way. But with events happening as of late, we have now become aware of what is actually happening with the world right now. And I am telling you, this does not seem to look right. We have the pandemic, network shutdown, and recently the Anti-Terror bill (a topic so sensitive that I could not even bring that up to social media when I actually needed to - but because this June note is already becoming too long, then I will just write about it some other time) and the Black Lives Matter movement.

I actually felt bad for Cara. Because he had to lead in a time like this, he now became the perfect leader in an imperfect world. Imagine being this leader, who was already known to be so good from the very beginning and who has now become one of the top leaders we now have.. only to run in an era of social injustice, global health crisis and all things undesirable. This must be the price for having the leader that I wanted back in 2017.

But now I had to wait for him.

Every year in June 2nd - one day actually after his monthsary - we Rainbows celebrate the anniversary of his introduction as a member of BTS, and this year it happened to fall on Blackout Tuesday. In case you don't know - in light of the BLM movement, many industries have shut down operations on that Tuesday to reconnect with society let alone pay respect to people of color. Many have already shared their sentiments on social media, including Aliza and Harry who were first to deliver the news. This leaves Cara as among the only ones who were yet to address the situation.. so then I had to wait for him.

I won't even have to if he hadn't been the perfect leader in an imperfect world.

Because he's the leader, I think that his opinion should matter most. But was he even aware? I was actually interested, especially since he was yet to deliver his sentiment on the matter - so maybe we can assume he's not? The boys from BTS were, after all, busy running Festa - an annual content based event celebrating the anniversary of their debut. For that reason, they did not have to say anything. They may choose not to, but if ever then I would be right there waiting. For now I'm just gonna let them do their thing and support their decisions, because I have put all my trust in them as an ARMY for nearly two years. Either they celebrate Festa or need more time to come up with a statement.. which they did.

One afternoon in June 4, BTS tweeted the following statement:

"We stand against racial discrimination.

We condemn violence.

You, I and we all have the right to be respected.

We will stand together. #BlackLivesMatter"

The wait was over. It was one big finally for the group as they finally acknowledged the situation and joined the movement. Later they donated $1 million to the movement. These shows that the boys indeed have the nicest hearts and will never tolerate any injustice happening.

I'm not saying I am unhappy about them taking the initiative.. but was I the only one wondering who in particular wrote the tweet?

What was the distribution of the $1 million donation among the members?

Did that money come from Big Hit or the members themselves?

Whose idea was it?

I had plans set for June which were postponed, cancelled or had a change of concept.. all because I spent my precious time uncovering the mystery behind their efforts. This summer notes.. was even supposed to be published a little earlier but had to be delayed.

The whole move by the group seemed ambiguous, as it was never stated or indicated who among the members did what - it could be that only one or two members have actually done their part; the rest don't. On Cara's end, maybe he was just joining in as a member. But given the members known to be team players themselves, there's a chance that he's not. However, I'm not even supposed to give a f**** about it, let alone share how I feel on social media due to my fear of being misunderstood and judged as a 'solo stan'.. you know, whoever is OT7 must be winning but for someone who has a bias (or at least someone who claims to have one), you will never understand how hard it is to stan someone who belonged to a group given the situation. But until we get closure....  I just want to know who in the group actually care.

Even worse, I happened to miss out on that one opportunity to finally get the answer we need: Dear Class of 2020. My sister, who actually wanted to graduate.. rejected to graduate. But I still cannot see it without at least handing her a diploma.

For now, while still waiting for answers, I'm just gonna assume that each member - Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, and.. well, Cara - really cared. It appeared to be a collective group tweet, so I'll see it that way.

There's no denying that these seven boys, with a big heart and a thought for those that matter, have put their success and influence to a greater purpose and used them to make a change. But with that now becoming one of K-pop/BLM movement's - and to some extent, 2020's - biggest unsolved mysteries, only time can tell if this issue will finally clear up.. maybe with one particular member finally giving the explanation that we need. The story is still progressing, so maybe there's a chance?

But there is just one thing I learned from all these: As reality unfolds, little by little, in year 2 of Caratime..

I realized that it's not anymore about what you want for yourself. It's what you want for the world - what you want for humanity, what you want for the common good. From there I would realign my purpose to meet everyone's best interests. The whole world may be falling apart, but not us. Not you, me, or Cara. Not anyone. We will overcome anything together. Like what they say, we will stand together. And before we know.. this leadership will become stronger that it has already been.

The time will come when "we'll wait for you"....  becomes "case closed".

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To that one in a million chosen for this very fateful time.. I'm waiting for you.