Gender Identity

This topic is controversial in the ways of those who accept the idea of queerness and those who don’t. However, regardless of queer acceptance, you can't deny there is a difference between what men and women were expected to be like before and in modern society. In western culture in the 1700s, men were originally the patrons behind heels, yet in modern-day America, the majority of the patrons are women.¹  Gender is fluid because it changes with society. We learn our genders through what society teaches us. We are taught to fit into a role of being a specific idea—to conform to what values or behaviours are considered suitable for our gender.² The thing is, many people don’t fit into that cookie-cutter shape that society has moulded for the binary genders of male and female. Some of them consider themselves outside of that binary. I am one of them. Unfortunately, people are still expected to fit within those moulds, even with the expansion in gender expression. For example, there are associations meant for women and nonbinary people. Yet, because they see nonbinary people as women, some association members will condemn masculine-presenting people if they come.³ Nonbinary is being pushed into boxes or labels of binary to fit within a society in which we have pre-established gender and their roles. You, the reader, may think that this has nothing to do with you. Put it this way, you have something you care about, whether it is a career, dream, possession, or hobby. Now some people understand that you care about this thing and make sure you can gain fulfilment from that thing. However, there are people who refuse to acknowledge that that is something you care about or is important to you. It is cast aside because you don’t know what is good for you or that you don’t actually care about it. In fact, anytime you try doing or talking about that thing, you are corrected, ignored, or yelled at. This is the reality for many people who are queer and even those who aren’t queer. Effeminate men and masculine women are also corrected because they don’t conform. We observe this with Olympian Imane Khelif.⁴ She is told that she is male since she does not fit what a woman should be. Women, especially those who present themselves in an effeminate way, are told that they’re too much. What gives those people the right to choose what is a woman? We had advocated greatly for self-expression, yet the way we express ourselves in gender and sexuality is controlled. It is moderated. The current outlook we as a society have is failing and needs to change. You could say that we don’t need to proudly display it since it’s a form of expression. It can be private, and nobody needs to see or respect it. It's only a specific group of people, yet we’re shoving it into people’s faces. Back to the analogy: you work hard in your field. Perhaps you get a doctorate or an accolade. But you don’t need to tell anyone. I mean, it’s just yours, right? It seems a bit disrespectful and rude to go and boast and display it. That mindset is harmful not just to the queer community but also to people who identify as cisgender. Overall, gender really is just a form of expression, even if yours happens to be the one you were assigned at birth and aligns with your sex.

Did you know that the creator of WiFi was a woman? Hedy Lamarr was not only a well-renowned actress, but she, in her free time, created a new communication system. It used frequency-hopping of radio waves from transmitters and receivers. ⁵. Zelda “Sayre’ Fitzgerald has been recognised as one of the inspirations for the famed “Great Gatsby." Many of the lines and sections of the book have been taken from her writing and diary entries. A line supporting this is from Zelda herself: “It seems to me that on one page I recognised a portion of an old diary of mine that mysteriously disappeared shortly after my marriage and, also, scraps of letters that, though considerably edited, sound to me vaguely familiar. In fact, Mr. Fitzgerald (I believe that is how he spells his name) seems to believe that plagiarism begins at home.” ⁶ They are not recognised as much as men are because of how they are taken advantage of for being ‘lesser’ than the men in their lives. An impactful influencer brings up the topic that Mozart’s sister is not recognised for being a piano prodigy. Einstein’s wife was uncredited for her contributions to his work. Women, regardless of their skills, talents, and ideas, aren’t acknowledged and fade away to namelessness. ⁷ We know these women better as their connections to more famous men.

Women aren’t seen for products.  Feminine hygiene products such as tampons have recently been discovered to be dangerous for they have toxic metals such as arsenic and lead within them.⁸ When it comes to research, the main subjects are men regardless of who it is affecting, from things spanning medicine to crash testing of cars. ⁹ ¹⁰ Female presenting individuals tend to have their medical needs unheard. I myself have been female presenting for years and had a period in time in which all hospitals told me I was being dramatic regardless of my loss of the ability to walk. Abigail Adams once wrote, “Men of sense abhor those customs that treat us only as the vassals of your sex,” for they are seen as weaker and in need of protection. The papparazzi harassed Emma Waston when she turned 18 since she was “finally legal” by taking pictures up her skirt. ¹¹ There is this song called Seventeen by Ladytron that displays how girls are liked more when they're younger because being young is what is seen as better. Whether it is due to paedophilia or wanting younger people for performances like music, many women have had their role in life and society reduced to mothers, as seen by the speech prepared by Harrison Butker. ¹² Overall, the point being made here is that women have been overlooked and demeaned for a long time when they are the backbone in our society. That is the ‘role’ that women are given in our world now and that is a change that needs to happen. 

This is an unfortunate reality, right? A great start to make a change would be educating those you can about this topic and, for those who do not change, leaving them behind. They do not deserve to be constantly taught if they make no effort themselves. Another is advocating for the women around you by making sure to vote and have representatives that will ensure their rights. If you are an employer, make sure to equally pay your workers not based on their gender but based on their skills and experience. 

Men are also expected to fit into a box that is their role within society. There is a common saying to “be a man,” but what does that mean? Men have expectations put on them, many of which are toxic. Insults for men are often through feminising them through the euphemism for female dog, a son of that word, and the euphemism for cat. It is considered insulting to be called those things because they are not being masculine. Men are typically expected to fit within a standard, in which manhood is often synonymous with bravery, courage, and fortitude. ¹³ Men who have interests outside of their traditional interests can be considered girly, which is an insult in our society today. It is not bad to follow through on the traditional values and interests; however, when everyone is expected to have these same interests and to stay in their lane, it is limiting to those who do not fit within that box of approved traits and interests for men and women. Toxic masculinity is harmful towards men. They are expected to act very hypermasculine, and sometimes that hypermasculinity bleeds into misogyny and discrimination. This mindset of being “more masculine” has led to violence, and it is being excused because it is seen as something as something that is normal. The trait of being emotional is often placed as a feminine trait; therefore, men are greatly encouraged to repress any emotion apart from anger. This has led to emotional repression, and as seen by suicide rates from men when they don’t have a support system, they tend to be higher than men that do.¹⁴ The emotional repression of men can lead to expressing it in other ways, such as substance abuse or aggression. Overall, people need to stop pushing the idea of fitting within a specific box of being masculine on children as to prevent values of emotional repression being instilled in a young age. This will prevent the lack of mental health being denied to themselves if needed for adult males who have been instilled within them since childhood to 'be a man'.

Side note on the less serious side: I was listening to I'll make a man out of you from the Mulan movie while writing this. It is a great example of toxic masculinity. Ping isn't seen as 'a man enough' and is asked to be sent back home, even though she (as in Mulan) ended up saving China. It is a banger song, though.