tangerine strange

I was born in the gap

between stars and noose

little hands, lots of dark

then I heard something move

I fell down my wings

found this map made of mud

it said every lost thing

blooms like seeds in your blood

I ran so far from fear

I lost my heart in its throat

that’s when night came alive

like it heard what I wrote

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

always follow your heart

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

or the loop never starts

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit 

follow the sparks

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

collecting broken parts

kings turn to dust

good men grow cold

hands that could build

turn to ice from the old

yeah I talk to the void

like a mirror with teeth

if you want, let it be

(if you want, let it be)

black hole, white hole

rabbits to find

death is the door

life crosses sides

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

always follow your heart

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

or the loop never starts

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

down to the stars

follow the rabbit

follow the rabbit

we are the stars

I was once just a question

then a pulse then a name

now I'm learning how fire

can be born from the flame

the end is a womb

the start is a knot

I echo the chaos

I take my shot

I (I) I (I) I… I… I – I – I followed the rabbit found the stars I fell through the gap became what we are I crossed my heart hope to die I made the dark live in my eye I heard something move before I was born I wore the noose til' it became my form I ground my teeth into belief I paid the cost became relief I followed the rabbit found the stars I followed the rabbit we are the stars I I I I I I I I I born gap fell wings found map ran fear lost heart heard move I talked void wore mirror ground teeth paid cost crossed heart hoped died I followed rabbit followed rabbit follow rabbit follow rabbit I follow rabbit follow rabbit follow rabbit follow rabbit

tangerine strange — Rochester storm

lake-effect gray, refusing the warm

hands up to heavens — gray's gonna learn

when eleven meets eleven — sky's start to turn

first off — no flinching

two hands — tight gripping

third eye — sees the old me

four corners — no longer hold me

high five — slapping stars

sixth sense — creating bars

seventh heaven — moving in

eight-oh-eight — that's Hawaiian

nine lives — still on one

ten toes — sun's coming up

eleven, eleven

no wishing in heaven

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

counting down heaven

say your name — again (again!)

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

Flour City, Flower City — where gray teeth get devoured

grounded gray to powder, watch as powder turns to flowers

they're loud on the power — I stayed low, ate the sour

fed it to the seeds in the dirt — and now I tower

through lake-effect showers — the Roc never cowers

ten toes, Genesee mud — stepping, eleventh hour

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

counting down heaven

say your name — again (again!)

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

Genesee, genesis — this river's the origin of me

falls keep falling, I keep rising — gray studies gravity

Erie runs eerie, but no static can rattle me

chain of locks run like canals but I was born with keys

industrial engineer in me turns the heat up by degrees

flint in darkness — I don't wait on sparks, I breathe

the Roc came up out of rust — and gray's gonna see

tick, tock, ten, then eleven, eleven — then the leap

no candles, no coins, no well — I'm done wishing

no eyelash, no shooting star, no 11:11 superstition

this is a countdown, not a wish — ten, eleven, listen

strike a match on the gray, and step with precision

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

counting down heaven

say your name — again (again!)

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

eleven's not a wish, it's my witness

eleven's not a clock, it's my business

gray doesn't get a minute, gray doesn't get a say

raised in the Roc in the rust, and the rust gave way

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

counting down heaven

say your name — again (again!)

ten, then eleven (ten, then eleven)

then eleven eleven (eleven eleven)

no wishing, just stepping

pre-dawn darkroom — gray's just a negative

hold up the sunrise — watch how gray develops

Kodak gave the world color, so this kid colored in gray

is dragging crayons down streets — call me tangerine strange

gray will learn color

gray will give way

creating heat, hold onto this fire

creating despite, tell fear be quiet

creating presence by ascending pyres

creating love, how else to get higher

chipping off tablets, reduced ‘em to stone

to secure joists of this skeleton home

exiled self via ground to the bone

rushing headfirst into dark and unknown

counting rings like wood we have grown

channeling floods where runoff should flow

feeding combustion, another spark blows

tears down curtains to ruin the shows

sinking lines to new levels below

below...

below…

below…

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

we’re sifting ashes, extracting grit

striking flint til’ fibers fit

spitting poison, refusing bits

feeding engines, can’t ever quit

lining pockets with sulfur and slate

testing hinges and locking gates

bypass sensors, accelerate

leave debris to disintegrate

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

we are hammer, we are nail

under pressure, we never pale

out of furnace, into gale

watch as we scale

watch as we scale

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

I keep getting higher

creating heat, holding fire...

creating despite...

telling fear…

be quiet

everybody alive is an interstellar furnace in disguise

fusion in your chest, sun rises behind your eyes

half of the stars that ever burned did it under empty skies

nobody ever counted them, nobody asks them why

the ones carrying us all? don't even know they're lit

an exhausted nurse at 3AM doesn't clock the half of it

see something underneath our surface decides to commit

hydrogen to helium holds the simple beauty of it

nobody clapping, nobody watching you transmit

just the nature of matter when pressure is legit

before you ever heard of fame, the feed, or hits

you were blowing up — atoms don't need permits

same gray haul, same gridlock, same lanes before dawn

foot down, mile-markers going on and on and on

strip malls, stoplights, flash, then the entire horizon

peels away under me, small, speck, pinprick, gone

and this gravity that gripped me? always been a con

fuck it — flip the switch — and I'm off, and I'm on

higher, thinner, air — when the atmosphere quits

spits me into the cold but I'm leaning against it

shedding weight as I'm leaving, leaving, leaving

the heavier the climb the harder I'm heaving, heaving, heaving

no air left, none, I'm running on less than less than less than

no more nest, no more nets, no more rest, I rest my case

past the last of the last light, past where cold begins

past the edges of all that is and headfirst into the abyss

beyond pulling, beyond pressure, beyond pain

where blue goes black and there's nothing but cold flames

now Earth's just a marble and the darkness is so vast

and I can finally see what I've been doing with all this gas

rocket fuel, star fuel, I say the word, and I blast

I've been burning myself trying to outrun this black

every climb costs a piece of me I can never get back

and that's what being a star means. that's the deal:

giving yourself up is what makes the morning real

four million tons a second never asking for it back

shining because you're dying, dying because it's an act

of love

love

love

so I burn — past the sun, past every star, past time

out where the abyss starts curving back behind

no exits, no escapes, no hidden doors left to find

and I burn it down like filament, to leave it all behind.

sun for a son — say it slow — that's why I blaze

soul of the sol, every ray that I raise

sun, son, sole sol, rays I raise, the weight I lose

giving light, going light, getting lighter as I move

I'm full when I'm empty, I'll be golden when I'm gone

I'm giving it all to the ones coming up, passing it on

fall, rise, up, down, born from everything I've burned

the more of me I give away the greater the returns

got an heir in the air, giving air for the heirs

turning mourning into mornings, mourning the mourning they wear

every piece leaving self means love was there

and don’t keep a thing, don’t owe a thing, don't want it back

you wanted a star? don't keep getting the picture wrong:

stars don't need a stage — stars are what we stand on

burning until there's nothing, never getting anything back

and it's you. the star is you. burning bright against the black

...

quiet

no more roar. no more rockets. just darkness coming down

all those flames, and not a single soul around —

and the ones I did it for will never feel the burning

they'll just remember being warm

so I strike it again — watching as darkness ignites

no more maps, no more reason, no more watching tonight

love doesn't explain itself, it just burns, and it's right

no ceilings, no floors, no endings in sight

just taking aim at the dark, and the climb, and

burning — going — burn — go — back up through the night

giving self to fire, setting skies alight

sun for son again, soul for sol again

rays that I raise again, gone, then whole again

faster, faster, past rims where light bends home

spending all of myself so they're never alone

I don't get it back, no, I never want it back

everything I am is in the light I can't have

call it loss, call it cost, call it beautiful

bodies creating light, and light is dutiful

give-gone, burn-born, less-more, fall-fly

brighter, brighter, brighter, until there's nothing of I

and it's gone. and I'm gone. and I do it

again

again

again. darkness. no fame, no claims

every body burning is transforming all the same

none of us chose it, none of us knew what we were getting

just felt pressure that was always meant for committing

hydrogen to helium — that's loving, and love doesn't ask for permission

just the nature of the matter, and the matter is not afraid

so I burn, and you burn, and we burn, and we burn

gone before dawn breaks, back before time turns

no exits, no nets, nothing owed, nothing earned

just billions of stars playing the game we learned

again

again

again

all rise

state your name

again

say your name

again

state versus the state I’m in

proceed

innocence, inno— since

since when?, since ten

every sentence, sentences

serve it, serve it, again

innocence, in a sense

in a sense, settle this

who’s the witness? evidence

present tense, present this

meticulous, read the charges

suspicious how judicious gets malicious in the margins

ambitious? or seditious, depends on who’s petitioning

egregious? or prodigious?, the court makes no distinction

superstitious, knocked wood, still the glass went to splinters

religious when convenient, irreverent by dinner

auspicious, they said, gifted, spark, prodigious

he’s lived in that word since, the praise was ignition

delicious, isn’t it, how nutritious he made the damage

plated up the crescent, fed the audience, called it manage—

ment, meant it, never meant this, committed to this, edit this

can’t, it’s evident, he’s resident, livin’ with this

exhibit this: he calls them bars, his word, sixteen, a cell

built the locks meticulous, and he locks up very well

exhibit this: he pleads the fifth in every language but his own

then writes it all down anyway, addicted to this, on his own

the state calls one last witness, no name, just listen

the dark takes the stand

the dark needs no swearing in

the dark was already under oath

innocence, in no sense

in no sense, no defense

every sentence, sentences

serve it, serve it, again

innocence, inno— since

since when?, since ten

if I’m the only witness

what’s the evidence against

your honor, I’ve shown competence

incompetence

I’ve shown patience with the kids

impatience, Tuesday, lifted him with

strike it, strike that, let the record show my confidence

coincidence

built a residence on providence

precedence: father was a void, cite the absence, evidence

I claim independence

dependence

I claim permanence

impermanence, bone knows, ask the spine about resistance

character witnesses: benevolence, intelligence

irrelevant

diligence

or disease, court accepts either spelling

I was reverent

irreverent

I was present

which present, the tense or the wrapped one, the difference is relevant

objection, leading, led with excellence

led with weight, lead in the pipes, the kids drank it, evident

I meant well

never meant this

I serve sentences

yes

no, I meant, I write

yes

I was ten

I was ten

ten meant almost grown, you knew that, you wrote that

no

ten meant ten

ten meant ten

ten meant math no kid should run and he ran it every night

the state rests

the state rests on a child

every count in this rests on a child

that’s not a case

that’s a weight

and I know weight

I’ve been holding it so long I forgot whose it was

reckon with this

children don’t hold court

no docket down the hall

no gavel in the crib

that’s the whole

that’s the whole thing

thirty years waiting on a verdict

from a room

that never opened

I kept knocking

it was never locked

it was never a door

innocence, inner sense

inner sense, never rests

every sentence, self-defense

second nature, second-guess

innocence, inno— since

since when?

since when?

since ten

since her

restlessness, recklessness, ruthlessness, sweep it

helplessness, hopefulness, same closet, keep it

worthlessness auditing thoughtfulness, weekly

faithfulness wrestling faithlessness, nightly

shamefulness, foolishness, spitefulness, carelessness

doubtfulness, doubtlessness, no

meaninglessness, powerlessness, forgetfulness, no

consciousness, seriousness, mysteriousness

curiousness, spontaneousness

outrageousness

ence ence ence ence

ness ness ness ness

inno— inno— inno—

breathe

in—

breathe

in

I’m in

I’m in the house. it’s dark. it’s quiet. that’s all

small hands

green cups

door cracked

night light

she laughs in her sleep

she laughs

in her sleep

nothing has ever happened to her

that visits her at night

and laughs

no charge

no court

no gavel came

she doesn’t know my name’s a case

she just knows my name

innocence

in a sense

in no sense

mine, in no sense mine

inner sense

at rest

in essence

in essence:

it was never mine to prove

it was only mine to guard

no witness

no evidence

no sentence

just this

just this

are you?

just this

yeah

I think so

just this

yeah

I think so