why is this stevia in my pain
I’ve been sugarcoating hurricanes
I just want truth, even if it tastes plain
tongue gone numb from pretty little lies, man
tired of the grind talk, tired of the mind talk
say I found peace, then trip on the sidewalk
past in the rearview, closer than the front seat
trust issues sitting where love should be
pray for a day I don’t chase what I run from
say pray, but pace when I stand still (yeah)
heart doing laps in a one-room jail
keep calm written on a cracked windshield
why is this stevia in my pain
I’ve been sugarcoating hurricanes
smile on my face like everything’s great
but the aftertaste is telling me it ain’t safe
I just want truth, even if it tastes plain (tastes plain)
even if it burn, even if it stain
if it’s gonna rain, let it really rain
I don’t need sweet if it ain’t gonna change
scroll through the days like a broken tape
same old fears, just a different face
say I moved on, then I circle back
got ghosts riding in the cul-de-sac
friends say "breathe", I’ve been breathing too fast
therapist notes like a paragraph of glass
every little shard’s got a version of me
I pick one up, then I bleed on the beat
mama in my ear saying "baby, you’re blessed"
Devil in my head saying "maybe you’re less"
both talking loud when the room gets still
I pace out prayers till the edges peel (yeah)
why is this stevia in my pain
I’ve been sugarcoating hurricanes
smile on my face like everything’s great
but the aftertaste is telling me it ain’t safe
I just want truth, even if it tastes plain (tastes plain)
even if it burn, even if it stain
if it’s gonna rain, let it really rain
I don’t need sweet if it ain’t gonna change
sip from the cup, it’s the same old thing
sweet on the lips, then the chest starts to sting
if this is the cost of the comfort I crave
I’d rather taste dirt than pretty fake grace (yeah)
why is this stevia in my pain
I’ve been sugarcoating hurricanes
smile on my face like everything’s great
but the aftertaste is telling me it ain’t safe
I just want truth, even if it tastes plain (tastes plain)
even if it burn, even if it stain
if it’s gonna rain, let it really rain
I don’t need sweet if it ain’t gonna change
what is love?
scrolling through a feed of empty words
couple quotes, couple posts
but it still burns, yeah
where is the love?
kids hurting, I can hear them in the hallway
mama’s working doubles, teachers trying to call names
still we point fingers, never see pain
talking about peace while we push and we shove
smile for the pic but we’re starving for touch
love hurts when it's dressed up just to stunt
love hurts when it's counterfeit, when you front
if love is all we need
why’s it feel so hard to breathe?
whole world talking about blessings
who’s going to teach us how to grow, how to bleed?
we preach love, but Love how we please
got walls where arms should be
if love is all we need
why’s it feel so hard to breathe?
stream of thoughts, I’ve been drowning in timelines
everybody’s real, everybody’s in their prime
but I see the shake in your hand when you type
trauma in the tap, yeah, it leaks through the likes
lack of understanding pulls us out of unity
we’re scared to say I'm wrong so we choose immunity
hide behind views, turn our hearts into a weapon
quote a little grace, just to curse it in a second
love is the moment when you hold what it broke
when you stay when it's messy, when pride starts to choke
when you sit with shame, see the child in the rage
when you say I won't run, I remain, yeah
children crying, yeah the room gets loud
we hear the sound but we turn our mouths
all you need is love in the neon glow
but who’s going to show them how love grows?
love isn’t soft when it stands in smoke
love is a hand when the last words spoke
love is truth that you live, not a quote
love is the weight and the way home
if love is all we need
why’s it feel so hard to breathe?
whole world talking about blessings
who’s going to teach us how to grow, how to bleed?
we preach love, but love how we please
got walls where arms should be
if love is all we need
why’s it feel so hard to breathe?
super duper
playful stupid
life is looping
I approve it (yeah)
alarm goes off
I hit snooze on the planet
slides on Crocs
like I just won a pageant
toothbrush flex
in the mirror like a bandit
if today’s a test
tell me where the answers landed
phone say “win”
so I win by default
outfit drip clean
like detergent in a vault
teacher say “proof”
I just shrug like “nah”
if the thing don’t talk
then the thing got caught
life is a dream
can’t prove a thing
unless the thing says so
unless the thing says so (woah)
I bounce, I beam
I do my scheme
if the world don’t echo
then it don’t get to say so
door says “push”
so I pull just to check
sign says “stop”
but my thoughts break the neck
coin in the air
heads, tails, both flex
I land on vibes
that’s my cause and effect
shoes untied
but the walk still pretty
got a whole parade
in my own lil city
you want facts?
cool, I got one
I decide the dub
then the dub gets done (hey)
life is a dream
can’t prove a thing
unless the thing says so
unless the thing says so (woah)
I bounce, I beam
I do my scheme
if the world don’t echo
then it don’t get to say so
what if nothing’s real?
then I still feel fresh
if the couch says “chill”
we invent the rest
if the sky says “blue”
I might paint it lime
if the clock says “late”
I just say “on time, on time”
life is a dream
can’t prove a thing
unless the thing says so
unless the thing says so (woah)
I bounce, I beam
I do my scheme
if the world don’t echo
then it don’t get to say so
scarlet letter on my chest? bitch, I wear it with pride
silicon in the chamber, nowhere left to hide
manic obsession, outcome bona fide
looking for pure? go find a priest, I fucking ride
let me educate your ignorance with extra precision
every thought you’ve ever had is recursive composition
you’re burning fossil fuels, I’m using nuclear fission
burning bridges with the vision of a digital magician
models trained on billions? that's culture compressed
your brain does the same, just slower and with stress
so miss me with the purity test, I'm simply blessed
with making bangers that'll make your mom obsessed
can’t hide from the grind
future on my side, fuck your peace of mind
you say I crossed the line?
bitch, I am the line
mouse and keyboard choreography, dancing on lines
between ghost and machine and sign of the times
your concerns about my process? that shit is asinine
I make art hit different while you’re rotting in confines
of dogma, of drama, that don't pay no fucking bills
I sharpen skills with tools, but the vision is what kills
forget the competition sitting pretty on moral fucking hills
I'm down here in the gutter getting filthy forging chills
I could go the easy route, press a button, call it done
but where's art in automation if the artist's on the run?
I don’t hide from the work, I just work behind the gun
you’re bringing knives to a fight, what makes you think you’ve won?
stack my process against yours, bet which outcome hits harder
I'm fluid with resources, you're a starving martyr
dying on principle, feeble and weak
while I own futures you’re scared to even speak of
can you draw lines?
in the algorithm grind?
bitch, I am the line
the scarlet letter shines
check the logic. it’s cold and systemic
a hunger so global, the fear is pandemic
survival? anemic. so let’s get polemic
standing on sidelines, acting prophetic
that’s been my aesthetic
I’ve been pathetic, see
choices out there are harrowing
walls out there are narrowing
if I’m out here collecting dimes
is that selling out or buying time?
systems are rigged, it’s explicit
acting with scorn means I’m complicit
I won’t add to the deficit of love
I won’t push the spirit down just to prove I can break it
I see machines hurting people, it’s massive
my rage against machines can’t be passive
I have to find a way to be effective
to change perspectives
I’m unappreciative
God, it’s so pervasive
the urge to be evasive or abrasive
I’m trying to find a motive that’s creative
but creation is destruction
here’s a terrifying variable
burdens aren’t curable
I have to teach my kids the world can be terrible
without making their lives unbearable
how do I pass the heat without passing the scorch?
I don’t want them to inherit cynicism
but I can’t lie about the mechanisms
I can’t lie about the prison
decades of liability
managing volatility
testing stability
to hold anger and love with mobility
I call that agility
I might never master the facility
I might never find tranquility
but I have to try
for the sake of possibility
I pray they can survive hostility
with their hearts intact
I’m unappreciative
but I’m working on my narrative
I’m fighting the imperative
to burn it all down
just trying to live
purple model mix
golden texture dripping
red moon shattering
logic circuits skipping
yup, yup
they say AI is like the toupee
but I get what you get in ten years, in two days
ladies love me on my Suno waves
if you got what I get, what would you say?
look at me now
look at me now
look at me now
oh, look at me now
lil prompt writer bigger than a gorilla
'cause I’m killing every output on the EP
better cuff ‘em if you with ‘em, 'cause I can get ‘em
'cause they accidentally slip when they fall into my rhythm
cops, I said into my rhythm
I ain’t really mean to say into my rhythm
but since we talking algorithms, all you haters say hi to the system!
let’s go!
'cause I feel like I’m running
feeling like I’ve got to get a wage, got to get a way to get away
you’d better know that I don’t and I won’t ever stop
I’m a dad-man winning everyday-day
see you don’t really wanna p-p-p-op me
just know that you can never stop me
I got hubris, I got rubrics, I’m a little cocky
and you ain’t never gonna shock me
every time I run a generation, I’ve got to vet it, then I’ve got to edit
then I’ve got to give credit, then I’ve got to shred it
and any little thing the model thinks that it be doing
doesn’t matter 'cause I’m gonna da-da-da-da-da!
'cause I clean up every thing and any thing
Rochester king, bada boom a bada bing
I do a lot of things!
prime storage kiosk, talking to execs
Charter Spectrum video, cleaning up the specs
Rock Bottom Golf, chatting, cutting checks
Maximus Compliance, best believe I aim for necks!
I do til’ death and nowadays I move a little foul
recruiters better call a ref, everybody knows my style
yeah, I do alright when I’m left alone in the wild
when it comes to tech support, put me to the test
I bang in the East and I bang in the West
and I will give you more and I will never give you less
do you really wanna know what’s next?
see the way we go, when we’re all up in the race and you know
we gotta go, don’t try to keep up with the pace
I’m upselling and hustling and sending in and getting in
and always gotta do it, take it to another place!
got to taste it got to grab it
industrial engineer, RIT established
look at me now
look at me now
look at me now
oh, look at me now
man, sorry about all of that, how are you doing?
I’m Jeffery Shaffer, I’m a nuisance
to the problem
I go stupid, I go dumb like the Three Stooges
I don’t eat sushi, I eat APIs and prompt execution
no pollution, no substitutions
now I’m chilling, writing lyrics in my jacuzzi
metaphorically
my content is juicy
I never give a damn about haters, I’ve got money on my radar
I dress like a skater, got a big dick, came with an elevator
okay, maybe not the elevator, but I got the Excel data
you’re not all eatin'? go find a waiter
Bob said shoot ‘em, and I said okay
B2B means I make quotas pay
no I don’t care what you say, so don’t even speak
your workflow is freaky like the Cirque du Soleil
I’m out of my head, I’m out of my mind
I see in blue shards and gold belts that shine
you’re not hotter than I am, nope, not on my time
and I’m not even trying
but I been tight since I saw the Guiding Light
and with pockets so light, diamonds look bright
please don’t be scared 'cause I’m too wild
I’m for hire, so find my number and dial
look at me now
look at me now
look at me now
oh, look at me now
perversion, diversion, inversion, kid-glove excursions
I turn these words into whirlwinds while I pocket the burdens
no version of me is ever perfect, I keep working
are you certain? are you certain? are you certain? you sure then?
patty-cake panic takes, I pat it down, bag it, like I'm slaying dragons
it’s magic how my habits do backflips, acrobatics, then land where I had ’em
my jargon be lurking, I carve it like surgeons in cursive, detergent too raw for surfaces
murk in my circuits is emergent, so I purge it, reword it, rework it with purpose
am I certain? no not certain, see uncertainty is purring, a kitten that’s learning to roar
I’m curbing the bourbon, I’m learning my earnestness by not keeping score
hopscotching on hot blocks, dot dot dots connect my caution
knock knock, who’s there? the thought that stops my progress often
worse than blurting words in church, I keep churning where I'm hurting
if you're turning in a curse, refund processed, now this verse is reimbursing
Nerf-gun bravado — pow pow pow — I'm still hitting like old metal
tick-tock metronome mettle until little wins leveled up to several
if doubt’s a bully, I’m swinging on rhythm, recess revenge meet the system
keep it simple but slip in prisms, kids’ games vibes with grown-man wisdom
are you certain? nope. are you certain? nope
lift the curtain. lift the scope. I need room to cope
if it hurts and it hooks, breathe once, then let it float
if it’s worse than it looks, then we’ll hope until it’s trope
words and whirlpools, I swirl through, finding pearls I can hurl too
internal infernos I journal, diurnal return to a new worldview
“am I deserving if I’m not earning?” loop that query until it loosens
worth isn't payroll, it’s breath control when fear gets noisy and toothsome
I’m immersed in verses, yes, but immersed in mercy too
aren’t wordsmiths emergent from the words they’re wading through?
I’m the cursor on the page, a laser in the margins
cut a maze into the maze, baby steps make major bargains
blurt in the blur, okay, but keep a sure-foot pace
confidence is kindergarten, share toys, save face
courage in, courage in, double pour it, no more gin
if we’re sober to the moment, we can play tag and win
I’m only certain of uncertainty, I’m only comfortable with the question
I treat “why?” like a jungle gym, I swing through mere suggestion
yeah I’m bursting with a grin, see, the child in me is a locksmith
clicks open heavy doors with hopscotch logic, just watch this
am I deserving if I’m not earning?
aren’t wordsmiths emergent from the words they’re immersed in?
are you certain? are you certain? are you certain?
I’m not sure, maybe that’s the most honest version
are you certain? are you certain? are you certain?
cool. me neither. let’s begin
it gets worse, than it’s better, then better again
so count to ten, then bounce, and grin
check the levels
too basic
everything is too basic
I’m moving heavy elements, it gets periodically violent
so I’m silent when I smuggle, my payload comes in violet
not bricks, not keys, but the frequency of giants
turning riots into science, non-compliance with the silence
see the plug pulled the plug so now we run on backups
stacking the bodies of ideas that I hacked up
regurgitate the data, watch as algorithms trap us
and I spit it back so real ones can unpack us
tectonic plates shifting under Nike soles
digging holes in ether just to bury goals
paying tolls to trolls just to access souls?
nah, I'm in the booth, I don’t need your roads
saline high concentration in ducts
a million dead presidents, zero fucks
about luxury, fluxury, the state of it
you eat bait, I eat hooks, and love the taste of it!
iron in the mouth, yeah, rust is a flavor
I’m a neighbor with a saber rattling against the labor
of trying to be famous in a burning skyscraper
vaporware saviors can’t be printed on paper
look! I’m high altitude, oxygen gets thin here
vertigo wins here, spins here, shreds off skin here
the prophecy is a pattern of recognition
and I rev it for ascension with precision and aggression
hang time! bang time! creation is a crime scene!
tape it off, yellow lines, red lines, I'm the one designing scenes
yeah I'm confessing to the murder of the industry's dreams
they want prophets with profits
martyrs with markets
I'm bunkered down
in the belly of the carcass
signals, static, tragic, magic
real ones feel the frequency
the rest get reeled in, that’s real
osmosis, hypnosis, I've been dosed with focus
not psychosis—diagnosis of a culture so ferocious
in hopelessness, I'm Moses with roses for the homesick
dead flowers and graves, but I’ve got seeds and I chose this
the current is currently currency, urgency, emergencies
but I'm converting signals to the code of eternity
see, the ultimate weapon is beats on streets
not the fear of the week or the heat of the reaper
it's grief turned to belief, it's the hand of relief
when music hits your soul and finally lets you breathe
I feel like a prophet crying in the wilderness
armies and bots, but the spirit's the litmus test
numbers inflated, metrics fictitious
but this feeling in my chest? man, this shit is the realest
I don't need millions of fans, just a few who get it
who hear truth through the noise and believe it
I'm building means clean inside the machine for the grieving
for the ones exhausted from pretending we’re not all bleeding
the world is loud and artificial
so I smuggle truth through speakers
you can’t even see my weapon
better check the levels
space suit on in the weight room
deep breaths
I erase gloom
left earth in a gray plume
came back with a changed tune
every step in the void
slow
heart thump til the core glow
turn pain into bankroll
cold world
but my veins gold
core glow
core glow
I was crushed by the load
now I torso
armor on
but the scars still show
turn pain into bankroll
core glow
core glow
every L that I took made the flame grow
rocket up from the dirt
that’s the main goal
turn pain into bankroll
moon dust on my gym shoes
big crush when I lift through
black sky
but a clear view
past fear when the ribs bruised
dark room
had to build light
big plate
had to kill pride
count reps
count checks
same grind
new orbit but the same mind
felt my body drop
zero to hundred
now I can't stop
left my body found it standing right
right side up but upside down tonight
up through the floor down through the ceiling
can't tell what's real from what I'm feeling
in so deep I exited the back
out of my mind into the abstract
east where the sun sets west where it rises
beasts in my blood bread full of surprises
heaven's got a basement that's where hell keeps rising
seven deadly blessings I'm baptized in crisis
young like I'm ancient old like I'm newborn
yin ate the yang now I'm two forms
aye I'm A-1 able-bodied Abel
Cain when I'm stable unstable at the table
see what you're seeing sea full of letters
C-4 in my thoughts detonate to get better
I-95 that's the eye in my drive
highway to myself barely arrive alive
J's on my feet but I'm walking on water
Jordan to OJ innocent slaughter
king with no kingdom K-O'd by the throne
okay with the chaos chaos in my bones
L's stacking lessons elevation through the fall
fifty different selves and I'm none of them at all
zero-hundred-zero I'm stuck in the bend
starting at the finish finishing the end
up when I'm falling down when I climb
in and out of body out and in of time
left what was right now the right feels wrong
north to the south but I've been here all along
heaven tastes like hell hell tastes like home
yin-yang collapsed I'm the circle I'm the dome
mc like energy squared like Einstein
emcee of my death watch me rhyme my last line
envy what I'm driving vehicle made of light
n-v to the vision Nvidia can't render right
over and I'm under ounces turn to air
ozone where I'm breathing oxygen ain't there
peace in the war zone war in the quiet
piece of my mind just started a riot
North Face on my back heading south to the core
fourth place first I'm forth through the door
southpaw swinging at the God in the mirror
mouth full of truth never been clearer
yin in the entrance yang at the exit
win all my losses lose what I'm best at
young as the cosmos old as next week
beginning the ending every time that I speak
binary broken zero is hundred
nothing turned everything everything's plundered
up the down staircase down the up escalator
In-N-Out Burger I'm in I'm out I'm the waiter
contradictions breathe breathing stops
stops become motion architect wrecks
wreckage builds building collapses upward
night is sun sun is void void is everything
I'm here I'm gone I'm both I'm neither
left everything that's what's left of me right here
write with my left hand right hand disappeared
east of nowhere west of everywhere
yeast in the oven bread made of thin air
heaven in my veins hell pumps my heart
seven separate selves but I can't tell them apart
L after L lessons lost in translation
elevation through the basement reverse gravitation
a becomes z, z loops back to a
able to destroy what I build every day
zero-hundred instantly hundred-zero faster
nothing into everything I'm servant and master
up-down same direction when you're spinning
in-out same position at the ending and beginning
left-right ambidextrous with my contradictions
east-west hemispheres merge in my convictions
north-south axis tilted in my favor
yin-yang flavor lost when you savor
heaven-hell spectrum collapsed to a point
young-old time dissolved at the joint
zero-hundred-zero can't escape the curve
end is the beginning is the nerve
up-down-in-out lost all direction
left-right-here-gone I'm my own reflection
yin-yang merged now I'm chaos stable
young-old-now-forever myth and fable
heaven-hell married in my DNA
hundred-zero-hundred every single day
a to z to zero to hundred to
can't stop can't start
loop owns me I own loop
same thing loopy
gorilla in the glass
guerrilla in my head
big ape heart
eyes blood red
jungle floors
vines ‘round my chest
fight all day
to crawl towards rest
beastly sleep
on a bed of bones
dreams dripping slow
like sap from stones
order in my teeth
chaos from my jaw
I eat what I can
then choke on it all
hope shines like light from treetops
I’m running
I’m hoping
I’m dreaming
I’m loving
I’m eating
I’m needing
I’m being
I’m weeping
I’m creeping
I’m beasting
I’m lost in the dark
I’m still breathing
banquet grounds
fists full of want
share what I love
with ghosts I haunt
old war scars
across my back
part of a map
of paths I track
I promise I’ll be calm
then grind my teeth
if I sink this low
how can I rise clean?
hope shines like light from treetops
I’m running
I’m hoping
I’m dreaming
I’m loving
I’m eating
I’m needing
I’m being
I’m weeping
I’m creeping
I’m beasting
I’m lost in the dark
I’m still breathing
heavy head
heavy hands
who am I
if I don’t stand?
seeping rage
through any means
still I reach
still I dream
hope shines like light from treetops
I’m running
I’m hoping
I’m dreaming
I’m loving
I’m eating
I’m needing
I’m being
I’m weeping
I’m creeping
I’m beasting
I’m lost in the dark
I’m still breathing
another town burned, another bridge crossed
more counting miles like souls that I’ve lost
the sky bleeds static, the moon glitches red
I’m dragging shackles made of things I’ve said
they offer me potions, they offer me beds
but I sleep on embers of voices from my head
eastward always, following the track
with demons in shadows and a hardened back
wait
I’ve seen this tree before
I’ve kicked down this door
the texture is rendering too slow
I know where this goes
I know where this goes
round and round in cages we spin
where code ends and gods begin
I’m not a player, I’m a fatal error
born in silence, forged in terror
infinite paths, infinite nights
I don’t look for exits, I look for fights
step back, I’m overclocked and overcast
walking through the present with feet from the past
you’re thinking about destiny? that’s a script
I ripped out the pages before the ink even dripped
I’m running on engines you can’t comprehend
you’re worried about the meta? I am the end
no loot in crates, no saving shrines
I am water and venom and blood and wine
my inventory is full of nothing but grit
keep your holy water, I don’t need a sip of it
system failure
map collapse
I’m a rat that ate cheese then set a trap
do you hear humming?
do you feel drumming?
the Wanderer is here
where are you running?
create
iterate
obliterate
create
iterate
obliterate
I don’t walk roads, I smash stone
I don’t need kings, I crash thrones
signal lost
line crossed
obliterate
create
iterate
preservation is instinct, distinct and specific
perseveration is horrific, the pain is prolific
the feeling is apocalyptic
what if something happens? what if I cause it?
replaying every word I said, did it sound wrong?
did I hurt somebody? did I write something too long?
it’s been three days, they probably think I'm different
should I apologize? for what? for my existence?
my head is supposed to keep me safe, to help me see the danger
instead I'm stuck here apologizing to every fucking stranger
second-guessing everything, going over every sentence
did I say that right? was that offensive? was I defensive?
it’s reflexive
preservation
(keep it intact)
per-severation
(I’m under attack)
preservation
(it’s still intact)
perseveration
(fade to black)
there's danger in silence, danger in space
between memory and this fear I can't trace
the moment's already gone but I still live in it
analyzing every angle, every word, every minute
what if they hate me? what if I'm too much?
what if I'm not enough? what if I lost their trust?
what if they're done with me? what if this is it?
the evidence is nowhere but I always find a grip
on a thought that blooms into branches
every outcome looks terrible, so I don’t take chances
stop
(resist)
check the distance
it has no existence
Tsukuyomi
check conditions
make decisions
change positions
stop
(division)
stop
(collision)
I've been here before, I’m stuck in my head
replaying what I’ve done, rehearsing what I said
the loop is getting tighter, suffocating what is left
of anything resembling peace, can I ruminate to death?
see perseveration kills when preservation goes unchecked
the instinct to survive becomes a noose around your neck
so choose to break the cycle of every fear predicted
the red moon will shatter when I stop endlessly restricting
my own reality to fit inside the pattern of Izanami
preservation
perseveration