1 Page Summary

The Sky is Blue: A Personal Account of Mind-Body Syndrome and Conversion Disorder  

(1 page summary, 4-20-26)

When in my early thirties, I experienced back pain that was not diagnosable as a physical issue, despite seeing specialists. It waxed and waned, but eventually got so bad that it even hurt to lean over to tie my shoes, and the pain began migrating. After about a year of this, one week I developed a tremor in my non-dominant hand. Within days the tremors were in both hands, turned into “tics” that occurred every few seconds, and I developed a significant stutter (never had before). Most importantly, it also appeared that I was suddenly losing my ability to walk. 

Many tests were run at the ER/hospital over 3 days (CT, MRI, blood tests, etc). I was examined by 3 neurologists, an occupational therapist, physical therapist, and speech therapist, among other doctors/nurses. When asked about any history of abuse, I denied it. I thought I had a good life. When I finally allowed myself to acknowledge the emotional abuse of thirty years, my speech and mobility normalized instantly, and my tremors were gone! Ninety percent of my pain was also gone that instant. I was diagnosed with conversion disorder, aka psychogenic movement disorder or Functional Neurological Disorder. The mind can no longer process the abuse and it manifests physically. (I later identified that my pain was worst when I had to interact with my abuser.)

In desperation, I posed two questions to myself that allowed me to recover so quickly.

What truth am I unwilling to accept? 

What change(s) am I unwilling to make?  

I acknowledged the abuse and broke contact with my abuser.

That was in 2018. In the years since, I’ve experienced a milder form of this disorder, known by some as Mind-Body syndrome. This has either directly caused or contributed to the following (some were brief, some ongoing): GI signs similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, TMJ (jaw pain) and a cracked tooth, and prolonged knee pain flares that are worse than expected based on x-rays/MRI. I also suspect that the many years of trauma “primed” my nervous system to overreact, such that my Long-Covid is neurologic in nature, namely POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome).

In 2018 I started this book about my experience - one that is true to the hardships of my story but also positive and hopeful, with the goal of helping others in a similar situation. While writing some of the more challenging passages I even experienced a back pain flare, but recognizing it for what it was, I was able to quickly reign it in. I’ve also experienced flu-like symptoms that went away within hours without treatment, once I reflected and chose to set a necessary boundary or make a difficult choice I had been avoiding. 

I now see conversion disorder/mind-body syndrome as a dissonance between what we need to accept or do, and what we’re currently willing to accept or do. It’s a journey, and I’m thankful for what I’ve learned along the way.

I hope this helps. May you heal quickly!

~Amelia Rey Teale

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