Managing our emotions means choosing expected ways to react to our feelings. When we have a big problem, it is expected that we might have a big reaction. However, when we have a small problem, it is expected that our reaction size matches this problem with a small reaction.

This skill can be tricky for our children at times. Sometimes they need guidance in figuring out the size of their problem, and then choosing a strategy or tool to support them in the moment so that their reaction matches the size of their problem.

It is important that we manage our emotions so that our bodies and brains are regulated, and that we are able to co-regulate with the people that are around us so everyone stays calm and comfortable. It is also important that we connect with our child by showing understanding and empathy in the moment. We can offer suggestions of solutions or strategies that your child can use so they can support themselves, however thinking ahead and talking about expected behaviors before a triggering event occurs is key.

"What's the size of your problem right now?"

"Is this a big problem or a small problem?"

"What do you need right now to support yourself?"

"What strategies/tools do you have to choose from?"

"I'm sure you're feeling ___________. I'd be feeling ___________ too if I were you. Tell me what I can do for you to help you solve your problem."

"Can you draw what this looks like in your brain?"

Chunking assignments is a great way to lessen the load, take away some of the pressure, and make assignments easier to digest. Taking pieces of an assignment, and seeing pieces bit by bit, allows your child to see things as more manageable, easier to conquer, and motivated to complete.

When your child starts to complete smaller tasks, they are more willing to keep going. Celebrating these smaller victories together is also a great way to quickly re-engage your child and motivate them to continue the work.

You can use phrases like:

" Let's break down this project into smaller parts. What part would you like to start with first?"

"Check your personal clock."

"Do you need to pick up your pace?"

"What is stealing away your time right now?"

PRO Tip: Use a personal clock to help your child visually see the smaller tasks, and experience time as it passes. Use a dry-erase marker on a glass-faced clock to chunk the amount of time for each task, or have your child do it themselves. The personal clock will keep them motivated and on tasks as they move from one activity to the next, and they will be able to see, and feel, time as it passes.