I swam in an ocean and nearly drowned

Dec. 30, 2024 - Manila, Philippines - Bienvenido Ponce

Originally published on Medium

At first, I only walked along the shore with my feet touching the waves as they touched the sand. Then I walked closer to the sea until half of my body was submerged underwater. I swam farther and faced stronger waves until they trampled over me and kept me beneath the waters straining with a little amount of oxygen in my lungs — I nearly drowned and died.

That is how I describe how social media severely affected my outlook, self-confidence, and personal value. The latest and largest social media networks we know of today operate on a system called algorithms. When a video appears once in our feeds, over time, similar videos related to it will be repeatedly shown to us.

Apparently, not all content that we consume online is inherently good for us. Although some are not meant to make the users feel inferior, it still triggers something deep within us to feel that way regardless. Maybe it is because of our unsettled insecurities, traumas, or neglected emotions.

In my case, I have unsettled insecurities, the majority of which still require some unpacking. I have consumed contents from people who are, based on the standards of society, more attractive, pleasing and refreshing to the eyes, and beautiful or handsome. From what I perceived, people with these “face cards” have express tickets to fame, opportunities, wealth, and success. This insecurity and thinking from consuming too much of what social media feeds me has led me to self-destruction.

Due to this, I began to doubt myself. I began to depreciate my value — of who I am and what I can. I was so focused on who I am not and what I cannot that I forgot who Bienvenido is and how skilled and talented he is. 

I was so focused on the things I did not have, I forgot to be grateful for the blessings that I have. I was so focused on conforming and being them that I forgot to grow and discover who I am. I allowed myself to destroy my confidence and value.

It made me believe that to be who I wanted to be, I had to be like them and conform to their standards. But I am not them, the same way that they are not me. 

There is a famous quote that says, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” I realized that trying to be them and do what they do which I am not intendedly built for is meaningless. I have my built-in tools in me that have a significant value yet I disregard them. Not able to understand that they were the tools that I exactly needed to figure out my distinct path, struggles, and success.

If I never stopped consuming and conforming to the things I am not meant for, the delays of abundance on the things meant for me will compound over time. 

I have swam and dived so far that I nearly drowned. Perhaps, you are already in that ocean as well. You might be lingering on the shore, or in the shallow part of the ocean, or about to lose the last ounce of oxygen in your lungs. I want to remind you then to be careful not to be tricked or get tricked again into believing that you have to be them in order to be you. You already have the right tools in you to utilize and develop, because that might actually save you from the situation where you are right now.

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