Questioning Plurality

Figuring out whether or not you're plural can be difficult sometimes, especially when you're only just starting to learn about the terminology and concept of plurality. It can be a lot to take in and a lot to think about, and you might be feeling overwhelmed.

You might be struggling with feeling lost or alone in this. You might feel scared of having your life change, excited about what this could mean for you, nervous that you might be judged for being different, doubtful of your own experiences, or any number of other emotions. It's okay to have these feelings, and important to recognize them.

Maybe you recently came across the idea of plurality and felt like it might match up with your own experiences. Maybe you were recently diagnosed with DID or OSDD and are struggling to come to terms with the idea that you might not be alone in your head. Maybe this is something you've been wondering about for a while and still aren't sure of. Regardless of how you came across the idea of plurality and started questioning, it's okay to feel unsure or afraid.

There are a lot of different experiences that fall under the plural umbrella, and no one correct way to be plural. Don't judge yourself if you don't fit a specific type of plurality. Every brain is different, and yours is no exception.

The most important thing to remember when questioning is this: if the framework of plurality makes sense and is helpful to you, it's okay to try out the idea. What matters most is that whatever framework you use helps you make sense of your experiences, and if plurality does that for you then there's no shame in saying you might be plural.

It's also worth stressing that you do not need to commit to any one label or framework if you do not feel comfortable doing so. Take your time exploring and listen to your needs. Ultimately, this is about what's most helpful for you. If you don't like something, don't do it. If there's a word you're opposed to, don't use it. How you define your experiences is your choice alone.

One more disclaimer. This site should not be considered medical advice, or even a definitive authority on plurality. It was written by a flawed system working with what they had to help others in a way they wished others had helped them. As such, the information may be incomplete, biased, or otherwise imperfect. Linked sources may not be written by perfectly angelic authors, either; while effort has been taken to avoid sources written by known abusers, it's entirely possible that the authors of this site were unaware of a particular linked site's problems. While efforts were taken to reduce potential problems, it is still strongly recommended that you do your own additional research and trust your own mind over the word of internet strangers. We cannot possibly know you or your situation, and it would be wise to consider whether the information presented here is actually helpful and useful to you.

If you believe it's not what you need, do not force it to work for you. If it does help, take it with a grain of salt and think critically about the information. Do not rely on internet strangers to tell you the contents of your own mind.

Figuring out whether or not you're plural can take some thought; it doesn't tend to be an instantaneous realization and acceptance, though it can be for some. You'll want to look at your own experiences and notice what does and doesn't line up with plurality. Consider what led you to question in the first place: what brought you here?

While all systems vary in experiences and presentation, here are some questions related to common plural experiences that might help you when thinking through your own experiences:

• Does the framework of plurality make sense to you? Did it seem to "click" when you came across it?

• Do you ever feel like there are one or more people sharing your brain with you, or like you have distinct aspects of yourself that behave more independently than typical parts of self? Does it feel like your identity or existence goes beyond that of "one person per brain?"

• Have you ever felt like you became someone else, or behaved out of character for yourself in a way you can't quite explain? Are you often confused or upset by your own actions after the fact because you wouldn't normally do that?

• Have you noticed any significant shifts in your behavior, preferences, and traits that cannot be explained by regular parts of self?

• Have you ever felt like you watched your body do something without you directing it, or felt like someone else was in control? Do you ever feel unusually detached from your body?

• Do you ever hear internal voices, get thoughts that don't feel like they come from you, or have an internal dialogue where you are not in control of what the other side(s) say? This may not be verbal, and could come in the form of imagery, emotions, or inexplicably knowing something is being communicated. If it comes in the form of imagery, is it not better explained by intrusive thoughts?

• Do you ever feel emotions that don't seem to come from you, or that don't seem related to your current situation?

• Do your skills and abilities fluctuate more than is normal? Have you ever found yourself suddenly unable to do something you normally have no problems doing, or vice versa?

• Do you have characters or muses that seem to take complete control of your behavior at times? Do you have kintypes that seem more separated from you than part of you, or that behave independently from you?

• Do your gender, sexuality, or other major identities change often? Do your opinions and preferences often change? Do you have a hard time figuring out who you are as a person?

• Is there any consistency to these identity changes? Do certain patterns keep recurring?

• Do you ever find notes and drawings that you didn't create, find evidence of doing things that you don't remember doing, or have periods of time where you can't account for what happened? Is your memory for the recent or distant past unusually fuzzy, hard to recall, vague, or distant?

• Do some of your memories feel like they don't belong to you, but to someone else instead? Do you feel detached from your memories?

• Did you have these experiences before discovering plurality?

• Does all of this require energy or effort to ignore, suppress, or hide?

• Can these experiences be better explained by intrusive thoughts, hallucinations, seizures, or other explanations?

Not all systems will experience all of these things (particularly those relating to memory) and many of these experiences can have other causes, but if you're answering more than a few questions here with "yes" or "maybe", there's a definite possibility that you're plural.

If plurality makes sense for you but you're not 100% sure, it's better to err on the side of thinking someone is there when they're not. If someone is there and you assume they aren't, it can cause problems with communication and trust when they finally do get through to you. You can always find out you were wrong about being plural further down the road, but it's hard to undo the damage done by denying someone's existence when they're trying to make themselves known to you.

If you think there might be others in your head, there are a few ways you can try to get proof.

The easiest way is often leaving a note: write a note explaining the situation and asking if anyone else is there, leave it somewhere that it's likely to be found, and wait to see if you get a response. Do your best to ensure that the note won't be intercepted by an external friend, family member, partner, or other individual who may take the opportunity to mess with or manipulate you. If you're not able to safely leave a note lying about, you could write the note on your phone or computer instead and ensure it will be seen by you there. Put your safety and privacy first, especially if you are currently living in a dangerous or abusive situation.

It may take a while to get a response depending on how often someone else is in control and how comfortable they are telling you they exist, so be patient and give it time. This kind of external interaction can also be very helpful in combating doubt because you have tangible, external evidence that someone else exists; it's much harder to deny something when you can see it outside of your head.

Another option is asking around inside your head. Talking inside your head is a lot like thinking, but directed at someone or something. Some systems compare internal communication to prayer in terms of how it feels; if you're familiar with praying, it's very similar but directed internally instead of externally. Regardless of how you conceptualize it, ask inside your head if anyone is there and see if you get any responses. This method can be a bit tricky when it comes to knowing whether a response came from you or someone else, especially if you're not used to talking to others in your head, but it's relatively simple and can be very effective if your internal communication is good. Keep in mind that this method may not work if communication is blocked off, and a failure is best followed up by a different method of reaching out.

If you struggle to get a message through in your head, you can sometimes circumvent that with visualization. Imagine something like a mailbox, a cell phone, a slot in a wall, or any other items that you associate with communication over a distance. Write a letter or text, make a call, push a message through the slot, or otherwise use the object to push a message through. If you can't imagine visually or use your senses inside your head, that's okay- the idea of the object and its use is the important part. You're using symbolism to get around a communication barrier by doing this.

If none of these methods are an option, you may be left working off your daily experiences. Look for signs that someone else was in control, and listen for any internal conversation, or for thoughts and feelings that didn't come from you. Notice times that you don't feel like yourself and write those times down, along with any other significant information about you. Keeping a log of your personal information over time like that can make it easier to spot any differences.

If you suspect you may have amnesia between system members, see if you can notice any gaps in your recent memory and try to find out what happened during those gaps; did you behave in a way that's not typical for you, or do things you wouldn't normally? Did you express opinions or preferences to anyone that don't match your own? It may not be that obvious since many systems make a point of hiding their existence, but it's worth seeing if it is. Sometimes this also shows up as littler things like finding objects aren't in the places you always put them. Make sure these gaps are not better explained by another condition affecting memory and recall. It's worth getting medically checked out if you're noticing large, unexplained gaps in your memory.

If you don't think you have amnesia, try to notice when someone else might be in control. This might feel like watching your body do something, like you've become a different person, or like something else; the feeling varies from system to system. Notice any memories that don't feel entirely yours, or that feel like they happened to someone else. See if you can pick up on switches or influences coming from others in your head. It's possible that switches might not be noticeable for you; keeping a log of personal information can again help when it comes to detecting switches and influences.

Regardless of what method you use to try to get proof that someone is around, trust yourself. You know your own brain best, and listening to your own mind is the best thing you can do.

Take a look at our page for newly-discovered plurals and reach out to the wider plural community. Meeting others that share your experiences can be helpful!