Newly-Discovered Plurality

The first thing recommended for most newly-discovered systems to work on is communication: get talking with your system members. Getting good communication going between you and your headmates will make life a lot easier and can help you adjust to sharing your brain with others. Don't worry about labels or knowing everything right away. Take your time and establish positive or neutral connections to the rest of your system, and the rest will come with time.

There are two main types of communication: internal and external. Both are equally good, and you're not limited to using only one. Use whatever method works best for you.

Internal communication takes place inside your own head and involves thinking back and forth with your headmates. It can take the form of words, images, sensory information, emotions, and more. Anything goes if it can happen in your mind. Sometimes it can be a bit tricky to figure out where something is coming from; trust your intuition if you're not sure. If it doesn't feel like the thought is entirely yours, it might be coming from someone else. If you experience intrusive thoughts, this may be much more difficult if you do not have a good sense of who thoughts originate from. Get confirmation from your system members if you're not certain whether something was an intrusive thought or communication.

External communication is any type of communication that happens outside of your head. This can include leaving notes, talking out loud, sharing or trading control of the body and typing back and forth with each other, asking someone to move a part of your body, or any other method of talking to each other outside your head. It might take longer to have a conversation like this than it does to have it internally, but it works even when internal conversation falls through. If you choose to leave notes, make sure they won't be intercepted by friends, family, partners, or other people who may take the opportunity to mess with or manipulate you. Even if you live in a safe situation, it's possible they may assume the note is for them and respond accordingly. It's best to ensure the note won't be seen by anyone not in the system.

Once you've established a line of communication and gotten a response, it might be a good idea to make a list of all the system members you know about. Write down their names, pronouns, and any other information you think is important to know about them. Having this information is very helpful for keeping track of people and getting to know your system, and asking your system members about who they are is a good way to learn about each other. You want to establish good relationships with your system members, and getting to know each other is the first step of that.

Speaking of, that's likely the next thing you'll want to work on. Do your best to really get to know each other and work on creating a positive internal environment; be respectful of each other and try your best to be understanding of any problems or flaws. Everyone has a reason for acting the way they do, and it's worth remembering that people aren't perfect. Even if someone's being truly horrible to you, they have a reason for doing so, and it's important to figure out what that reason is so you can help them through it. After all, you're all sharing the same brain.

It might be worth setting up some house rules or an internal government to ensure people treat each other with respect. You can find an excellent article on making rules and/or a system government here and a sample set of system house rules here.

Above all: don't stress out too much. Everything is going to be okay, and there's no rush. You have plenty of time to learn how to live together, and you'll figure it out as that time passes. There's no right or wrong way to be plural, and you're on this page for a reason. You know your own brain best. Trust yourselves and give yourselves time to work things out.

You're not alone in this, either; you have your system members. They can help you adjust and be there for you when you're struggling. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and do your best to help them in return. You're all in the same metaphorical boat here, and you can work together to figure things out.

A collection of plurality-related links can be found on our resources page. They include explanations of what plurality is, definitions of community terminology, guides on how to do things, and more.

You can also find a collection of plural experiences on our database page. While they're not representative of all plurality and are only a sample of people that have decided to contribute, you might find it helpful to see how other people conceptualize their plurality. You might even want to add to the database yourself!