Memoir

The Day I Knew I Was Growing

by: Nerisa Rosas

I always assumed growing up would be slow and barely noticeable. I thought that one morning I would simply wake up and feel like an adult. I never expected growing up to actually happen in tiny moments-moments that shape how we think about ourselves, our family, and our lives. Back then, I saw the world as simple. My joys ranged from playing outside to enjoying my favorite food, watching tv and laughing with my friends. It never occurred to me to think about the future. All I knew how to do was simply live in the present.As the years went on, things became more and more complicated. More expectations seemed to fall on me, my schoolwork became more challenging, and

soon, I began to have questions I'd never asked before: What will I become?

I remember one night sitting very still after an overwhelming day of thinking about school, the household chore list, and so many other thoughts that tumbled inside of me. I wanted to be a kid again, and my biggest concerns had been which video game I wanted to play On this particular night, I realized that I cannot have all of that back, but I control the presentGradually, I began to understand my parents and everybody else working their best to get by. Before, I believed that adults had all the answers to life. Now, I know that they carry many fears, struggles, and insecurities with them every day, and for this, I feel a certain gratitude for the sacrifices they make for me. I learned that friendships could either develop to change completely or die off over the years, while others could mysteriously enter our lives from nowhere and become very close. Initially, losing friends hurt, but then I learned that maybe not everyone is meant to stay with us forever. Each new person we meet brings a lesson with them to help us on our way before they continue their path on their own. There were moments in time when I doubted myself tremendously. I would experience failure, get rejected or disappointed, or have a day

where I thought I wasn’t doing enough. But with every experience, I took away a lesson that helped me be more patient with myself and realize that real growth doesn’t always look like what we call success. "Thinking about my younger self now, I am proud of her. 

    That girl didn't know what the future would bring, but she kept moving forward without knowing exactly what lay ahead. I am still growing today. I still make mistakes and get caught up inuncertainty and fear. But I no longer feel I need to have every answer, no matter what it is that I might encounter. Maybe getting older isn't about having all the answers anymore. Maybe growing up is about having the courage to keep questioning.Carrying the younger version of myself forward with me as I continue on this journey, I find the girl in her dreams, her ability to laugh without fear, and belief that anything is possible still live inside me.I hope a bit of that girl always does. .