Beyond the Five Stages

Every person faces challenges that test their strength, but some experiences linger long after the moment has passed, influencing almost every part of life. Grief is known as an acute, natural emotional reaction to a significant loss or change. It is usually known for being split into 5 stages to broadly describe how people may go through grief and take in that loss or change they may be going through. Grief is a feeling that is very different for all and is a highly non-linear process and experience, especially depending on what one person may have gone through compared to another, and their life as a whole. The loss of a loved one can impact a person’s emotions, as well as their physical, relationships, and even sense of identity.

Everyone's structure of grief is shaped by their relationships, memories, and life experiences. No two grieving processes are ever the exact same. The Mayo Clinic is a renowned, nonprofit American academic medical center that is focused on integrated health care, education, and research. The Mayo Clinic states, “You may have trouble carrying out normal routines, isolating from others and thinking that life isn’t worth living” (Mayo Clinic). The Mayo Clinic illustrates that grief can deeply hit someone to the point where living their life isn’t even something they want to do. While some people may experience severe emotional and behavioral changes after a hard loss, others may grieve differently and not encounter these same challenges. This variation emphasizes the concept that each person’s response to a loss is influenced by their unique experiences throughout their lives. The Biography of X is a complex novel that features C.M. Lucca as the narrator trying to research and learn the things that she previously didn’t know about her dead wife X. Lucca believed that “At the time I wanted to believe I still loved her, despite everything, and I missed her terribly, and that the biography was a crucible for my grief” (Lacey 214). With the phrase, “the biography was a crucible for my grief” Lucca suggests that writing and investigating X’s past became Lucca’s place where her grief was concentrated, tested, as well as transformed. Rather than grieving in a linear way, Lucca channels all her emotions into building the biography and figuring out X’s past, making it a very big coping mechanism for her during her journey. Additionally, Lucca writes,  “Why did I find myself returning and returning to memories of this woman who, I knew by then, had betrayed me, had lied to me…I began to cry and tried to stifle it. Don’t let him know. Don’t let on that you loved her” (Lacey 234). With the repetition of “returning and returning” Lacey illustrates the fact that Lucca’s grief is driven by emotional conflict and even unresolved attachment. Lacey emphasizes how Lucca can’t seem to escape her thoughts of X and the overall abnormality of her grieving process. By portraying grief as a complex struggle between love, Lacey demonstrates that mourning is a highly individualized experience that does not always stay true to the original five stage model of grief.

The 5 stages of grief aren’t fully universal and usually vary with many people. As said by the Mayo Clinic “For some people feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes” (Mayo Clinic). With the word, “debilitating” the Mayo Clinic develops a mournful tone in order to convey the overwhelming impact that grief can have on an individual’s daily life. By choosing a word that implies severe physical and emotional impairment, the Mayo Clinic emphasizes that grief isn’t always some temporary feeling of sadness or depression that fades with time. For some people, a loss can become so intense that it disrupts their ability to function normally, further proving the point that the grieving process varies greatly from one person to another. The Psychological Preventative Health writes, “Grief is often described as a series of stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but not everyone in Ogden follows these in a linear order. For some, emotions may cycle unpredictably, making it difficult to identify when normal grieving transitions into a mental health concern” (PPH). By stating, “emotions may cycle unpredictably,” PPH emphasizes the irregular and non-linear nature of grief. Instead of progressing through a fixed pattern of emotional stages, many individuals experience recurring feelings that can resurface and overlap unexpectedly. It’s what makes grief an emotion so complex and difficult to deal with.

Kubler-Ross’s original five stage model presents grief as a sequence of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, suggesting that people move through a common set of emotional stages after a loss in a linear order. Healthline is a leading digital health and wellness publisher that provides consumer-friendly medical information, wellness advice, and fitness tips. Healthline states, “Grief is universal and often described as passing through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance” (Healthline). Healthline presents that grief’s fine stages are in a fixed order and suggests that there is a recognizable pattern of emotions that those going through grief experience. Although the five stages are a somewhat good representation of what people may experience when grieving a loss, all human emotions are very personalized. No two people ever feel, nor experience a feeling the same exact way. It’s what makes us humans all unique. Harvard Health states, “There is no one right way to grieve, and everyone experiences loss differently” (Fisher). Fisher emphasizes that the experience of going through grief is a unique and personal rather than a universal process that everyone goes through the exact same as if it’s a checklist. The Mayo Clinic writes, “Grieving is a highly individual process” (Mayo Clinic). Mayo Clinic further highlights that grief is shaped by a person’s unique circumstances, especially including their prior relationship with the deceased because if someone very dear to you passed it can usually create a stronger feeling of grief due to that close bond you may have held with that person as well as the amount of love you felt towards them. “Grief can be an unpredictable roller coaster” (Fisher). With the metaphor of a roller coaster, Fisher deeply conveys the unpredictability and even the fluctuation of going through grief as well as the possible feelings that may come from it when experiencing a very hard loss. Fisher is able to emphasize that grief is constantly changing and there’s no way to predict what may come next, hence why the 5 stages aren’t the most reliable to go off of. The Healthline article presents the five stages of grief in a specific order and suggests that people often experience similar feelings in the same way that others do. This challenges that idea by asserting that there is no single route or pattern that applies to everyone due to the fact that everyone has their own relationships, personalities, and cultures so their emotional response to a loss can vary greatly.

While grief is often viewed as an emotional response to loss, its effects can go as far as affecting a person’s physical health, relationships, and daily life even long after the loss has occurred. MedlinePlus is a health information resource produced by the U.S. National Library of Medicine. They provide medically reviewed information on a wide range of physical and mental health topics. MedlinePlus states, “You may experience grief as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction” (MedlinePlus). MedlinePlus demonstrates that grief affects multiple aspects of a person’s life rather than just being an emotional response. The broad number of reactions mentioned by MedlinePlus supports the idea that grief can influence an individual’s social relationships, physical health, as well as their overall lifestyle. The Cleveland Clinic is a nationally recognized nonprofit academic medical center known for its medical research and patient care. With the quote, “Loss is an extreme stressor that can take a major physical toll on your body” (Cleveland Clinic). The Cleveland Clinic is able to further depict the physical aspect when it comes to the overlooked effects of grief. The phrase, “major physical toll” emphasizes that grief can produce tangible effects to your body. By highlighting symptoms such as fatigue, the Cleveland Clinic reinforces the idea that grief can disrupt a person’s daily functioning as well.

Conclusively, grief is never the same for two different people. It is highly personalized and can affect a person differently and more severely than another. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. I myself am unable to say that I’ve experienced grief, nor went through its process, but I’ve definitely seen the way it has affected those closest to me. I believe that finding support is very crucial when it comes to healing or starting the process of healing and beginning that last stage they call “acceptance”. Ultimately, grief cannot be reduced to a universal set of stages because everyone's experience with loss is shaped by their own emotions and circumstances. It’s what makes grief one of the most personal aspects of human experience.