WHAT DAD TOLD ME
What-I-learned-from-dad
3 pieces of advice my dad gave me...
Always wear a seatbelt Don't run with a toothpick in your mouth Never get married
At a Doctors office no matter what privacy you are promised there is no such thing as doctor patient confidentiality, they will tell the nurses and other staff and they all do laugh about your personal problems when you're not around. And don't be a dick to the receptionists, they can either be your best friend or your worst nightmare.
Dad told me about database administrator for a telemarketing company that makes over a million calls A DAY.
When you tell him to place you on our do not call list, he is only legally required to place you on the do not call list for that client, he serves over 90 clients and move your data back and forth between them. His business is very, very profitable, despite over 80% of calls ending in "F OFF AND DIE" or some variant thereof. When you buy/cave-in to one his 'pitches' he places you on a special list that results in a huge increase of calls for other 'pitches', depending on the demographic - he openly refer to these as his "Sucker Lists", and he sell them for a lot of money to new clients, i'm talking 6 digits.
You will be able to get a discount 90% of the time when there is a "enter promo code" when buying something online. Just google [company name] + "coupon code".
The secret to women is to act as though you can live without them but treat them as though you can't.
My dad taught me that you can tell how a guy treats his mother or wife by how he treats the waitress at the diner.
My parents taught me to never have kids in a loveless marriage.
"You want to find a girl who used to be ugly, or fat. Preferable both. That way she had to develop a personality and some smarts. But the key phrase there is "USED TO BE," because good looks still matter."
The best way to make this work is to become her friend BEFORE she gets thin. Make that investment early and then when she becomes hot she thinks "well, he was my friend when i was fat so he must be a good guy and better than all these guys who wouldn't talk to me before"
My dad: "Never do anything you can't explain to your mother."
Don't start fights, finish them.
Be polite, say please and thank you to everyone.
When going on a date with a boy, always be able and willing to pay your own way but be thankful if he pays.
When a guy unlocks and opens the car door for you, reach over and unlock his door in return.
Use condoms, as well as instructions on how to use them properly.
You're smart and can do anything that you want to do with your life, but most of all we want you to be happy.
When a guy unlocks and opens the car door for you, reach over and unlock his door in return.
everyone is a friend until proven otherwise.
From a professor: be nice, but be firm
everyone is a friend until proven otherwise
This is brilliant. I've seen too many people that live the opposite way...
a) When you're doing something with her, treat her the best in every way. Take her nice places, share yourself with her, etc. like normal, but
b) don't call 24/7, don't go on and on about how you'd be lost without her, have your own opinions, be just as self-sufficient with or without her
parent
My parents taught me that I'm awesome. I never really believed them until recently when I realized that I am, indeed, awesome.
Mom said God made Eve from Adam's rib because a woman should always be close to a man's heart.
"If you get a girl pregnant, you're raising it, not me" -My Mother.
My mom said this to me, except, the female version ("If you get pregnant..."). I explained to her that my grandma is really young and loves children, and that my mom is a bad mother anyways.
My mom said this to me, but she doesn't speak English very well so it ended up as "Don't tie up babies".
My dad told me about a time in college (back in the 60s) when he and a friend had a break between classes. They decided to walk to the nearby hospital and by the spot where the nurses took their lunch, thinking they'd harass (tease/ flirt/ heckle?) the young women for a bit.
My dad is tall and slim and his friend is short and squat. As the two of them walked up, full of confidence, one of the nurses looked over and said, "Hey look, here comes the number 10." After a moment, my dad and his friend realized she meant them, my dad being the 1, his friend being the zero. As all the nurses broke out laughing, my dad and his friend turned on their heels and slunk back the way they came.
He ended with the lesson: "Women in a group are dangerous."
World doesn't owe you anything. Anything that happens to you is skill, talent, work and luck. Always be thankful for the luck when it's good but don't piss and moan when it's bad.
Honesty is quicker
Gin makes you crazy
My father told me, and continues to tell me these words of wisdom: Be Careful
Always be a gentleman Give em' what they want Power is an illusion
God didn't create religion, man did.
"Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "
My mother taught me how to be a reasonable, rational person through example by being an unreasonable, irrational bitch.
My parents indirectly taught me never to be like them. It worked.
Dad said "Your word is your greatest commodity, if you never lie or bend the truth in your life you will go very far."
Also "Always accept responsibility for mistakes you make. People want to be around those who can admit when they did something wrong."
My Mother was an accountant and raised me to always see everything in a fiscal sense. Therefore, she knew the one way to make me properly understand things is to apply to my fiscal sense.
"Would you pay half your potential earnings for 18 years in order have sex without a condom for one night? I didn't think so."
I also figured out that plan b is less than 1% of my yearly earnings, so crushing it up and hiding it in the eggs is both a fiscally responsible and practical solution!
That if you're in an argument with someone, it doesn't matter how right you are if you lose your temper. The second you let anger take over, you look like the asshole, and your argument loses all power.
The converse is true: When arguing with a woman, being completely stoic, logical and apathetic will also make you look like an asshole. Then your argument doesn't matter because you have a crying unstable girl on your hands.
My mom worked herself stupid until she found a way that worked well, and allowed her to complete what she needed to get done. No one is impressed that you worked until 10:00, people were impressed by what you actually got done. If you found a better, faster way to do it, that's OK.
My mom taught me a lot of old-school conservative things that I grew out of at a young age. My dad didn't teach me shit, aside from how to successfully abandon your family.
Hey, that's a valuable skill, nothing's worse than going out for smokes and then sheepishly having to come back because you forgot your car keys.
Dad: "If you aren't always learning or trying to learn, it's a guarantee that someone else, somewhere in the world is pulling your weight for you."
Never get into a fight; but if you do, don't stop til the other guy can't get up
My father taught me to lie, cheat, steal, and under all circumstances never let the facade fall.
My mother taught me to forgive others and to appreciate the total lack of control you have over another person's life and decisions.
My mom's advice was solid:
-Don't give women everything they ask for.
-If you find a girl you like, tell that girl how attractive her friends are
-Kindness is usually seen as weakness.
-The second a girl uses affection (she obviously meant sex) as currency, the relationship is over
-Polite indifference is hot
"women are like monkeys. they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on another one"
It's not something I learned from my parents, but it IS some of the best wisdom I've learned: "It's not an income problem, it's an expenses problem"
If you are nervous before a first date, drink a beer in the shower. Because you feel cool, you're also drinking beer, and you're also taking a shower.
Only get your hair cut by a man and only get a massage from a woman.
Learn how to do everything for yourself and never expect help from anyone. AND, never help anyone who refuses to learn the skill they asked you to lend... unless it's someone elderly or otherwise incapable.
My Dad always told me - "Be wary of a man who has nothing."
My grandfather taught it to my dad and he taught it to me. Treat any workplace as though you owned it.
From my mom to me while I was wrestling with my brother: "Don't punch with your thumb in your fist, you'll break it!"
Most women in college don't want to date-thanks Dad.
If you ever buy a motorcycle I will kill you-thanks Mom
Do not pass out in or around a trailer
Stay away from pills and powders
Men give love for sex; women give sex for love.....
Catholics feel guilty for things they shouldn't do, but did; Jews feel guilty for things they should do, but didn't.
Wasn't my parents, but my uncle said to me, "Women are like shadows, you follow them and they run away, you run away, and they follow." That worked for a while, but now... not so much. :|
All my parents ever said about sex, feelings, relationships, girls at all was "Give your girlfriend footrubs."
And it seems like half the ladies I get to know have some moral objection to feet anyway. You touching their feet, your feet being out, anyone's feet touching anything, the very idea of feet just grosses some girls out.
Probably some better advice was actually about how to retrieve a dog we had who liked to dart out the front door if given the chance: "Don't chase her. If you chase her, it becomes a game. Don't chase her."
Don't have a girlfriend, and then we'll find you a wife.
My Dad: Don't inject anything
Treat everyone in the way that you would like to be treated.
If they don't hit you, don't hit them. If they DO hit you, hit them back twice as hard.
From the example of both parents: Don't rely on others, always have a back up plan, always be able to go it alone and take care of yourself.
Being a child of immigrants, it was:
"everyone is against you"
"work to benefit yourself, not to benefit the Man"
"always fight for (take) what you want"
"learn as much as you can, so you can be better than everyone else"
Worst advice from my mother: "All men are wolves and will do whatever they have to do to get into your pants."
Best advice from my father: "There are a lot of good men out there. There are bad ones too. Find a good man and take care of him. He will take care of you."
"Its better to ask forgiveness then permission"
Always know where the emergency exits are.
Enjoy it while you're here.
ver a lender nor a borrower be."
Two generations, passed down. I have a revision, simply stating that if money parts from me, whether or not it returns is not in my control. Also, if I borrow, the money is going to be returned in 24 hours, so it's like it never happened (but it did).
My parents told me a similar thing. I have never borrowed any money, I feel its great advice. My dad also taught me "if you do a favor and expect one back, it's not a favor. Don't do favors if you expect to be reciprocated."
Another option is to live life honestly and not play games with your partner. Eventually you will find someone who doesn't need a silly games to stick around.
My dad said to me "Never just believe anything someone tells you without thinking about and making up your own mind about it."
From my Dad: "You'll eventually learn to find the good in just about everybody and the value in traits you yourself don't have."
My uncle called me on the day before college. He told me to go to class, and that you don't need to wave and say "hi" to everyone on the quad, but you might as well smile a lot.
Teat a girl like dirt and she'll stick to you like mud." -
Never overcook salmon. This advice has served me well.
Have respect for yourself. Have respect for whoever you meet.
The father of a friend of mine was fond of saying: "The most overrated thing in the world is sex, the most underrated thing in the world is a good shit."
"Don't eat yellow snow" -Grandma Johnson
My Mother: "It's your life, you can fuck it up anyway you want"
My parents always told me that the best man is one that acts as though he can live without me but treats me like he can't.
Just kidding, the second I think you are trying manipulate me with how you treat me out the door I go. (That's just me, I am sure some girls love it. ) It sure imitates that whole "I am an independent person but have genuine feelings for you" thing nicely.
My advice: Socializing is a game you have to play, until you meet someone you don't have to play with. (I found one. )
My parents taught me what not to do, by example.
When I told my Dad I was taking a trip to New Orleans: "Make sure the woman's not a man..."
Uncle: "Always check a woman's fingernails. If she takes care of her nails you know she takes care of other things." I still do it.
dad says to be careful with the following medical conditions:
Bacteria Infections
Impetigo
A small patch of reddening of the skin that becomes a cluster of white blisters which turn yellow. A highly contagious infection which requires antibiotics.
Stye
Inflammation of the eyelid, often the upper lid. It is caused by an infection in the hair follicle, swelling, redness and can be painful. Scratching or rubbing the area may cause the infection to spread.
Boils
An infection of the hair follicle caused by the staphylocci bacteria. Inflammtion occurs with pus formation.
Viral Infections
Cold Sore (Herpes Simplex)
A highly contagious blister normally found around the lips of the mouth. The infection should clear with in two weeks. A doctors note is not needed.
Conjuctivitis
Itchy sore eyes/eye which weep green fluid during sleep. Antibiotics normally required. A doctors note will be required due to cross infection.
Genital Warts
A hard rough 'lump' which varies in size. Highly contagious if open and weeping. A doctors note is required due to cross infection. If having intimate waxing, Vaseline will be put on the warts providing they are closed, unfortunately I am unable to wax over warts.
Shingles
Caused by the chicken pox virus (Herpes Zoster). If you have shingles it is advised not to have waxing until the infection has passed. A doctors note will be required due to cross infection.
Fungal Infections
Ringworm
Can effect various parts of the body, large red scaly or inflamed itchy areas of skin. Highly contagious and unable to wax until infection has cleared. A doctors note will be required due to cross infection.
Scabies
Caused by a parasite and is highly contagious. A doctor's consent will be required when infection has cleared.
Lice
Head, body and pubic areas. Infestation of the hair and clothes by tiny insects which suck the blood. Intense irritation which makes the suffer scratch constantly. Doctors consent needed once infection has cleared.
Skin Disorders
Psoriasis
Patches of skin with red raised areas and silvery scaly skin which can become infected. The body makes new skin far to quickly for the skin to cope causing this condition. Open or weeping psoriasis can cause cross infection, making it unable to wax. A doctors note is required.
Eczema
A red raised rash which is itchy and cracks can bleed and weep. Varies with each individual. Unable to wax with open sores. A doctors note is required.
Raised and hairy moles
Unless moles are inflamed, swollen or weeping, there are no problems waxing over them.
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RULES 2 LIVE BY:
Be excellent to each other.
Be careful of women who wear perfume. You can trust them, just be careful.
Don't trust women who go out of their way to insult themselves in front of other people.
It isn't heavy snow unless you can have a decent snowball fight.
There are few words that people enjoy hearing more than their own name.
If you don't know what you want, you probably want sleep.
hundredthmonkey 5 points 4 hours ago[-]
My unwritten rule is to never say "I hate you".
sleep with her before you marry her
Don't do something for others. Teach them how to do it themselves.
Be openminded.
Always use the turn signal.
Don't road rage.
Don't treat children like you're coming down to their level.
Treat them like you want to bring them up to yours. This makes them feel more equal, smarter and more confident, generally.
Don't do something for others. Teach them how to do it themselves.
Disregard this in the context of the workplace. Protect your skill sets. Make sure you are indispensable.
Wise words. Shame I could never heed them. In all honesty nothing good ever came from protecting knowledge in the salaried postion. The guy below you is your best friend.
My goal is to avoid companies that foster that kind of attitude. I'm all about sharing information and so far I've been rewarded for it... though I guess I might change my mind if it ends up backfiring.
Think before you speak when you're unhappy; don't think before you speak when you're happy.
Forgive; nobody is perfect. Apologize; you're not perfect.
Remember to return the things you borrow.
Over-indulge in moderation.
Try hard not to lie. Your life is interesting enough without exaggeration or fabrication.
Don't worry about grades. They're just letters, and you don't worry about the alphabet.
Don't assume other people aren't having just as bad a day as you are.
Whenever using technology on the can: Put it down before you wipe. Pick it up after you wash.
I am a big guy on Karma, just try and be a good, caring, patient person and good things will come in return.
Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.
Whatever happens, happens. Just accept it and have a wank
Never start a land war in Asia.
Try everything once; Experience over money; Try not to go into a store before they're closing; Lie as little as possible, unless the truth is going to really screw you over; Always have a plan, but don't think you'll ever stick to it; Live like water, don't try too hard at something you can't change, move on; Much of life is simply a numbers game, keep trying; Live to your own personal best potential; Always let others speak their mind; Never judge people until you've heard their story, even then, only if you lived it can you "fully" judge them; Give to others the emotion you want for yourself.
Assume everything in life is alive and conscious, you'll respect the world a lot more.
Also, don't go into a restaurant right before they're closing.
Because other people are still dining? And the management insists on letting people in until X, but probably only pays their staff until X, even though they may be there til X + 15 cleaning up after you, even if it's not legal to stiff them on it. And because of this, the staff is going to be pissed at you keeping them late when they're not even going to get paid for it, and they expect you're going to tip like an asshole because you're the inconsiderate sort that comes in right at closing. And then spit in your food. If you're lucky.
Note: have never worked in a restaurant, but can extrapolate from tales of friends, etc.
I've worked at a restaurant. The businesses always pay for the hours that people work, but workers are trained to know what to do at closing time, and when customers are there way past hours, you can't clean up in time. All retail/restaurant workers just want to go home, honestly.
It's kinda like knowing that you're going to leave at a certain time, and then your boss tells you you need to do a project, only you're tired and you aren't being payed a lot.
Be polite to everyone you meet,
but have a plan to kill them, just in case.
Complete all contracts.
All metals are money.
in matters of property, it is always better to ask permission.
If you feel like you're interrupting someone, you probably are. Let them speak.
Pay attention to what other people say and do - if nothing else, it's a good model for how to behave in new situations.
Let people in on the highway. Wave when someone does the same.
Karma is real. If you see the opportunity to help someone else, especially when it doesn't require a big sacrifice on your own part, do it. Even if just for the warm feeling you get.
Cheat and be cheated on. Once. Then you'll never, ever ever do it again.
Things aren't as bad as they feel - really. It's going to be ok.
You may feel like being an asshole is ok, that you're just "being yourself". You may feel like because your friends let you get away with it that they actually like it. You're wrong. Tact is not weakness, restraint isn't a flaw, and being a nicer person actually makes the right kind of people like you more.
If something went wrong, it's my fault. I may not have seen it coming, and it may have not been my responsibility, but I still could have seen it coming if I looked hard enough. I need to learn from whatever happened so it won't happen again.
The Rules:
There are no rules.
It's not fair.
Nobody cares.
There are always rules if you decide to live in a society...
Don't be killing folks.
lNever smoke while laying down.
Never curse the sun. Even if it's shining directly in my god damn eyes when I'm trying to drive.
Wipe front to back.
The craziness of a woman is directly proportional to the height of heel she is willing to wear on any given occasion.
Measure once. Cuss twice.
Don’t eat the big white mint
If you’re gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash
Nobody ever wins a fight
Be nice until it’s time to not be nice
Give me the biggest guy in the world, you smash his knee and he'll drop like stone
two official rules:
1) everything you think you know is possibly incorrect.
2) being wrong is the most important learning tool a person gets in this world.
when being handed a bong with a freshly-packed bowl, light only a small edge or corner of the bowl, so that everyone gets greens.
If you have something nice to say, say it.
I try to live by the Rule of Courtesy, rather than the Rule of Law. Every door I hold, every smile, every thank you is Karma in the bank. You guys like Karma, right?
That's why I always tip generously.
All commercials lie. Verify everything you can.
Don't be immature and resort to violence, instead, use big and condescending words to humiliate them
the underwear goes in the inside.
Everyone has complete freedom to do whatever they want, so long as no harm comes to any other person.
Kid, there are three rules that I live by:
never get less than twelve hours sleep;
never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;
and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.
Do not feel obligated to follow arbitrary rules.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Never take another man's beer.... or kick him in the testicles... both are not funny and will result in severe destruction of you!
Eat cheese as much as possible. And experiment with different cheeses.
"Always take up the whole bed when you can."
Help others any time you can.
Never respond to anger with anger.
Don't ever, ever press the red button.
never cheat on your spouse...in the end it's never worth it and it will ruin your relationship.
In no particular order:
No matter how much you dislike someone, always show them common courtesy
Rule 1 does not apply if that person has harmed you or your loved ones
Don't interfere in peoples' lives unless they directly ask you or if you have a really good reason
Be aware of you surroundings at all times, especially if you're doing things you'd rather other people not know about
Offer kind advice whenever socially acceptable
Laugh whenever possible
Always have an exit strategy
Being impulsive makes you look like a jackass, always think things through
Go outside and look up at the stars, remember how small you are in the grand scheme of things
Understanding of the world around you is the best way to navigate life successfully, learn everything you can
Trust is not the same thing as respect, don't get them mixed up
Don't get involved with women who have kids
Know how to let go of things
Happiness is temporary, enjoy it while you can
Know how to say no to people you love, if you don't, you'll get rolled for everything you have
Double check your work
Avoid, like the fucking plague, loud, attention seeking people who are in it for the glory, money, to be a face, to be a name
Keep a low profile, know how and when to blend into a crowd
Know how to look presentable, you never know when you'll meet someone important
Be selective about what information you give to people, just don't make it look that way
"There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft... When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness." -- Baba, The Kite Runner.
Question everything.
Live as if someone is always watching you.
Take your meds.
No one will ever know what is best for you. No one can ever tell you the right thing to do.
Don't hurt anyone you don't have too.
If someone attacks you remember that there is no such thing as fair. End that fucker ASAP.
Right now and maybe the moment after is all you get. Do something with it.
If you promise something make good on it or fail having done everything in your power to make good on it.
You can sometimes trust a liar, you can never trust a hypocrite.
Work smarter, not harder.
Knowledge is power. Don't be obnoxious. Be good. Do better. Run.
If you have a strategy to get ahead in the world don't brag about it to other people.
"Leave things better than you found them.". So yeah, I usually go out of my way to pick up trash if I see it and such.
If someone saves my ass from either death, embarrassment, or a highly uncomfortable situation, I owe them. If I can't repay the debt in kind they definitely get a beer and can call on me anytime for assistance.
Never betray friends or family.
Never leave your participle dangling.
Practice common sense and courtesy, you share this world with everyone else.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, most people just want to poke it with sharp objects.
Life is simple, it's the people that make it complicated.
If I say yes or something of the sort, I follow through with it.
don't call anyone after 10p.
"I ain't never put my gun on nobody who wasn't in the game."
in an argument: touching = crossing the line. talk all u want, but no touching.
Everyone starts out neutral and can earn trust/respect or lose it.
I will bend over backwards to help you any way I can, but if you f me, I'll f you twice as hard.
Do not, under any circumstances, for any reason, in any way touch my stuff without permission.
Start every day with a pot of good coffee and end every day with a bowl of nice ganja.
Pay it forward.
Don't cook bacon naked.
act with honor and put your own self interest first. rules are meant to be bent, only suckers follow rules perfectly
You pee in the stall before you even think of peeing in the urinal next to someone else.
Keep sweet stuff out of lunch and dinner food (other than for dessert). I'm looking at you, Chinese food.
Learn to appreciate yourself - there aren't enough people who will do it for you.
Take every opportunity as if it were your last. Live life.
Do on to others as I do on to myself.
Politeness is free. Spend it.
Remember that you will eventually have to look into a mirror, so live your life in a way that makes you able to look into your own eyes without shame.
Think of others first. (or to be more precise: think ahead about how my actions or decisions might effect people in my vicinity. If/when possible - adjust my actions/decisions so that I can obtain my goal as well as having a positive impact on others.)
Find ways to be more efficient.
Do things right. Even if it takes longer. Even if its more expensive. Taking the time to do things right always pays off in the long run.
If you've had a tough day/week where you've done a good job of doing all the advice above -- then give yourself a little treat (tonight it'll be some hot soup, bread, a fruit juice and some cheesecake/ice cream for desert)
Don't eat the whole tub of ice cream in one sitting.
First, do no harm. Docs use it and I think it makes sense.
Never, ever, under any circumstances rub another man's rhubarb.
Don't eat people. Unless she asks REALLY nicely.
The Silver Rule: Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you.
An it harm none, do what thou will.
Practice being nice, so you get good at it.
"Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that."
Everybody is high as a kite on "something"... mostly "themselves."
Treat accordingly. This includes "us!"
Never sell your stash where you rest at
Whenever watching a commercial, 'reverse' the meaning of everything, from the imagery, the key words, and the general message to approach an approximation of the reality behind the product.
For instance, where I live, the cable TV provider (Foxtel) never ever shows people actually watching television. A typical commercial will show some humans interacting (reverse that) having an 'off-beat' conversation (reverse that) and talking about how it saves money in a tough economic climate (reverse that).
Doesn't work with all ads though, so it's not a hard rule.
Wait at least 2 years before getting the idea and getting the tattoo.
Don't idealize friendships and relationships.
It's not your job to be liked by other people.
If you're going to fight, then fight.
If you do fight, keep your chin down and your hands up.
Accept that you're going to die no matter how careful you are. Live accordingly.
Listen more than you speak. Process what you hear. Don't just wait for your turn to open your mouth.
Better to over comment your code than trying to figure out what poop2222(); does a year from now.