Mindful Noting
I was able to do some mindfulness exercises today. I have meditated, listened to calming music, and written about how I felt in the moment. They were all calming for me, but I believe that meditating was a bit difficult for me since I was always questioning if I was doing it right. It has been a positive for me since I was calm by the time that I finished trying the methods. I have tried meditating before and I still questioned if I was doing it right. I believe that I would be open to completing some mindfulness exercises, but I would want them to be done a different way if possible. I like to write, but I am not very accustomed to writing about my feelings more than finding a song or other media that describes how I feel. I believe that stress reduction is the best benefit for me. I have many responsibilities and stressors, so it would be best if I could find something to cope with it. I am interested in learning new ways to go about mindfulness exercises.
Nature
While I was out in nature this week, I realized that I do not hear birds on this campus as much as I thought that I would. I usually hear them at night when it is very quiet. I can see small grey birds skittering around the ground. They blend into the ground very well. The main animal that I see are grey squirrels that sometimes come very close to humans. They do not work the same way as the squirrels that I see at home since the ones that I usually have do not get very close to you. I noticed that there is a tree near the Slane Cafe that I have never seen in bloom before. It reminds me of Japanese cherry blossoms, though I know that this is not the correct name for it. Its limbs were adorned with the prettiest tiny pink flowers that I have ever seen. This is the thing that grounded me the most even though I had to meet my friend at the same time that I saw it. I took a moment to stop and look at it without taking a picture to preserve the moment.
Reflection 1: What Went Well and Why
This week, the theatre department is in its final stretch for preparing Lost Girl. One of the things that went well was that we had our first dry tech run this week. I belied that I would need some more time with my transitions and that they would be terrible. I completed the other tasks well also, but this was my main accomplishment. I saw, however, that my newest method of remembering my transitions worked very well for me. I do not usually take my time celebrating my successes. I do sometimes by going out or just saying that I did well but it is rare and the moments are fleeting. I am not sure if tracking my successes would create a false sense of accomplishment, but it does feel like bragging to me. I definitely have noticed that I track what did not go well and internalize it. I saw that I am better with adapting to changes better than I thought, but I also thought that I have a slower recovery time from quick changes. I believe that noting what went well if worthwhile for me since it is partially grounding. I might use Friday nights as a way to reflect on the week. I have a few friends and my immediate family members that can offer constructive criticism. I could ask more people that see me on a regular basis as well.
Journal 3: Sleep
I was able to sleep relatively soundly when I turned on some music or ASMR videos. I have tried this in the past and it worked well. I used to only use ASMR or classical music, but I also found that Hungarian folktales went well for me. It had a narrator with a soothing voice, light music, and interesting stories. Since my mind is active while trying to sleep, the stories gave my mind something to focus on. There were a few times that my mind would not stop racing but then I tried switching ton something more calming like clay cracking ASMR. I do not believe that there is anything that would have made this experiment more impactful and I will be trying any options that I did not try in the future if I need a new method. I believe that I will trying even more attention to nature or the sounds around me before I go to be since it is very calming for me anyway.
Journal 4: Exercise
This week I was not able to actually get to the gym, but I was able to walk and run a lot around campus. In doing this, I was still able to complete the task. As I always do, I listened to music while I did my activities. I tried changing up the genres that I listened to since I usually only feel one consistent emotion when I am walking. When I started exercising without the purpose of getting a class or a meeting, I felt more productive and better about myself. While I walked, since I am not acclimated to playing some music while I am walking rather than others, I started walking in different ways. Most times it would end up as more of a jaunty walk since it blended with my dancing. I believe that exercise should be integrated more throughout the upcoming weeks, it definitely improves my mood and it will hopefully get me back into the gym.
Journal 5: Self-Talk
I was able to talk to myself a few times this week. I sometimes was looking at myself in the mirror while I was walking but other times I would just talk myself through what I was doing if I was feeling unmotivated or I was having trouble doing something correctly. I had done the same thing in the past since sometimes I need to gently guide myself through what I need to do to do it correctly and efficiently. After the initial awkwardness, I saw that I just needed to praise myself more instead of criticizing myself for smaller mistakes. The writing was fairly easy since I do better with writing what I am thinking. This exercise supports growing your self-awareness since it shows you what you need to work on. I will incorporate music into my positive self-talk by making a playlist of songs that calm me down if I am feeling anxious. The value of talking to yourself is that you have a deep understanding of yourself while still being able to learn more about what you need. I will try to incorporate positive self talk by thinking of what I want to say to myself in any given situation and applying what was said to the situation at hand. It can be necessary for me to write sometimes as well.
I was able to complete my priorities for the most part. I was not able to do one thing on my list, but I still count that as a win. I already had a plan for frustration in mind. I went and got some books from the library so I could just give my brain a break if I am frustrated. I also know to listen to music, and go to Couch's flex space to sit and do homework to quiet my brain. I was able to do a lot more of my work before the due dates and I did not feel like I had to rush or that I was bored of the work. I believe that my main problem is time management especially when it comes to having the freedom to socialize. For self-care, I made sure that I got in bed at around twelve, and 1:30 at the latest. In the morning, I felt much better, so it was necessary. I can definitely control how often I agree to go out and socialize and when I should. I believe that reading in a different area is a good activity is great for the end of the semester. The worst thing for me to do is to go out with friends every night, stay out for hours, and to rush every homework assignment.
My goal was to get the Google site and QR code ready to put on to the newsletter which I also wanted to reformat. I ended up completing this in just a little over thirty minutes. Taking control of when I completed this and how quickly I finished it was pretty empowering since I would have to break the time up into shorter bits over a longer period of time. Setting this time for the tasks to get done, felt more productive. I believe that productivity is definitely more of a means to an end. I have taken pride in being busy over the past year, ignoring the feeling of not being productive. I still have trouble empowering vs toxic goal setting because I am always underestimating my ability while still overestimating how far I can stretch myself. I would say that being more aware of myself and what I need would be the best course. I can see now from my list that career building and fun, creative self care activities are the most important to me.
I was able to track the three things that have gone well for me. I was able to arrange my priorities for the week, I stuck to them, and I limited the time that I had with my friends pretty well. It was fairly easy to come up with these goals since I have been meaning to change my habits for the better. I knew that I needed to improve my focus to allow time for more enriching hobbies anyway. I have grown into a person that can manage her time a bit better. I really enjoy the fact that I can see myself changing for the better now. A defining moment for me was that I declined hanging out with friends to get some work done, which was a trial for me. A challenge was prying myself away from a hangout session to continue getting work done because if I am having fun, it is really hard for me to leave. I still struggle with it most times but I can try setting timers for when I want to leave. I believe that I will complete my homework by the middle of the week in these next few weeks at this rate. I will need to get better with my time management to do it, though.
The main thing that I realized is that some people walk faster than others do. There are many factors included in this but the main one is that there are always events on campus that we can attend in addition to going to our regular classes. Another thing that I noticed is that everyone is constantly drained from their responsibilities. Finally, there are many gardens on campus that would be relaxing but there is no one in them. This could be possible because of our responsibilities or because we do not know about them. I am honestly a person that regards being busy as normal and something to be proud of. I am tired all of the time even if I just came back from a break so I know that I need to change these thoughts. I find myself going to work and straight to class and then staying up late with my friends at events. These events are what i believe promotes busyness. I believe that I should tighten up even more on my time management skills and set a schedule for the days that I need to stay alone.
I was able to go through a mental diet by filtering media that I knew was going to have severe negative effects. I decided that I would still consume the same forms of media that I usually do, but I would be more mindful of how it made me feel. A lot of current news made me feel anxious for the future. This exercise was thought provoking as a whole. I found out that TikTok, which is my main form of media, can be helpful when attempting to digest news stories, but it can be as overwhelming as any platform. The way that I want to spend my time is by learning to do things I have always wanted to do, or by simply doing them. I do not like consuming media as frequently, but I am not sure how to stop at this point. It has become an integrated part of society and my daily life.
I was able to visualize my future. I had become a high ranking member of a branch of the government with my main job description being cybersecurity and counterintelligence. I am able to travel around the world with funding from my job and I have the ability to do work remotely. I also have my own side business for extra income. It was refreshing to see myself in the future because I knew that I chose the best path that suits me. I was not surprised by anything since I have planned everything accordingly, nor did I have any realizations. My future will take quite a while and I know that this dream can be volatile. It is useful to have an image of this future since I can stick to my path better if I can see what I am working toward. I would fit what I do into the path that I would have to take to get me to this future.