Mirrored - Caylin Vollmer

Caylin Vollmer -

My artworks have stemmed from either emotion or current interests. Some of my pieces have been outlets for me and with those pieces specifically I want them to be outlets for other people as well. I want my art to be a distraction, a sense of comfort, a place of rest for people that have gone through or are going through similar situations that I am going through. I want my art to convey to people that it is going to be okay because I personally use this small amount of optimism to keep myself going and keep myself alive. Within my works there is a theme of distraction with these ideas of juxtaposition and depictions of altered realities.

One of the darkest themes within my body of work is about suicide. I have personally struggled with that myself and with people close to me and I think it is something that isn't talked about enough in a way that shows it as an issue. I think it has been very romanticized in a way, just because of how many people are struggling with mental illness. Distraction may not be the healthiest way to cope with mental illness, but it is the most accessible and with that then comes my art because I create works that I like and the whole art making process for me is a distraction and so I want my art to be a distraction for others. I want my art to inspire others to create and use art as a distraction and an outlet as well.

A majority of my works are depictions of various body parts and there is a large focus on eyes. The reason for that focus on eyes is because I find them to be very captivating and the way in which you can see emotion just through someone's eyes is mesmerizing to me. I think the intricacies of the human body are so unique and so detailed and that is what I like to incorporate into my works. I use a lot of dark color schemes because I enjoy dark colors and the contrast that they can bring. Within the inspirations behind my works I am inspired by a lot of manga artists and authors, specifically Junji Ito and Gege Akutami. That inspiration within my art then leads to my growth and the changes I have gone through. Part of the changes I have gone through is realizing and seeing that I am my own person and I should not let other people dictate my life and so when faced with people that are pushing me into this mold they created for me I am going to push back. I cannot stand being told how to dress and act and what views I should follow because what gives someone the right to dictate the life of someone else. I am often told that I need to be careful on how I present myself so that I am not berated or judged negatively when I go out in public and into the world, I am told I need to appear classy so I don’t draw attention to myself and to all of that I say “Why?”. Why do I need to present myself a certain way, what is wrong with the me now and the way I present myself? I want to push boundaries like this not only with myself, but with my art as well because in no world am I going to confine myself to what others want for me. I make dark and bloody art and art that calls out homophobes because I want to support people that are simply just living and upset the people that are trying to control others. Something I live by is ‘if something is not harmful to you such as a form of art or media then you do not have to subject yourself to it’ and I think this is something a lot of people don’t think about and it really shows in a lot of cases. You have the power to control what you consume and I feel like that is the epitome of my art and my existence.

Untitled, 28x36cm, acrylic on watercolor paper

Throughout this piece I was struggling with how long it was taking me to draw and paint all of these individual ribs which was insanely frustrating, but paid off in the end. The inspiration behind this piece is slightly influenced by a manga in which there are these realms that can be created and so if I were to be put into this painting I would be very small beneath the eye as this realm is infinite and there is this black water that goes on in every direction infinitely into the horizon.

Hatched Eye, 28x36cm, gouache on watercolor paper

This piece has room for interpretation, but when I was creating it I had in mind that it came from the perspective of someone setting up a meal after having killed someone and the meal consists of a fried egg, but instead of a yolk it's an eyeball, alongside of a glass of blood and more eyeballs. This piece differs from some of my previous styles in my works that have consisted of messy lines and a lot of bold brush strokes, so something like this is refreshing.

Untitled, 23x30cm, oil on watercolor paper

This small painting stemmed from these sketches that I had created in my sketchbook of just a bunch of necks and collarbones. For this piece I used a really thick bristled brush so I could get this messy and erratic texture that I wanted. I wanted the color scheme in this painting to be kind of a representation of death and dead corpses because of the fact that these are headless necks. My intention with this piece was to just create something with gore and blood.

Untitled, 23x30cm, gouache & white gel pen on cold press paper

This piece was created in an assignment in which we were each assigned components to work with and the two components that I was given were shape and contrast and so I made a bunch of triangles and filled them with eyes to focus on the difference between organic and inorganic shapes. I chose eyes as my inorganic shape simply because I really like drawing and painting eyes. However the center eye and the center of the piece I dislike so in the future I might revisit this piece.

Infested,48x61cm, micron ink on watercolor paper

This piece stemmed from these sketches of centipedes I had created and with this piece I wanted to do a horror type piece and show how intrusive thoughts can feel sometimes in a way. The centipedes in this piece represent intrusive thoughts within someone's mind and how terrifying and nonstop they can be, at least in my experience. That sort of fear is something I wanted to create and centipedes are often depicted with a horror type theme within fiction.

Losing My Mind, 40x51cm, oil on canvas

This piece represents the mental slope I have been constantly falling down for a while. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my mind or I’m just detached from myself and with this piece the background is this broken wall with brain matter in it and that brain matter is the brain of the body in this piece. This piece is about dissociation and that separation between body and mind and some cases that separation and specifically within this piece how that constant dissociation is mind numbing.

Fly. or. Die., 69x92cm, ink & watercolor on cold press paper

This piece is one of my most personal pieces. The meaning of this piece is about wanting to die and I wanted to make a piece that had some mental health tie in and so I created this because I struggle with a lot of mental health issues and it’s also just a relevant topic especially in times like these. And so this piece incorporates dying as a means to get what I want or flying in the sense of leaving everything behind and starting over.

“Don’t be gay”, 46x46cm, collage with sheet music, magazine cuttings, and maps, mod podge, ink pen, and gouache

“Don’t be gay” is something I had been told by someone in my life and it is an interaction that has constantly been in the back of my mind. This piece has been heavily inspired by a gay artist named David Wojnarowicz. The words in the piece are not meant to be taken seriously because you should be gay, you should be able to express yourself no matter what. In this day and age there is no justification for homophobia because why should someone else’s lovelife be a concern of yours?