Real Christmas Letter: I'm feeling 22.

One of my favorite traditions for over a decade has been to sit down and try to write a REAL Christmas letter. Not just the highlights, but a few honest moments as well. It started as a joke with one of my friends, thinking how refreshing it be for people to share more than just their perfect lives that we are used to seeing on Facebook and Instagram. It would be way more truthful and a whole lot more entertaining. So here goes…

2022 ….the bar was set pretty low. And I’m happy to say that the year exceeded expectations. Meaning, it was better than 2021 & 2020. I’m starting to think that maybe it is ok to be hopeful again. Before starting to write this year’s summary I skimmed the last few…and I could not be happier to tell you that this year was a bore by comparison. Sure, Covid is still a thing. And it went through our house like a stomach bug. Except one that lingered and was even less welcome. By comparison to the past few years, things are starting to feel normal. In other words, we are all overextended and exhausted.

We made our usual summer rounds: mountains and beaches. The first few days of summer we spent in a mountain home in Colorado. Owen fly fished and white water rafted. I hiked and hit the hot springs and Tess got to entertain younger cousins. It was a nice change of scenery and temperatures. For the guys, this was their second trip to the mountains this year. They snuck in a quick ski trip during Spring Break and Tess has still not let it go. Later in the summer we went to Galveston where my kids did their usual beach things, crabbed, played games and body surfed. It rained most of the week, but we ate good food and found pockets of sunshine. We had plane tickets for San Francisco but a few of us got Covid. (It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me) – so California – see you in 2023. In between vacations we took a half dozen college tours. If Owen isn’t ready for college…I am. These college freshmen have no idea how good they have it. Robots that deliver food on campus, lazy rivers, dorm food that actually tastes good and washers and dryers that no longer require you to save your quarters for a month.

Recently, someone asked me as the mom of a senior (yes…you read that right…I have a SENIOR) how I am preparing to let go. I couldn’t help but laugh at the question. My homebody son who rarely ventures out…is now almost never home. He is very much preparing me whether I am ready of not. He ended his Junior year with 2nd team all district honors (and then proceeded to quit tennis). I love watching him play and cheering him on. I love seeing his letter jacket hang in the mudroom, but I knew he was done. Sometimes you have to let your kids choose their own path rather than the ones that feel familiar. Without a single practice meet, he showed up to the district UIL academics meet and took first place in Biology advancing to Regionals in Lubbock. I tagged along to take in a college tour and eat some calzone. I was eager to walk the campus, see old friends but once again - the places and things that were so formative for me were not the places for my son…and I have started to realize that not only is that ok, but it is very likely for the best. My son is funnier, smarter and a hell of a lot better parallel parker than I was at 17 (and at 44). He is figuring out who he is and who his people are, and these teens have a lot more questions to answer about identity than I ever did. But, unlike his momma, he seems ok with figuring it out. He seems comfortable in uncertainty and maybe that is because is certain of the things that matter most. One thing I am often uncertain of is if he is passing all his classes or not. So far he has always managed to squeak it out but we will see how long his luck (and generous teachers) holds. Regardless of his motivation, by the end of his junior year he had earned credit for all 5 AP courses he has taken and every AP award and distinction the College Board gives. And thank you Jesus and Crash Course because college is going to take every last penny we have, I’m glad to save every dollar I can on earned credits. His current plan is to attend UNT and major in Biochemistry. I think the school is a perfect fit for him and don’t hate that it is just over an hour away. Owen’s primary reason for choosing this school, however, was the food options in the cafeteria. Maybe not the reasons most people pick a college, but at least I know what his priorities are.

When he quit tennis I said he had to join something and get a job. He did both – with some help. He has also found a social life, which means we are all sleeping a little less. You can find him on the weekends behind the counter at Leaves or out on the town. I’m glad that high school is starting to look normal for him (thanks covid)...but am less of a fan of dating, parties and him not responding to my texts.

Tess has gone all in on all her interests. She is still playing competitive soccer and barrel racing. Her previous horse instructor stopped giving lessons and helped find someone new for Tess. Her new teacher is twice as far and twice as expensive so she doesn’t get to ride quite as often as she did. She also sped through all of her lesson horses in a very short time. Reluctantly, the new instructor eventually placed Tess on her own racehorse because she was too fast for the rest. Now I have TWO people trying to convince me to buy a horse (not happening). I still know zero things about horses and am petrified each of the few times I’ve seen her knocked from her saddle on the floor of the arena. Each time she’s gotten right back on the literal horse. Last time I asked about it on the way home. Don’t worry mom, “I know how to fall.” And I suspect that could be a lesson we could all learn from.

In addition to improving race times, Tess is also collecting yellow cards (those are bad in case you don’t speak soccer). She went from a young passive player to the most aggressive girl on her team. I’ve tried to teach her the distinction between assertive and aggressive but I think she has confused my nuance with pulling jerseys and slide tackling. She is constantly asking her dad to "go take shots" and for now I'm glad she only means kicking soccer balls when she says that. At fourteen she has mellowed just a tad. She still mostly thinks I know nothing, but will very occasionally ask me for help with her homework and she did tell me that she wouldn’t tell me not to chaperone her last field trip. I figured that was as good as an engraved invitation and jumped at the chance. The joke was on me because following a group of 8th graders around the zoo took all my patience and energy. Her style is mostly the same. Ripped jeans, lots of black and things from Goodwill, but is finally sans braces. Tess is into KPOP which I don’t understand. Literally, since half of it is in Korean. Her friends are kind, respectful and diverse and unlike Tess, are impressed with my musical tastes. Both her anxiety and grades are sky-high. Tess stretched her independence and spent the first few days of her summer on an optional school trip to New York City. She even occasionally sent home a few pictures when I demanded proof of life. Her closet is perfectly organized, but just yesterday I found 8 empty cups in her “clean” room. She “makes” less than she used to …but will occasionally break out a sewing machine or power drill. She asked for airpods for her birthday and now I have two kids that never hear what I am saying. Teens are a lot, but they are also funny, occasionally kind, opinionated and can cook their own dinner (and mine too). Tess does not allow me to do her laundry (because according to her I will do it wrong) and I’m happy to oblige. If only I could convince her that I also do the dishes wrong.

Shaun is settling in to running the lab. His blood pressure is less fond of leadership. One thing that has been fun to witness is his work to build his team at work. An engineer hates nothing more than an icebreaker or forced fun, but he has managed to lead a team with interest, compassion and a few Lego contents. He barely made it through this World Cup. He not only took off work multiple times to watch games but then he proceeded to listen to podcasts (yes plural) about the games and then REWATCH some games in their entirety. I’m all for supporting the USA and Tim Ream’s hair (especially when I get to do this with a basket of wings nearby) but….I’m secretly glad it is over so we can go back to watching cooking shows on Netflix. Shaun has spent less time making things in the garage but plenty of time dealing with our house. Everything is breaking. We got a loan and fixed our foundation, replaced some major appliances and just yesterday got a quote for our roof. I suppose it is a good reminder that a home and marriage both require some upkeep and investment. I couldn’t think of a better person to invest with and in.

I’ve covered more classes in the last school year than I have since I left the classroom. Each time it has been a reminder of what is most important (hint it isn’t days packed with meetings) and that subs are the real MVPs. I’m glad for so much of my life to be back in person and less on Zoom. That being said, I occasionally miss the ability to mute others (and myself). The biggest change in my life this year was a focus back on writing. In other words, I learned a whole lot about grammar and rejection. The dream is to write a book, but turns out that takes one of two things: money and followers. Neither of which I have the thousands required. Instead I chose to take online workshops, work with a coach, and submit. I hit several goals and I’ve had my work published online several places this year and in print. A few times I’ve even been paid for it. I spoke at a writing conference and one of my favorite authors (Kelly Corrigan) even read one of my essays on her podcast. I think my writing has improved, but there is still a long way to go (and thank God for editors). Last year I focused on learning and creating some consistent habits. One habit was publishing a monthly-ish newsletter –and signing up for my email list is an easy way to support my writing (shameless plug – sign up here). Maybe I should have also focused on building a platform and improving my spelling. There is nothing more petrifying and rewarding than pursuing a dream. It feels good to do the thing. It is also scary as hell. And in case you were wondering, creative work is expensive, time consuming and mostly a lot of putting yourself out there and hoping people won’t hate it. I’m not creative enough to make up things or invent a story. I only know how to tell my own, which means I’ve had to get really clear on what I want my story to be and honest about what it has been so far. Maybe that is the hardest work.

I started this letter by telling you how this year has been better than the last ..that I’m starting to trust in hope again. However, I’m well aware that this is not everyone’s experience. Just in the last few weeks a good friend buried her son and another has had to make impossible decisions about hers'. My church had a trying year of votes and disaffiliation. Church felt confusing, but Jesus never did. I read this the other day and feel like it is a good way to prepare for Christmas and look ahead regardless of how 2022 landed for you. Abby Ball reminds us in her book Contemplating Christmas that the Christmas story makes room for sorrow alongside joy.

“Elizabeth suffered through infertility. Joseph thought his fiance had cheated on him. The toddlers of Bethlehem were murdered by an evil tyrant. These parts of the narrative are not missed out or glossed over. They are right there in the mix with all the angelic songs and celebrations….In Advent there is room for sorrow as well as celebration, despair alongside joy. Authentic hope doesn’t speak in platitudes or offer any easy answers. It doesn’t promise that everything will work out the way you want it to. Instead, it acknowledges the truth that life might sometimes be difficult, disappointing and painful. It looks reality in the face and still makes room for what might yet be possible.” (p. 13-14).

In other words, my "real" Christmas letter has more in common with the gospels than I thought (but with cleaner language). I don’t know what 2022 held for you, if it was full of joy or sorrow. For most of us I suspect it was a mix of both. Either way we can hold on to hope, we can hold on to what might yet be possible in the next year, next week, or next decade.