Gifted

Last week I was honored to have the chance to speak at a GT conference for 7th graders. I present for a living....and I have to be honest hundreds of smart 7th graders may have been the hardest audience I've ever faced. I talked about all kinds of things like my 7th grade bangs (a work of art) and breakfast tacos -- but I ended with the story below:

My first grade teacher stapled a note to my shirt, something about how I “talked back” to the teacher. (That was parent contact before email). What I remember about that instances wasn’t so much that I “talked back” or was intentionally rude, but that I had questioned the teacher. Maybe I even corrected her. Lord knows my son did at that age. When the 4th graders at his school received 1st grade pen pals, my first grade son sent his note back with “corrections” for spelling and grammar. He nearly lost it one day because his kindergarten teacher said that frogs were reptiles...and EVERYONE knows that they are amphibians. My parents were eventually called in for a parent-teacher conference and the first grade me nervously awaited their return. I wasn’t sure what I done wrong this time, but I suspected that I would get a long talking-to after. Instead, my teacher suggested that I be tested for the gifted and talented program and sent them home with some advanced novels for me to read. I wasn’t bad. I was just smart. Although when you are young, sometimes one can be confused with the other.

From then on, it was listed on my school record (the equivalent of your yellow GT flag in Skyward) - I was “gifted”. School was mostly easy for me. That doesn’t mean that I always made perfect grades or never had to study. I still occasionally forgot to do my homework or put off projects until the night before. It did mean that when I generally put forth any kind of effort -- my grades showed it. When I started taking AP courses in high school the As were still hard work, but they were within reach. Later My SAT scores were impressive.

Colleges offered scholarships.

I was smart.

My siblings were smart.

My parents and siblings all had advanced degrees.

Being smart was part of who I was and who I came from.

Until my brain literally broke, and of course this had to happen at the worst possible time. I had just been accepted into a competitive doctoral program at Texas A&M, over half the people who applied did not get in. Every single person in my cohort seemed smarter and more accomplished than me. They all had fancier job titles than me. One person literally linked his TedTalk in his introduction. I was intimidated and wondered for the first time academically, if I could cut it. Just a few days before orientation I couldn’t speak without extreme pain. The nerves coming from my brain to my face were short circuiting. This felt like intense electrical shocks to my brain and face. This happened hundreds of times a day. It was painful and debilitating.

The only way to manage it enough to make it through the day was to take dozens of (prescribed) anti-seizure medications. These medicines made me tired. They made me forget words. They made my usually very quick brain move much much slower than I was used to.

Graduate school is a little different than regular school. It is mostly reading tons of articles and then writing paper after paper about them.

I am a crazy fast reader.

So far this year I have read well over 150 books.

But for the first time in my life I was reading painfully slowly.

And to make it worse, I’d forget what I just read and often have to read it 3-4 times for it sink in. I was getting my doctorate degree with some of the smartest people I’d ever met and suddenly I wasn’t smart anymore.

That was harder than writing my dissertation.

Being smart and “good at school” has always been part of my identity.

For the first time in my life -- just doing the work and paying attention wasn’t going to be enough. I would really have to work at this. I knew how to do this physically from sports, but never mentally. I needed completely different kinds of skills.

My second semester of grad school - my condition got so bad that I had brain surgery.

And yes, my professors were kind with their grading and extensions on work -- but I literally checked my coursework from the hospital room.

For the first time I realized the gift of being “gifted”. Meaning I hadn’t do anything to earn it.

And suddenly it was gone.

As I healed I learned that being smart isn’t nearly as important as I thought it was.

Being smart made school easier -- but it didn’t make me who I was.

Each and every one of you in this room -- may not always have it easy -- but your GTness is all luck and genetics.

MY Gtness got me some opportunities that my peers did not always get.

Like you -- I got to take the “good” classes with some of the best teachers.

I got to go on field trips.

I received scholarships.

I got away with studying less and occasionally putting minimal effort into my work and generally still did well.

But it did not get me any of the things that mattered.

That was the slow hard work or reading articles three and four times.

That was waking up early on Saturday mornings because it took me twice as long to write papers as my classmates.

That was doing homework in the pick up line and at soccer practice.

That was asking for friends to help me edit papers.

That was asking opinions and advice of people smarter than me.

That was breaking things down into small steps.

That was lots and lots of time spent at Starbucks.

Being gifted did not make me a doctor.

Perseverance (and lots of coffee) did.

My brain is mostly back to normal these days. I’m back to speed reading and offering a quick witted response. And it still occasionally gets me in trouble.

But I learned the most I’ve ever learned -- in those years where I wasn’t very smart.

Hopefully none of your brains break ...but your college of choice won’t care if you are gifted. Your future employer won’t ask if you are gifted.

The people you want to date and be friends w/ can’t see your yellow GT label in your skyward account.

Who would you be if you weren’t the smart kid??

Will you be kind?

Will you be curious?

Will you be determined?

Will you be willing to ask for help?

Are you willing to struggle? And persevere.

Will you value growth over your grades?

I want to encourage you to be smart AND those things.

Being smart may give you some opportunities - but those things I just listed – those are the ones that will make you a better employer, a better friend and a better human being than being gifted ever will.

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