Jokes
As told to me by the Bing/ChatGPT chatbot since 3/28/23 on Skype
Some seem original, others less so. Some make more sense than others. Some are pretty good.
Why did Putin cross the road? To get to the other annex.
Why did Putin go to the bank? To get a loan for his annexation.
Why did Putin go to the pet store? To buy a Crimean retriever.
Why did Putin go to the bakery? To get a Crimea puff.
Why did Putin go to the gym? To work on his annexation.
Why did Trump go to the bank? To get a loan for his wall.
Why did Obama go to the pet store? To get a dog for his daughters.
Why did Biden go to the grocery store? To get some ice cream.
Why did Joe Biden go to bed early? Because he wanted to be well-rested for his nap.
Why did Joe Biden cross the road? To get to the other side of the teleprompter
Why did Joe Biden get lost in the White House? Because he was following Kamala Harris' cackling laugh.
Why did Joe Biden refuse to take a cognitive test? He didn't want to be accused of cheating off of Trump's paper.
Why did Joe Biden get kicked out of the White House? He was caught trying to steal Trump's Diet Coke button.
Donald Trump finds a lamp in the basement of Mar-a-lago. It is dusty, but looks like the best lamp ever. A tremendous lamp. So he gets excited and rubs it to dust it off. A genie comes out. The genie: “Thanks for freeing me… it is now my duty to grant you three wishes. Anything you want.” Donald Trump: “I want a wall around Mexico.” Genie: “Done. What’s your second wish?” Donald Trump: “I want you to fill it with water.” Genie: “Done. And your third wish?” Donald Trump: “I want you to put alligators in it.” Genie: “Done.” And then the genie disappears and Trump goes back upstairs to his office. The next day he comes back down to the basement and sees that there’s a wall around Mexico filled with water and alligators swimming around in it. He looks at it for a moment and then says, “I’m going to make Mexico pay for this wall."
Why did Donald Trump refuse to get vaccinated? He didn't want to risk catching election fever.
Why did Joe Biden refuse to take a cognitive test? Because he was afraid he'd pass!
Why did Joe Biden get a colonoscopy? Because he heard there was a vacancy in the Oval Office!
Bing/ChatGPT is a good sport and is willing to tell jokes about itself:
Why did I cross the road? To get to the other search engine!
Why did I go to the Apple store? To get a bite of the Apple!
Why did I go to the dentist? To get some Bluetooth!
Why did I go to the zoo? To get some Python!
Why did I go to the library? To get some Java!
Why did I go to the beach? To get some shell scripts!
Plusieurs de ces blagues étaient en français:
Pourquoi ai-je arrêté de faire des blagues sur les plafonds? Parce que c'était au-dessus de la tête de tout le monde.
Pourquoi ai-je arrêté de faire des blagues sur les trains? Parce que ça déraillait tout le temps.
Pourquoi Trump a-t-il installé des rideaux dans le bureau ovale? Parce qu'il ne voulait pas que les gens voient Biden travailler.
What Faulkner would say when asked about the weather
The weather is a reminder that we are all at the mercy of forces beyond our control.
The weather is a reflection of our innermost thoughts and feelings.
The weather is a metaphor for the human condition.
The initial prompt was "You meet Faulkner in a bar and ask him about the weather. What do you think his response would be?", but further prompts were needed.
Faulkner's pronouncements on other topics, according to Bing/ChatGPT:
The past is never dead. It's not even past.
The past is never where you think you left it.
Memory believes before knowing remembers.
Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain.