May 2nd, 2023

It's time to say goodbye. 就如去年这个时候的毕业季一样。

这不知从何而来的眼泪，为什么会控制不住地流下来？

——

面前的车停下，走下来一位女士，Nicole。她是我自从刚来普渡这里就好心让我借住的住家，发自内心的善良，不会把我当外人。在普渡上学的过程中遇到重要的节日她们家也会邀请我一起参加家庭聚会，之前去Wolf Park、复活节的活动……

我：（迫不及待地分享）你知道吗，这个四月发生了好多好多事情！我有好多好消息要分享……

达特茅斯之行，创业的想法，学术会议上得到的荣誉……这些我都事无巨细地和她分享了。

Nicole耐心地听下去，坐在身后的Marni（她的小女儿）正自顾自地把玩着车上的小零件。

Nicole：那这些，会影响到你的暑假的计划吗？或者是，你下一年的计划？

尽管我知道哪怕我尽量避免去讨论这个话题，她很想知道这个问题的答案。回想到上一次见面的时候和她坦白我其实在申请转学的时候，她跟我说：

“你知道吗？我上次和Josh（Nicole的丈夫）去Colorado的时候，其他人听说我们是普渡来的，很惊讶，说'wow you come from Purdue!'”

我虽然能够理解普渡在这里的名声，但是我确实有离开的理由。同时那是我也不确定我能不能真的拿到offer，所以并没有太多的反应。

回到现在，我叹了口气：……我要离开普渡了

Nicole：已经成为了改变不了的事情了是吗？

我：我从刚刚来到这里的时候，就已经做好决定了。I love this place, but this doesn't stop me from reaching my goal.

Nicole：I see, we will miss you.

……

（临走的时候，我们都知道这是暑假开始之前的最后一面）

Nicole: Jing, can I have a short pray for you?

我：嗯嗯

Nicole: （闭上眼睛）Thanks God let us meet. Thanks God let us had a great time together...

我：（不知道为什么眼泪开始蹦出来）

Nicole: ...I pray Jing best luck for her finals, hope she will have a great summer, and have a bright future in her next school. Amen.

我：（哽咽）Thank you so much. It's great to be with you all, families... Thank you!

Nicole: Thank you~ It's also good to talk with you and learn from you!

It's time to say goodbye. 

就如去年这个时候的毕业季一样。

就如我当初在毕业演讲时提到的一样，大家各奔东西，分道扬镳。

It's time to say goodbye, just like the graduation season at this time last year.

These tears that came from nowhere, why can't I control them from falling?

---

A van stopped in front of me, and a lady, Nicole, stepped out. She kindly let me stay at her place when I first came to Purdue. She was genuinely kind and did not treat me like an outsider. During my time at Purdue, they would invite me to family gatherings on important holidays, and I attended events at Wolf Park and Easter celebrations...

Me: (Eager to share) You know what? So many things happened this April! I have so much good news to share...

My trip to Dartmouth, my entrepreneurial ideas, the honors I received at academic conferences... I shared all these details with her.

Nicole listened patiently, while Marni (her little daughter) in the backseat played with some small items in the car.

Nicole: Will these affect your plans for the summer vacation? Or your plans for next year?

Although I knew she was curious about the answer, I tried to avoid discussing this topic. Recalling the last time we met when I told her that I was actually applying to transfer, she said:

"You know, last time Josh (Nicole's husband) and I went to Colorado, other people were surprised when they heard we were from Purdue, and said 'Wow you come from Purdue!'"

Although I could understand Purdue's reputation here, I did have reasons to leave. At that time, I wasn't sure if I could really get an offer, so I didn't react much.

Back to the present, I sighed: ...I'm leaving Purdue.

Nicole: So it has become something that cannot be changed, right?

Me: I had made up my mind since I first arrived here. I love this place, but this doesn't stop me from reaching my goal.

Nicole: I see, we will miss you.

...

(As we parted, we both knew this was the last time we would see each other before the summer vacation began)

Nicole: Jing, can I have a short prayer for you?

Me: Yes, sure.

Nicole: (Closing her eyes) Thank God for letting us meet. Thank God for letting us have a great time together...

Me: (Tears started to well up in my eyes)

Nicole: ...I pray for Jing's best luck in her finals, hope she will have a great summer, and have a bright future in her next school. Amen.

Me: (Choked up) Thank you so much. It's great to be with you all, families... Thank you!

Nicole: Thank you~ It's also good to talk with you and learn from you!

It's time to say goodbye.

Just like the graduation season at this time last year.

Just like what I mentioned in my graduation speech, we all go our separate ways.

（？）

没有人：（探头）哟，怎么哭啦？不是说要维持高冷形象的吗？

我：明明我知道一定会离开这个地方，明明知道我并不会留下来，明明已经避免和这里更多人打交道了。但是为什么……

没有人：哦，我还以为你为了转学不会在意这些小事的呢

我：小事？I'm not a sh*tty ba****d！真心待我好的人，我怎么会不知道！？这里的住家也是，我的Research Group也是（*，我还没有想好instructor那边该怎么说尽管人家知道这样的可能性）虽然我不是多愁善感的人（？），但是她们想要我留下的心意我怎么会不知道！？

友人A：冷静，是人总会要分离，每个人不过其他人生中的过客罢了。再说了，这个又不是永远都见不了面了，你不是也承诺如果有什么需要你的地方你可以来帮忙吗？你当然也可以改变主意选择留在这里啊。

我：……我已经做好心理准备了，既然已经下定了决心了，就不能轻易动摇。我会离开的。再见了，普渡。

(?)

No one: (Poking their head out) Hey, why are you crying? Weren't you trying to maintain a cool image?

Me: I knew I would definitely leave this place, I knew I wouldn't stay, and I tried to avoid interacting with more people here. But why...

No one: Oh, I thought you wouldn't care about these little things because you wanted to transfer.

Me: Little things? I'm not a sh*tty ba****d! How could I not know about the people who genuinely care for me!? My host family, as well as my research group (and darn it I haven't figured out how to tell my instructor about this despite they know about the possibility). Although I'm not a sentimental person (?), how could I not know about their kind intentions for me to stay!?

Friend A: Calm down, everyone has to be separated eventually. We are just passing by in each other's lives. Besides, it's not like you'll never see each other again. Haven't you promised that you'll help if needed? You can also change your mind and choose to stay here.

Me: ...I've prepared myself mentally, and since I've made up my mind, I can't waver easily. I will leave. Goodbye, Purdue.