2023 April 5th

七年级开始的时候就想写小说了，笔名在那个时候就想好了

每一次都是拖延结果到最后突然就有了新的想法，又因为自己要忙别的事情，结果到了高中毕业了连一个像样的东西都没有出来

（其实最大放弃的原因是写感情线）

【写书】/【写小说】便沉积在我的long-term todo list的最底下

然而不行啊，拖下去不是办法，毕竟不同年龄段看到的东西和想法是不一样的

我必须现在开始写

不会写爱情线，那就不写。

回想起刚开始萌生写小说想法的时候，

那个时候的自己还真的是天真，想到的都是大爽文才会有的设定：

主角一路升级，谁拦打谁

就是龙傲天，就是无敌，从来不会经历挫折

尝试定一个核心思路，但是又希望自己的孩子（主角）有着至高无上的追求

……

是天真吗？不清楚，但这一定能反映那时候的我：想要变得很强、莫欺少年穷，得到其他人的称赞却透露着无知和迷茫

现在看来，这不一定是坏事

我决定用大女主，写成长

写着写着，变成了双女主

再写着写着，两把刀架在了两位女主的脖子上

再写着写着，几把刀又捅在了其他的角色身上

再写着写着，……

咳咳，不知道从什么时候开始，我认为刀子是必不可少的东西

什么叫做：

「自古深情留不住，

唯有刀子得人心。」

或许只有经历了挫折和刻骨铭心，才会换来真正的成长吧（笑）

写角色设定和平生经历的时候，ta这一生一定会有或多或少的遗憾

如果ta的名字留在这个世界上，那么世人只会知道ta的名声：

要么青史名留，随着时间的流逝被神化

要么遗臭万年，无论当年的真相

越是尝试去刻画一个角色，我越是佩服金庸先生

从语言描写，到角色形象，越是尝试去理解，我越能感受到自己文学的浅薄

好了，不立太多flag了，大纲还没有完成呢（预计完成会超过2w字）

完成之前不考虑投稿，更不考虑公布自己写的内容和题材，如果你在未来的某个时刻看到小说上面写着这段话，这大概就是我写的某个篇章的后记：

“不是所有的故事都是圆满的结局”

“结果是交给世人的答卷，只有当局者知道书写的过程”

Since the beginning of seventh grade, I've wanted to write a novel and had already thought of a pen name.

Each time I procrastinated, I suddenly came up with new ideas but got too busy with other things. As a result, by the time I graduated from high school, I hadn't produced anything substantial (the biggest reason for giving up was writing the emotional storyline). Writing a book/novel sank to the bottom of my long-term to-do list.

However, this can't go on; different age groups see things and have different ideas. I must start writing now. If I can't write about love, then I won't.

Recalling when I first thought of writing a novel, I was naive, considering settings only found in enjoyable reads: the protagonist leveling up and defeating anyone in the way, being invincible and never experiencing setbacks. I tried to establish a core idea but wanted my child (the protagonist) to have the highest aspirations.

Is it naive? I'm not sure, but it reflects my desire to become strong, earn others' praise, and reveal my ignorance and confusion.

Now, it might not necessarily be a bad thing. I decided to write about a strong female protagonist's growth. While writing, it became a story of two female protagonists. As I continued writing, knives were held against both protagonists' throats. Then more knives were stabbed into other characters, and so on.

Cough, I don't know when, but I began to think that "knives" are indispensable. What is:

"Deep love can't be kept,

only a knife can win one's heart."

Perhaps only after experiencing setbacks and unforgettable pain can one truly grow (laughs).

When writing a character's background and life experiences, they will have regrets, big or small. If their name remains in the world, people will only know their reputation: either immortalized in history and deified over time or vilified for eternity, regardless of the truth back then.

The more I try to portray a character, the more I admire Mr. Jin Yong. From linguistic descriptions to character images, the more I try to understand, the more I realize the shallowness of my literature.

Alright, I won't set too many flags; the outline isn't even finished yet (expected to exceed 20,000 words). I won't consider submitting or disclosing my content and themes before it's done. If you see this passage in a novel someday, it's probably the afterword of one of my chapters:

"Not all stories have happy endings."

"The outcome is the answer given to the world, only those involved know the process of writing."