Embedded Files
Crumbled Pieces Never Told.
Crumbled Pieces Never Told.
by Rhyah Austrie Reyes
It was in mid-summer break, the year 2018 when someone knocked onto my life like an ethereal piece of warmth humbly forging me through his humorous jokes that made my heart feel that it is dancing on the sea of clouds.
Looking Back
Originally, residing in Radar is not my family's thing back from 2013 to 2015, and treat our property as some sort of an unwinding area only after a hectic week where it felt like home.
Little did I know that the 10-year old Rhyah will have a chance to meet a cool and kind boy named Ian, as she wandered the streets of Radar at 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon— the time when kids used to play outside.
Ian was always caught by my peripheral vision, as he held my lifeless frame sighting on me with a wide-eyed gaze as I do. Having a crush is normal but I never expected that all of a sudden, I would not be able to see him for days, that became weeks, to months, and to years.
Tracing Forward
As we catch up through Facebook Messenger the time we were interested in how's our life going— I knew that we were both aware that we have in-tacked childhood memories together back from 2013 to 2015. That catch-up has become the center point of our mutual relationship as you confessed to me at an unexpected time that you like me.
Truly, it has been a teenage word connotated by the society, that when both like each other, it's called 'mutual understanding' type of relationship or the 'Walang Label' as they call it in Filipino term.
May this be coined as puppy love, I knew that we were serious about our intentions for each other.
Blissful Memories
Even though we were both in the same neighborhood, it turned out to be that we're not studying in the same school that is why we barely see each other and consider it lucky when we do.
There were times that Ian initiated to wake up at around 4:00 AM, messaged me if he can fetch me up at the gate of the compound where I live at around 6:00 in the morning even if his school shift starts at 7:00 AM.
Wind in my hair while my cheeks turning red as the breeze in the morning when the air was cold broke my skin and bones as I see him with a wide smile and awkward memento while we were walking together with the feels that we’re dancin’ in the kitchen in the refrigerator light as you waited for me to ride the tricycle in traveling to San Isidro National High School.
Other than that, there were also times that we will be in shocked as we get to see each other unintentionally in the neighborhood 'cause we have some errands to do.
Days after days, weeks after weeks, became almost 3 years of being mutually connected that were considered memorable ones.
Bumpy Roads
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place walking down the stairs like a never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on him wherein the times we were still together time won’t fly like I’m paralyzed by it.
I suddenly felt that he has become like a 'ghost' where he will disappear for a few weeks and suddenly be there saying 'I miss you and there was me, saying 'I miss you too' showing how I appreciate as I truly like him and disappear again repeatedly making me like I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying while silently speaking ‘I might be OK but I’m not fine at all.’ Tumbling down this situation.
…And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, after the ghosting phases, I strictly felt like there was something cold that a twin flame bruises paint you blue in the relationship where ‘fuck the patriarchy’ that I cannot contain but to let go anymore as I don't feel a presence in those bumpy times before our relationship ended.
Art of Letting Go
I walk home alone, as I was the one who initiated the letting go phase last July 2020 when he ghosted me for about a month that time and I cannot hold on to the fact that I liked him and he was not reciprocating with what my heart occupies.
After letting go of him, I cried, thinking that 'they say all’s well that ends well, but I’m in a new Hell’ how it became hard to be sentimental and hold on to memories when a person became significant.
Months after, I realized that “I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age” as I certainly had the chance to move on from that past mutual relationship.
Last April 2021— Ian and I, had a catch-up and this was the time I realized that I have moved on already from liking him. I know it’s long gone and that magic’s not here no more where I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.
That closure ended well as he apologized for what he did, however, last July 2021, the day when I was in the online contest for research in the division of Antipolo, I have seen a friend request with his name on my Facebook profile. I messaged him right away if that was intentional and he said yes because my Facebook Profile is on set as locked. Clarifying things through online messages, he just wanted to have someone who can talk to him.
That quick catch-up together stopped by around the end of July as he disappeared again to what I expected.
Someone's Company
Sipping coffee beneath the silence of my room while setting up my earphones on the 12th of November 2021 while tuning in the YouTube Premium has made it in the mood that I am feeling heartbroken with Taylor's past as well as mine.
While I listened to the song, I remember it all too well on the nights when you made me your own on memories that made me feel like a person inside All Too Well in portrayal.
Bringing back the time I walked through the door with you— running scared ‘cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. But at the end of the day, you’ve still got it as it is us within ourselves that need to conquer the droughts and changes we've been facing through.
From a sacred prayer, may you be well with a scarf that will give you comfort and not avoidance.
~love, rhyah.
All Too Well 10-minute version by Taylor Swift | Imagery and Diction.
Google Sites
Report abuse