How Words Distort Reality
How Words Distort Reality
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When the wording is softened,
the act is softened.
That is how reality gets rewritten.
Common Phrases That Distort Reality
Phrase Used
“How many times did you have sex with your father?”
What’s wrong with it
It implies participation.
It frames the act as mutual.
It shifts responsibility away from the person who committed it.
Say it correctly
“How many times did your father sexually abuse you?”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“They were in a relationship”
What’s wrong with it
It suggests consent.
It suggests equality.
It removes the imbalance.
Say it correctly
“He was abusing her” or “He was sexually abusing her”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“An inappropriate relationship”
What’s wrong with it
It minimizes the act.
It makes it sound like a social mistake instead of abuse.
It softens the seriousness.
Say it correctly
“Sexual abuse” or “Ongoing sexual abuse”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“She was involved with…”
What’s wrong with it
It implies participation.
It suggests choice.
It shifts the wording away from harm.
Say it correctly
“She was being abused by…”
He is not “my” anything.
He is a person who committed the act.
Phrase Used
“She didn’t say no”
What’s wrong with it
It shifts responsibility onto the victim.
It treats silence as consent.
It ignores fear, coercion, and power imbalance.
Say it correctly
“She did not consent”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“He made a mistake”
What’s wrong with it
It minimizes the act.
It frames a deliberate action as accidental.
It reduces responsibility.
Say it correctly
“He made a choice” or “He committed the act”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“They hooked up”
What’s wrong with it
It suggests mutual participation.
It avoids naming the act.
It removes responsibility.
Say it correctly
“He assaulted her” or “He raped her”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“She was underage”
What’s wrong with it
It focuses on her age instead of his actions.
It softens the responsibility of the adult.
It removes the act from the sentence.
Say it correctly
“He sexually abused a minor”
_________________________
Words assign responsibility.
If the wording is wrong, the meaning is wrong.
Phrase Used
“He had sex with a minor”
What’s wrong with it
It frames the act as mutual.
It removes the imbalance.
It avoids naming abuse.
Say it correctly
“He sexually abused a minor”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“It was consensual”
What’s wrong with it
It ignores power imbalance.
It assumes equal capacity to consent.
It shuts down questioning of coercion.
Say it correctly
“Consent was not possible in that situation” or “There was a power imbalance”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“She stayed”
What’s wrong with it
It implies choice.
It ignores control, fear, and dependency.
It shifts blame.
Say it correctly
“She was not able to leave”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“He lost control”
What’s wrong with it
It removes responsibility.
It frames the act as uncontrollable.
It excuses the behavior.
Say it correctly
“He chose to act”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“It went too far”
What’s wrong with it
It minimizes the act.
It avoids naming what happened.
It softens responsibility.
Say it correctly
“He assaulted her” or “He raped her”
_________________________
Phrase Used
“She led him on”
What’s wrong with it
It shifts blame.
It implies responsibility for his actions.
It excuses the act.
Say it correctly
“He chose to act”
_________________________
NOTE: The use of “he” or “him” does not exclude the feminine.
If this shifted how you see things, here’s where to go next:
To see how these patterns play out in real life and behavior:
→ The Sweet Comfort of SurvivalTo begin putting your own experience into clear, written form:
→ Righting the WritingIf you’re ready to shape a full manuscript or complete your story:
→ Memoir & Manuscript Editing
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