3 AM to 3PM
Saturday, October 5, 2024
Steam
2 Hour Play Session
This is an interactive game, where the goal is to erase to understand the story. That story is of a young adult Kaiso, a trans woman coming back to her small Irish community and family and trying to figure out where she stands, who she is, and dealing with rejection, intimacy, loss, etc. It's a very visually compelling story that tells not only Kaiso but Cassiopeia, an astronaut out in space who comes across an anomaly that could and might tear reality apart- but perhaps these two stories are not so separated.
One of the first parts of the game is that you get to 'write' in a diary of sorts, telling little snippets of a story about each of the characters we eventually come across later, at first its a bit confusing, but after playing through the game you can go back to these diary entrees- and you come to understand what they actual mean the second time around, I'm not sure if it is written from Kaiso's perspective or not.
A scene that seems to set off the story, is when Kaiso comes home and starts talking to her mom, or Mam, as she calls her. As the conversation goes on, you watch as Mam says things that are, rather hurtful, using terms that Kaiso no longer seems to associate with, the conversation begins to grow heated, and the two argue, and eventually, Kaiso runs out of the house into the rain. What's interesting is that the visual effects play into this highly emotional moment, the graphics growing static, and images multiplying, it drives home perhaps the emotional state Kaiso is in during that conversation. She runs to Colum, where she knows he stays with his boyfriend Jack in an old house, and this is where our other characters get introduced, the gang/band.
We also get to see the first part of our other story, Cassiopeia, who has found a strange anomaly, which we quickly learn is a black hole- she seems to be trying to get into contact with someone to send them the readings she gotten, finally she gets contact with someone called 'Control.'
We get to then see Shan, another member of the band that Colum and Jack are a part of, and we watch as Kaiso spends time with them, we see this through her journal entries and watch as she grows closer with them, but seems to be hiding away from her problems she's dealing with- for example, she receives a few letters from her Mam, and she seems to scribble them out- where the erasing part comes in to find out what was said.
We come to a scene where she and Shan set out to steal some stuff from her room, as she doesn't have any clean clothes, during this little heist her brother, Fergal finds her and starts to be, well a real meanie about things. He calls her a freak and seems to try and guilt-trip her every time he talks. Eventually, he does say something of note, that she can't keep running away- which is partly true, even as she and Shan make a run for it. She seems to grow closer to Shan.
Cassiopeia, after finding out about the black hole- decides to dive into it to get better readings, jumping forward, Control is trying to decipher what her meanings mean, and what this anomaly is. They soon find out that whatever this anomaly is, the destruction of earth is going to happen in about 14 days if they don't do something- so Cassiopeia sets out to keep jumping, trying to figure out what is wrong. She does make it out of the black hole alive, but time is of the essence to make it back to earth now to try and save it.
The band gets to play a gig and Kaiso seems to let herself run loose, dancing and letting herself go for a bit as she once again seems to ignore the problems she's struggling with- still trying to find herself in the sea of chaos, such is life. After the band plays, there's a party back at the house the gang stays at, and in this, we get to watch Shan confess his feelings in a way that, might not have been the best and a little pushy- as Kaiso freaks out and runs away, once again.
After that, Shan leaves the band and Jack and Colum are upset- Maggy, Colum's aunt, takes them in due to the fact they could no longer stay in the big house because the police wanted them out and it was crumbling. (We love Auntie Maggy, and we will protect her.) Christmas was right around the corner, and Kaiso celebrated some of Christmas with Jack, Colum, and Maggy. But she notes it doesn't feel like Christmas; she had received a letter from her Mam, and then she decided she would stop mulling it over and just go over to her house. Fergal was there, and they all started eating together, Fergal saying some confrontational stuff and Mam not really stopping him, leaving Kaiso to become more upset, trying to show that she wants them in her life, but their words hurt her- so she ran to get some air, and that air was in the big house.
We also see that Control; was McHugh or Mac for short as he tells Cassiopeia, who finally lands on Earth and is waiting for Mac to show up. The two meet and it turns out Mac is not from NASA but an accountant who's a big nerd, but he knows where the anomaly is and so the two set out to find it- ending up at none other than Kaiso's home, with her Mam looking at one of her old drawings it seems. (Mac says something that might allude to the fact maybe he's Fergal. . .?)
Kaiso stays in the house, and then she sees Shan stop by, she doesn't go out the first time- but the next time she watches him approach the beach and decides to go see him, she seems to try and make up, but Shan has taken a more pessimistic approach to things now- sounding rather bitter. The conversation doesn't necessarily go well and Kaiso ends up staying in the house, getting colder, and hungrier. We can see that several days pass and Kaiso is very unwell.
The black hole seems to grow, and in a sense, it's almost like the black hole represents Kaiso's mental state and perhaps even physical state, her body deteriorating and her mind just slowly crumbling as she just appears to push everyone away as she isolates herself- but eventually, her Mam finds her, on the verge of death I might say, and she called Kaiso, by her name: Kaiso.
(The gang watching a show together in the Big House)
(Fergal finding Kaiso and Shan)
(Cassiopeia during one of the time jumping sequences?)
(The final scene, everyone together and HAPPY)
(Kaiso jamming)
(One of the first pages in the journal)
If Found is a very compelling visual interactive story that is told not only through scenery, and colors but also music and visual effects that emphasize the emotions and ideas that they are trying to communicate. You watch a trans woman go through the struggles of finding herself in a community and perhaps a world that isn't sure how to accept her or how to interact with her, its also a story of family, not just the one you're born into, but the ones you find throughout life.
One of the things that stood out to me in If Found, was the usage of color and how that impacted my emotions and understanding of what was happening, the visual effects and music choice in this game are perfect, they use certain color schemes, such as dark colors to invoke that understanding of sadness, perhaps darkness, etc. And lightly colored to emphasize the feelings of happiness and joy, or even excitement. In the scene when Shan confesses to Kaiso that he likes her, we watch the screen slowly grow static and chaotic, as Shan starts to become static and Kaiso is surrounded by an almost angry red- a way that the game communicates her possible fear, confusion, and maybe even anger, as if maybe she's upset at herself? At Shan? Not much is clear, but it still communicates the feelings effectively; that she isn't ready for that sort of thing, or if she even wants to be in a relationship. Kaiso consistently seems to be running away from her problems, or ignoring them, and in the way it's like she's pushing a part of herself away- she knows she is a woman, but she seems to struggle to connect with others because of her 'difference', probably making it hard to find herself a place in communities and even in her own family. Her family seems to not understand at all, even going as far as to ignore the fact that she wants to go by a specific name that represents her identity, but her family seems to cling to her old one, her Mam even going as far as to call her 'son' in the first letter she writes to Kaiso after she runs away. Fergal is another factor in this disconnect she seems to struggle with her family, calling her a freak, guilt-tripping her, and even harassing her a bit about her choices. At the Christmas meal she has with her family, we see things boil over as she admits that she wants them in her life but they make it rather difficult to include them because they just don't seem to understand and don't seem to be trying too (Mam seems to lead up to this in the last letter she writes to be trying, to some extent.) This leads Kaiso to run away to the Big House, where she tries to reconcile with Shan but he seems too bitter to try in return, plus, it seems Kaiso is still not in a good place to be trying to deal with that, as she gets very sick and even thinks she might die in that house.
But, while she might feel like she has no one, and has pushed everyone away- Colum, Maggy, and Jack search for her, and eventually her Mam does find her, and calls Kaiso by her name, her chosen name. Showing that her Mam is trying to grow and that maybe there can still be that connection she so desperately wanted with her family. And not just her blood family, but her chosen family, the gang. We see throughout the game that the gang is there for her and is like another family for her, Maggy even acting somewhat motherly towards her in some instances. Not all families are the ones you are born into, but the ones you find along the way. And we see that people can change and grow, as her Mam does come around and finally sees Kaiso, her daughter.
I also really like how the sci-fi part of this seems to tie into everything, that maybe this black hole could be symbolic of Kaiso's growing anxiety and inner turmoil, and that the anomaly being her or her mother, the possible correlation to these feelings and emotions, and that when Kaiso's mom found her and hugged her and called her by Kaiso, that the black hole and the impending doom seemed to fade.
This game was beautiful and very emotional, and I could feel the emotions through the screen. I could relate to Kaisos struggle with connection and finding one's identity, as I also struggle with my identity, in some forms I know who I am, like how Kaiso knows she is a woman, but in others, I'm not so sure, like who she seems to still feel ostracized even with the gang. I could relate to the struggle to connect with her family, and while I would like to think I have a good relationship with my mom, I know that we do have differences and that sometimes they can get in the way of connection. Kaiso's story is a compelling one, the visual effects help tell this story, not just through the dialogue.
Some questions I had throughout playing:
We see that the gang is faced with ridicule from the people in their small town, does being in a smaller-knit community make it harder to be oneself?
How often do we come face to face with an identity that we don't understand? Why can it be hard sometimes to take that time to understand it?
Does previous understandings of identities affect how you would view them now if you come across them?
How often do we run away from our problems? In hopes that just maybe they'll disappear?
If my problem was a big black hole in space, would I let it consume me or would I try and fix it?
Why do people find it so easy to ignore someone's identity? Is it due to a lack of understanding?
If we take the time to understand someone and their identity, how many people would be saved from their darkness? From other's darkness?