Taking a deep dive into confusing terminology. Warning: may result in upset English teachers.

IS WATER LAVA?

The term lava can be defined as “molten rock” (Merriam Webster). Does water have a rock form? Is ice a rock? Yes, a rock is any naturally occurring solid mass, as defined by geologists. Ice naturally occurs in the form of glaciers, which can be defined as a "mono-mineral rock". Mono-mineral rocks are made up of a single material, such as limestone, which is made out of calcite. Therefore, ice qualifies as a rock.

Well, what does molten mean? “Fused or liquified by heat” (Merriam Webster). Water is indeed the “liquified by heat” version of ice.

By those definitions, yes, water is indeed lava. It is the molten version of ice, a rock. And humans are lava monsters, as are many living things.

IS CEREAL A SOUP?

The answer to this burning question may seem obvious: technically yes, right? Many consider soup to be any liquid with solids mixed in. However, Merriam Webster classifies soup as any “liquid food” consisting of a stock or broth made by boiling meat, vegetables, or other foods as a base, which often contains other solid food. The main deal breaker is that cereal is not hot (if you eat your cereal warm, go outside and think about your actions).

BUT, IS THE OCEAN A SOUP?

Yes… sometimes. First off, the ocean meets the criteria of having a “broth” of sorts, made from meat and/or vegetables, as there is plenty of seafood of both the animate and inanimate variety. And while there are definitely parts of the ocean that are not warm enough to boil, there are places that reach fairly warm temperatures. For example, warmer waters are found deeper in the ocean, with temperatures reaching over 130 degrees Fahrenheit in the Red Sea at depths of 6,500 feet.

So yes, sometimes when the water is warm enough, the ocean is a soup.

IS TOMATO SOUP A SMOOTHIE?

Smoothies are classified as a beverage made from fruit blended with a liquid, usually milk or yogurt, or another dairy substitute (Merriam Webster). However, this definition is flawed, because it excludes vegetable smoothies, such as those that include spinach.

Nevertheless, it suffices for our present purposes. Tomato soup is made from tomatoes, a fruit, which are blended with an assortment of other ingredients, including cream, a dairy product, which is usually added near the end of the cooking process.

With a fruit blend mixed with a dairy base, tomato soup does indeed qualify as a smoothie.

IS KETCHUP A SMOOTHIE?

The definition is more blurred than that of tomato soup. But going back to the definition of smoothies, ketchup qualifies as a fruit blended with liquid. Ketchup is made mainly of tomatoes, vinegar, and an assortment of spices. It is comparable to adding fruits, lemon juice, and sugar to a smoothie (both contain a fruit, a liquid, and a spice). The makeup of ketchup definitely classifies it as a smoothie, despite the differences in texture.

IS A HOT POCKET A SANDWICH?

This debate is a deviation from the classic “is a hotdog a sandwich” debate (by the way, it is). A sandwich is defined as “two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling between,” (Merriam Webster). The key to classifying a Hot Pocket as a sandwich is in the bread. A Hot Pocket does not have two separate pieces of bread enveloping its filling, and the filling does not reside in the valley of a split roll. The filling of a Hot Pocket resides in a pouch, or pocket (who would’ve thought), like a package with bread on all sides. Therefore, by definition, a Hot Pocket cannot classify as a sandwich.

However, according to the Hot Pocket brand itself, the product is labeled as a sandwich. Google some pictures of the Hot Pocket boxes, and you will notice the fine print underneath the large logo, which reads “brand sandwiches.”

The company labels Hot Pockets as sandwiches, but by definition, they are not.

IS WATER WET?

Dude…..I genuinely do not know.