To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I first enrolled in in this subject. I knew we were going to talk about photography but wasn’t exactly sure how deep we were going to get. I thought it would be mostly technical (camera settings, composition rules, maybe some editing) and maybe post-processing (like i was hoping for) but I didn’t realize how much reflection and personal interpretation would be involved (and needed). Looking back at what I wrote in my self-introduction, I mentioned that I was excited but also a little nervous about sharing my work. I think that feeling hasn’t completely gone away at this point in time, but I’m slowly working through it Really working on posting more in our DFs).

The earlier parts of the course were honestly a mix of exciting and intimidating. I kept feeling like my photos weren’t “good enough,” even though I know we’re all here to learn and improve. That insecurity still hits sometimes. I found myself thinking if I was doing things “wrong” because I barely know how to shoot things manually. Fortunately, I was able to experiment during the first week of this month. And also looking at my coursemates' works, even though it might sound a bit twisted, actually helped me realize that most of us here are beginners and are still figuring things out. We're all first-timers in our own way, and we’re here to learn.

And then I got busy with work and undergone surgery 2 weeks ago which really burned all my free-time and mental energy to do some practice photography in the side. But as time went on, I started to think that photography can be about just personal expression and what I feel at that time, and it doesn't have to be forcing myself to do good.

I may or may not have also felt (pretty) bummed out about the first quiz we took. I didn’t get a high score and it honestly discouraged me for a while. I was hoping I’d do bette, but I’m trying to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world and there’s still room (and time) to do better in the next quiz of the course. Hopefully things go smoother moving forward.

Right now, I’d say I’m still in the process of figuring things out. I’ve been enjoying the Zoom sessions a lot. With my unfortunate quiz score and the analyzing we do in the meetings, I have more confidence now on how I should approach the next test. It’s also nice hearing different points of view. Even if I don’t always speak up during those discussions (hello, anxiety), I do feel like I’m absorbing a lot.

I’m still figuring out the game photography. I’ve thought about it and which game/s I’ll pick, but I’m still trying to build up the confidence to actually do it. It’s one thing to casually take screenshots while playing but knowing it’s part of an actual assignment makes me feel a little more pressured to deliver something “good.” I know it shouldn’t be that scary, but yeah, I’m working on it. Hopefully I can get over that mental block soon.

As for the F2F session, I’m still contemplating whether I’ll join. I'm still recovering from my surgery, so I’m taking things slow and trying to listen to my body. Also Laguna is pretty far away. But honestly, I’ve really been wanting to meet my classmates in person and of course our amazing prof.

I’m still piecing together ideas for the next possible assignments, the game photography, and photos I will share. Nothing super solid yet, but I have a few rough concepts. 

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I’m becoming more thinking more like a photographer... I’ll catch myself paying attention to light, shadows, textures… stuff I wouldn’t have cared about before. And also I'm a bit more tempted to use manual settings.

For now, my plan is to keep learning and experimenting and less shaky photos. I want to be more consistent with documenting my progress and reflections because I know it’s going to help when I start mapping out our possible final project.

I'm also planning on a spontaneous trip with a friend to go photo-walking or just take random street or scenery photos. Hopefully, that will help me gather some photos and experience that are much needed.

Overall, I’m nervous but hopeful. This course has already pushed me out of my comfort zone more than I expected, and while that’s scary, I know it’s helping me grow. I’m looking forward to possibly attending the F2F session (I'm from Pampanga so it's a bit far) and seeing how much more I can learn by the end of this class.