What a ride...

It sounds strange, but the moment I learned that we had the freedom to choose whatever project we wanted, I got scared. Because freedom also meant I had to face my own limits. What if my idea wasn’t possible? What if I reached a dead-end? I kept flipping my plans inside out, then back again, chasing an answer that didn’t quite appear. Freedom is the limit. It forces you to confront the edge of what you think you can do -- and then decide whether you’ll stop there, or push a little further.

By this time, I was still convincing myself that maybe it was just me setting it up wrong, but every test ended the same: no connection. By this point I've done my foley and voice recording as originally planned. In frustration, I decided to bypass this part and tried to do an acoustic recording instead. It happened, but the result was unpolished, and nothing like the texture I imagined and wanted. My noise killer is not that good. It was an ugly sound. Perhaps I underestimated how much I relied on that pedal for the project’s backbone.

Unfortunately, I felt stuck. My friends bore witness to how much this "ragebaited" me. All I had were half-baked guitar takes and foley recordings that didn’t match well together. I tried thinking of a different project, perhaps I could sing a Parokya ni Edgar song, perhaps an acapella. It was the kind of creative block where you don’t even want to open the DAW anymore. I realized I couldn’t keep forcing it.

I enjoyed doing this. Experimenting with the equalizers and radio preset were fun. And then halfway through, I realized why am I making a purposefully low-quality sound (like such of a vintage television with a bad transatlantic accent and old music). Yes I can show the clean version, but still it didn't feel good to be doing this project. So it had to be trashed. By this point my art block turned even worse. I had about 3 weeks left. 

Honestly... it depends. I came into this course with a defeated feeling, already downplaying myself. Categorizing myself in the "no absolute talent in audio production" box.

At one point... I failed to do my original plan. Perhaps this is a common experience for this subject. And also wishful thinking that maybe I could've made a song. ( after listening to my own singing... nvm)

But then, even if I had my fair share of problems, I was still relieved once I finished my project and it turned out into something decent.

50 google searches, 20 youtube tabs, and 30 reddit posts later...

In the end, the project taught me how to listen differently. I began to notice not just what I wanted to hear, but also what a listener might experience. What was too loud, too sharp, too drowned out. 

It reminded me that audio is not only just about stacking tracks. You learn about focus, restraint, and intention. My final piece may not be the cleanest or most polished compared to others, but it carries my own narrative, my experiments, and my persistence. And that, I think, is what made it a complete project for me. *cry*

On the course...

One of the strengths of MMS 172 was how hands-on it forced us to be. There was no way to “finesse” your way through without actually recording, editing, and mixing. You couldn't possibly have survived without knowing what the basic effects did on your output. The assignments built up from multitracking to the final project, and by the time I was on Assignment 3, I realized how much more comfortable I had gotten with Audacity and Waveform compared to Day 1.

Day 1 looked like: where are the buttons?!

That said, one weakness for me was the lack of accessible plugins in the default tools. Audacity, for example, doesn’t have a good de-esser out of the box. I had to resort to clunky EQ hacks, which ate up hours. I understand that part of the course is learning to make do with limited tools, but it sometimes felt like I was fighting the software instead of learning audio production itself. I also wish I had learned a better software on the get-go. But at this point I'm attached to my Audacity and Waveform. 

Still, I think that was also part of the lesson: resourcefulness.

On my coursemates...

Looking at the discussions and ePortfolios, I noticed how varied everyone’s projects turned out. Alot of people went the music route, some leaned heavily into acapella, and others created spoken-word pieces that felt deeply personal. It was interesting because even though we were all under the same constraints with the same tools, same deadlines but our outputs heavily reflected our personalities.

I want to shoutout Michael Ocampo for being very helpful with his discussion replies and on the MMS 172 community chats. I used a lot of his tips and responses. Thank you po (if you're reading this).

Then again, I don’t think mine was the cleanest or most technical project out there. Some of my classmates had way better control of instruments, plugins, and mixing. But I know I'm not alone. There are many of us who are complete beginners. I'm proud of us beginners who persevered until the end.

And for the experienced ones... keep it up. I'm inlove with the covers and original songs. Some of the singers here I already follow online and I'm glad they can show their talents in this class. It's a very mixed bunch of students.

So... how do I feel I performed?

Honestly, I’d give myself a passing grade atleast. 🙁 And not because I think my project is flawless, but because I pushed through and finished the blogs despite the setbacks. I could have easily abandoned it or submitted something bare minimum. I could have dropped out. But I chose to pivot and learn new techniques on the fly.

In the end, the project had the mood I wanted. Mixing could always be better, but I faced it, learned a workaround, and fixed it as best as I could. If I’m being honest, I’m relieved this course is done. It pushed me harder than I expected. Audio is unforgiving, I might say -- every breath, every hiss, every mistake shows up. But at the same time, audio is also forgiving, in the sense that with patience, you can cut, fade, crossfade, and shape it into something listenable.

Above all, having to face persistence, adaptability, and creativity were the best lessons. I started with one plan, fell into a spiral, and crawled my way back into a decent project I could be proud of atleast. 

As a BAMS student, I don’t necessarily see myself becoming a full-time or even a part-time audio producer. But I am sooooo thankful of this course. I even considered it as an "upskill" in my yearly accomplishments. I'm excited to do more audio projects for myself in the future. I honestly can't believe I survived this course.

Audio as a tool is something I will continue to use in future multimedia projects, creative works, or even personal storytelling. This course made me less afraid of DAWs, less intimidated by waveforms and plugins. I might not open Audacity every week after this, but when I do, I know I can actually build something from scratch.

Will I pursue better audio production? Of course not in a professional sense. But I know I came out of this course packed with more knowledge. Practical knowledge that I can apply. It's not every course you can say you've come out with useful skills, but here we are. The skills I learned here won’t just disappear.

Yup, I'll pack it up here. Til we meet again!