Growing up, I used to think friendships between girls were simple. You meet someone who likes the same music, laughs at the same jokes, shares a snack during lunch, and suddenly you are best friends. The older I get I realize girlhood is its own kind of education especially for African American young girls. Growing up as a black girl, friendships were survival, identity, and education all at once. It teaches you about love, loyalty, envy, softness, and forgiveness. Some of my earliest memories of friendship include playing jump rope during recess time, sharing lip gloss, passing notes in class, and begging our parents to have sleep overs every Friday after school. For Black girls especially, friendship is not just social; its emotional survival. .Research shows that black girls “form peer communities as safe spaces from racial and gendered pressures”. (Evans-Winters, 2019). When I was young it felt like girlhood was a place we could live in forever.
There was one friendship in particular that shaped me more than I understood at the time. From the first day of kindergarten all the way through my last day living in California, she was my person. The friend who didn’t need an invitation to show up. The friend whose family treated me like I lived there. We had those sleepovers where we stayed up late prank calling classmates, making dance routines, and planning our futures. We used to picture ourselves going to the same college, having matching dorm decor, being maid of honors in one another's wedding, and staying friends forever.
When I moved to Texas, everything changed faster than I could understand. She made new friends; while I started building a new life miles away. At first we tried to stay close as before, but the messages got shorter, the phone calls became less frequent, and small misunderstandings grew into long silences. Looking back, I can’t tell you the exact moment our friendship slipped away. It was not dramatic like a huge blow up but quiet, a slow fade. I did not know then that not all breakups are loud. Sometimes friendships end like the sun setting: slowly, almost gently, but still leaving you in the dark.
As an adult, I have realized that girlhood friendships don’t disappear, they transform. Especially within Black girlhood, friendships are deep rooted in shared experiences, culture, and emotional language.. Destiny Child is a perfect example for the blueprint of black friendships. Beyonce once said in an interview “We were stronger together than apart” (Knowles 2006). Watching their bond as a young girl showed me that Black girls shine brightest together. For generations Black girls have survived, healed, grown, within communities of other Black girls.That history shaped my understanding of friendship long before I even knew the word community.
Black girl friendships like most friendships are full of evolution. Some fade, some return years later, and some stay with you only through memory and lessons. You learn emotional intelligence while shaping your voice, confidence, your boundaries, and the way you love the people around you. Not only do you get to experience friendship you get lifelines, mirrors, classrooms, and a village.
Growing up taught me that friendships change but the wisdom you gain does not. Even the friendships that do not last forever taught me how to show up, listen, and how to love the people that truly see me. To me, that is the real inheritance of girlhood.
Work Cited
Evans-Winters, Venus. Black Feminism in Education. Routledge, 2019.
Knowles, Beyonce. "Interview with Oprah Winfrey." The Oprah Winfrey Show, 2006.
In this version, I focused on making my writing more specific and grounded in concrete details, especially in the memories from my childhood. I added two academic/cultural sources to support my ideas about Black girlhood. I also embedded quotes in a natural way that still sounds like my own voice. Finally, I worked on strengthening the flow, adding a meaningful title, and proofreading for clarity and grammar. This draft represents my clear and better understanding of girlhood and how friendships shape identity.
Kamille Cornelius is a student who values community, storytelling, and exploring the experiences that shape identity. She is passionate about writing that reflects culture, girlhood, and personal growth.