Maeva Lapierre

04/05/2021

Here I go again with my cross-analysis of professional translations. This time, it is the song “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” in Mulan (1998). However, this time there are two different versions in French, so enjoy the headache of following which is which, I did my best so that it is easy: the French-Canadian will be (QC), the French (FR) and the original (VO). It is colour-coded, feel free to follow in parallel with my manuscript notes!

The newly-made general Shang sings the first verse. The rhyme scheme goes ABAB, yet only the second and the fourth lines fit. There is an explicit duality between sons and daughters as Shang asks “Did they send me daughters/ When I asked for sons?” (VO). In the other versions, it goes more and more implicit. The French goes “M’ont-il donné leurs fils/ Je n’en vois pas un” whose textual translation is “Did they give me their sons, I can’t see one”(FR). The rhymes follow the ABAB scheme but is actually complete as the four lines are in pairs. The last version (QC) has no mention whatsoever of sons nor daughters: “Je ne veux pas d’écolières/ Pour defender nos terres”. The rhymes go ABBB, which means that the 3 last lines match but that the first one is randomly floating without any association.

The second verse starts with Shang insulting again his troops: “You’re the saddest bunch I ever met”. He insults them as a group but the rest of the paragraph is a message of hope as he claims that he will “make a man out of [them]” (VO). The rhyming goes AABB. In the FR, he insults them as being weaker than “fillettes” – little girls- but if they follow him he will make real men out of them. The rhyming goes ABBB, but the first line fits with the third verse’s first so it is not so bad. The real problem is in the QC version. While the others have a 9-8-9 syllables verse, this one has a 10-8-9, with the last one having a few syllables contracted so that it fits. Also, in this version, Shang insults their looks : “Vous êtes les plus moches de toutes mes recrues” which means « You’re the ugliest of all my trainees”. Being weak affects your ability as a soldier. Being ugly does not.

The lessons on how to be a good soldier start in the third verse. Shang starts with nature analogies in a pseudo ABAB scheme (like in the first verse, it actually fits quite well with it). He then says : “Once you find your center/ You are sure to win” (VO). It is almost textually translated in the (FR) as : “En trouvant l’équilibre/ Vous serez vainqueurs”. I think this is a great piece of translation right here as it conveys the same meaning, the rhyming scheme is complete ABAB and it is almost a copy of the VO, there is very few let to interpretation. It is very clear, it sounds good, great job. On the other hand, the QC version has some improvements possible. The nature analogies are weak, too long and there is no mention of balance at all, which is a recurring theme in the movie and the sequel. The rhymes go ABBA, which is a great music group but does not fit the original.

The bridge, even though it is placed at a random place in the structure of the song is the next part. Shang is getting tired as the recruits do not seem to learn anything. Yet, he keeps pushing them and claims that he will “somehow, […] make a man out of [them]” (VO). He does not know how, but he will manage. In the (FR), he says that “envers et contre tout”, he will do it. Against all odds, he will do it. There is a part that upsets me in both translated versions. Instead of focusing on making soldiers, they focus on making “real men”. The insults are saying they are girls, unmasculine and weak. I think it is a very strong example of gender roles within Disney and of toxic masculinity. In the QC, Shang claims he will make them “des hommes, avant tout”. Not soldiers, men. Yet, their best soldier is a woman. Joke’s on them

There is not much to say about the next part, it is basically an ensemble of the other characters putting in funny one-liners and make a transition within the song so that they improve later on when the same melody is repeated but now they are good. I wanted to note that all three versions presented a rhyme with “gym”, which I though was impressive but also they did not really have a choice but to do in the translated texts’ case.

Finally we get to it, the chorus. In the VO, Shang gives his counsel as to “Be a man”. He uses the second person to address them. The same goes for the FR. However, the QC translating team decided to be a bit funky and make them a unit; they use the first person plural imperative. For once, the QC is closer to the original than its fellow translation as both versions present an ABAB rhyming scheme and the FR presents an AAAA. Almost all words rhyme in “an”: violent, torrent, puissant, ouragans, ardent, volcans, and Orient. Yes, French is weird and has a lot of different writing for the same sound and mute letters. An interesting point is that even if the two French versions are very different, they are in fact both very close to the original. Only, they each took a different interpretation and we get two divergent options which mean the same but do not look like it.

The last part I analysed is the last verse as the rest of the song is a repetition of the chorus over and over again. In this verse, Shang gives up on them. They are out of time, the enemy is coming and they are “unsuited for the rage of war” (VO). He does not believe anymore that he can make men, let enough good soldiers out of them. The rhyming goes ABAB, the first line floating in a void and the third fitting with the next verse. In the FR, he gives up as well. Here again, the QC team decided to mix things up a little and Shang says “Si vous redouttez la vue du sang/ Décampez, il est encore temps/ Oui je ferai des hommes de vous avant tout” (QC). It translates as « If you’re scared leave, I could make a man out of you but only if you feel like it ». They were conscripted into the army, they cannot leave. This is in opposition with the storyline in the movie.

Personally, between the two versions, I prefer the FR. It makes more sense with the story, it is closer to the original and the overall product feels more polished. We can see that there was some work put into the QC but it does not seem quite there yet. It is hard to translate, to chose the right method at the right time, the right vocabulary and the correct storyline, and I am glad that there are two versions so that we can appreciate the FR to its right value.