'YOU'

The introductory sound and feel to the overall tape. A very solace track with a euophoric chorus. This track touches on me (my default shy character, tendencies to disappear), my relationship with my family (missing birthdays, important events), my faith, my high expectations for my career, art, & with all that being said, I love this track for what it is. A melodic train of thought. 

My sound is different, the way I make music is different, and I am aware of that. It has made collaborating hard for me. This created a want for me to be 'similar' to other people, which I know is not right (due to the reasons). Leading up to the very first line of the verse 'Keep me different Lord'

I am proud of myself, my work, the skills I have gained with the time I have spent creating. I feel that I showed that with this track.

I was working 9-5 after finishing college & did not have enough time for music while making this track. I felt locked up. I would dream of what I would do if I had the time, the space & what I would achieve. I talk to myself in the verse, positively showing love to keep my spirits up, as well as congratulating myself for not giving up until now. I touch on topics of regret if I was to never take the risk, and how I would ever explain that decision to my future baby, to my little siblings...' as being a good influence on them (directly or indirectly) is very important to me. 

This track has a bit of influence from Smino,  and you can tell with the jazzy chords, and boom bap drums.

I was talking to a friend of mine who recently took in a kitten. She loves him whole heartedly, and from the looks of it vice versa. She made the point of how she loves how he needs her. This was the entire inspiration for the track.

I looked at the situation from her perspective and how I would feel. 

1 - I would feel fear of being idolised, looked up to, and the pressure that would bring.

On the other hand;

2 - Being adored, chosen, needed, that's a feeling I can not lie about wanting.

It's a feeling that does make me happy, but I do think it is unhealthy. I still need to dive into this theory properly and formulate an opinion.

I have grown to understand that I am a person that has a lot of love to give. Unconventional love. Love that I sometimes think people won't understand, and that's where the name MAD LVE came from.

This song was me coming to terms with the fact that I have a lot of love to show. While still having doubts, and worries that it's wrong. Eitherway I did not know how to show it, but I knew that I could say it. Making this song was a form of me showing love.
This is all this song is for, showing love.

Jazzy bass by Dara Abduraham.

'Loving someone is a choice'
That statement did not feel to be true when making this interlude. 

"I love you, but I don't want me to..." 

This was something I had to say, over and over & fully express before I could properly move on from a past relationship. 

Intro: While having a conversation with one of my uncles, we were talking about relationships, situationships, and just women in general. His honest rant was really great to listen to. 

I know that I have a lot of love to give, and when that isn't being reciprocated it creates a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. 'Will you try to stay or will you try to leave?' Clarity is all I ask for and it makes things easier for everybody.

This song is a story of me giving a lot of love and realising that the other person doesn't feel the same or just can't. In the whole situation I blamed myself for not being smarter, or knowing what kind of person I am. 'I love like wholesale, all in but so frail' this is something that I have known about myself but did not act upon. My friends knew about the situation, I was so excited about the person that I told them, 'My friends know like bereal.' Some would warn me to dial it back but that isn't a skill I have picked up just yet.

All in all, STAY/LEAVE is about the confusion in the middle of that whole story. I wanted the instrumental to emulate that. The artist/producer McJordan was able to add to the production of the drums/pads and bring more emotion to the track.

TO LOVE TO LOSE DAY ONE DAY TWO is about my first experience losing someone that I loved, & that person also taught me how to love. I could argue that I am over it, but even then I am still being reminded of them. That's why I can't 'mourn' & why I'm 'dodging their texts and phone calls'

The song is personal and so I can not just lightly dive into it. I'd love for people to take what they hear and decide for themselves what it means.