Two Types of Fighting
Genesis 32:22-32
22 The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. 24 Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go, unless you bless me.’ 27 So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ 28 Then the man said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.’ 29 Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.’ 31 The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the thigh muscle that is on the hip socket, because he struck Jacob on the hip socket at the thigh muscle.
1 Corinthians 13:4-11
4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.
“Two Types of Fighting”
The Rev Jen Van Zandt
October 16, 2022
Well, all the disturbing headlines that we continue to see on a daily and weekly basis, one small story caught my eye this week and it made me heart-sick. In addition to the deeper and more catastrophic things that we continue to see in the ongoing tragedies of the world, perhaps you saw this as well. Two teenagers boldly went into the National Art Gallery in London and threw two open cans of tomato soup at Van Gogh's famous and treasured painting “Sunflowers”. Then they unpacked a knapsack, opened up a tube of super glue and glued their hands on the wall below the painting.
It's not the first time that we've seen climate activists make aggressive protests to try to get people's attention. Just two weeks ago there were protesters in DC, who blocked the freeway to try to get the President's attention. Another group let air out of tires of dozens of SUVs, because they're gas guzzlers, both in the UK and in the United States. Another group climbed on the roof of one of the trains in London to stop the morning commute. And on and on it goes. And, although I am absolutely worried about climate change and firmly believe we need to drastically change our behaviors, I don't agree with any of these tactics. I'm not for hostile protests where actions are more about hostility, than they are about trying to enact real change. Hostility and fighting for fighting's sake, where the egos drive for complete control and domination, doesn't accomplish anything. It just widens the gap in the already complicated dynamics of human relationships.
You might remember Jacob's early story. He was a twin--the younger of the two. And as scripture says earlier in Genesis, he was already fighting for domination while he was still inside the womb. And even as he came out, he had his hand grasped to Esau's ankle as if to say, “I've already got you under my control.” Jacob goes on to have a very complicated life, filled with all sorts of disappointment, arguments and losses as he ages and continues to wrestle and fight for what he wants, as well as becoming increasingly anxious and worried about how he has treated his brother. He's particularly anxious to protect himself. And he's torn between protecting himself and wanting to make right a relationship that has been sour for a very long time. He’s struggling between what his ego wants while also wanting to right the wrongs of the past.
The story of Jacob wrestling with an angel is one of the most well-known stories in the Old Testament and what we learn from this story, besides Jewish cultic practices of where they will and will not eat meat; is that Jacob, too, probably needed a hip replacement. We too have had restless nights where we couldn't sleep because of the way someone treated us. We wrestle about the cause of their hostility and what, if anything, we might have done to trigger that. We've also had a lot of sleepless nights where we're upset with ourselves, because we weren't the best of ourselves in a situation and then we don't know what to do about that either.
Scholar Walter Brueggemann talks about the story of Jacob and other Old Testament stories saying that they “draw attention to both our own human limitations and our sinful nature”. But they also draw attention to God's nature to be patient with us in spite of our bad behavior. It seems like when we're highly triggered by an event, a conversation or a well-tread argument with a spouse or a child or a sibling or a neighbor, the words of 1st Corinthians 13 don't really pop to mind. And, if we're honest, when we're whipped up, we don't want 1st Corinthians 13 to come to mind, because we want to insist on our own way. We do want to be the winner of the argument.
And, as you know, 1st Corinthians 13 is a classic text for weddings. But 1st Corinthians 13 lands very differently and even more meaningful on those who are at the wedding, because the bride and groom, when they hear 1st Corinthians 13, have no idea what they're in for. Right? I can't tell you how many weddings I've preached 1st Corinthians 13 and the bride and groom are glazed over. They’re already exhausted. They're not listening. They choose the text because they like the sentiment of 1st Corinthians 13. But people in the congregation of the wedding love that text, because they've lived it. They framed it when they first got married. And they go back to it again and again, especially for couples who actively work at their marriage and understand that every day, married or not, we have the opportunity to start over again. And if you've been married for a long time, and/or you have lived some life, you know how crucial this text is.
U.S news and World Report did a study about 15 years ago. They surveyed a thousand couples to determine what made couples stay together and what caused couples to separate and divorce. And what they found was if one in ten comments to the spouse is a positive, loving response, even in the midst of an argument, the marriage survives and thrives. But if even one out of ten comments is a negative, hostile comment, then there's no hope of the marriage going the distance.
As you know, Paul's purpose in 1st Corinthians 13 had nothing to do with marriage and everything to do with the church in Corinth that was in great conflict and having arguments among themselves. They were insisting on their own way. They were puffing themselves up, comparing themselves to one another; of who had the best gifts, the best talents, the ability to speak in tongues, the best ones to preach and teach.
So what does this have to do with Jacob? Well, after wrestling all night with an angel, (and his own demons he recognizes his part in causing so much conflict; in puffing himself up in front of his twin brother, insisting on his own way. He also recognized his need for blessing. He recognized his need for God. He recognized that God knew all of his behavior in the past and that God loved him anyway.
Again, Brueggemann says that the miracle of this event is the good news of the entire gospel--that God engages us and meets us where we are, especially in the middle of the night, when we're hurting or we've hurt one another and we can't sleep. God engages us where we are; with who we are. God sees our weaknesses and still blesses us and preserves us in order to transform us.
May it be so. Amen.