Direct Confrontation

Post date: Jun 16, 2020 1:01:58 AM

"State Prosecutor: But your own words demand for DIRECT CONFRONTATION!

Steve Biko: That's right, we demand confrontation.

State Prosecutor: Isn't that a demand for violence?

Steve Biko: Well, you and I are now in confrontation, but I see no violence."

Cry Freedom, 1987

The memory of this scene in the movie Cry Freedom has been often on my mind as of late. Although this movie was about the Apartheid in South Africa, I think it resonates very strongly about what is happening in America today.

Over the last few weeks I have seen many step up to have "Direct Confrontation", many of those have been peaceful... unfortunately others have been violent.

Most people don't like confrontation. It makes us uncomfortable at best, at worst we fear the outcome that may come from a direct confrontation. Many times over the years I have avoided the "Direct Confrontation" because I was either not invested enough in the issue to warrant a confrontation, or I was scared.

Four years ago my best friend gave a speech at a political rally. I thought that I didn't have it within me to be that brave. I admired her for having the courage to put herself not just on a local platform, but a national platform to share her story. Although she spoke within a political platform, her speech was primarily about social issues. This is why the lines get so easily blurred. Social issues are often addressed politically to enact reforms to offer protections. But the social issues are not completely addressed until the communities change their social behavior.

Issues. There are many issue that we need to address in this world. Some are political issues, some are social issues, some issues don't really qualify either as political nor social issues. Systemic racism is a social issue, there are people who span the political spectrum from liberal to conservative that agree that it is an issue and that it needs to addressed. Discrimination at its core is a social issue.

"Direct confrontation" can be healthy. It can give us a venue to start important conversations. It allows us to become assertive, but that does not mean that we need to be violent. It can empower people with new found knowledge.

People often fear what they do not know. People fear change. Change is essential for life, not just of individual beings, but of communities and cultures.

Words change, sometimes more quickly than we think. Years ago I found myself researching the word 'cake' for a translation of a medieval recipe from German. Many of you may recall the famous quote that clearly came across as disdain of the Privilege to those who suffered. "Let them eat cake." Did 'cake' mean the tasty dessert many of us enjoy when we celebrate special events? or did it mean something else? What if I told you it meant "a poor man's food". Would that change the impact of that quote? I'm sure it would.

Words or phrases can become very sensitive to a person who has been discriminated against and those words or phrases used against them.

50 years ago the word 'Colored' was the polite way to refer to a 'Black' person. That changed, but certainly many 'White' people who are very kind were not made aware that this was no longer socially acceptable. Black or African-American were the polite words now. So about 10 years ago when a friend used the word 'Colored' in reference to a 'Black' person, he was gently corrected. He said "I didn't know, I was taught that was polite." and was distraught. We took the time to listen and explain. That moment was a 'Direct Confrontation' about an issue. My friend wasn't the issue, what he said was the issue, and it was due to ignorance. He now has more information at his disposal so that the 'issue' has been resolved.

Knowledge is power. Sharing knowledge is a powerful gift. When we take the time to address an issue, and not attack the person, effective change can be the result. This strategy of handling issues was taught to me nearly 30 years ago, as part of training that my company provided. Taking the initiative to address issues in a manner that is shown out of concern, not an attack, opens up the conversation. Taking the time to listen allows you to get context that may not have been visible when the issue arose.

I saw how this strategy of handling issues applied to my professional life, and soon discovered how it applied to my social life. Some may term this as being "diplomatic" and I'm fine with that. I also now see it as a means to address the social issues we face.

If you see a friend, even an acquaintance, who has made a faux pas on one of these very emotional issues. Be the vessel of that 'Direct Confrontation'. Go up to that person and say "I have a concern, can we talk privately about it?" I bet you that the friendship will be stronger for it.