Love is recognized as selfless, devoted, and pure. However, if expectation and anticipation are unavoidable, can love still be selfless? The truth is that we do have expectations of the beloved one, no matter what type of relationship we are sharing. 

We suggest That Love is always selfless in its origins (intentions) but rarely in its actions, because we always expect something in return -- consciously or unconsciously.  

Consider parental love: Parents love their children. But many children are under huge pressure from parental love. 

For example, students feel panicked when they get a bad grade in school because they fear disappointing their parents. The reason for such panic is not from thin air; it is the deep root of the dynamics of love. Children understand the deep love and expectation their parents hold. Because of such sentiments, the fear of disappointment is no longer strange. 

Parents also fear that their children will perform poorly in school. Partly, it is due to their expectation that the child will have a successful future. However, such an expectation is selfish in its behavior rather than its origins. They want their children to live well and freely, which is great. Nonetheless, they might suggest, or even force, their children to make choices they assume are good for them. For example, a student who is strong in philosophy might be compelled to study medicine if their parents do not recognize the potential of philosophy. It happens everywhere in the world. You can't, and shouldn't, complain about the origins. But the future of philosophy is ruined by a misguided decision made by parents. The complaint becomes reasonable and understandable. 

Love is always dynamic; you will lose as well as gain. Perhaps love is never entirely selfless -- and recognizing this tension is part of understanding it. 

Written by Yaxin (Amy) Sun