It was the same question we raised during Identity.

It kind of had a connection with the concept of the Shadow. Carl Jung once said, "to confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light". When you put your lights up, a shadow will cast - something that may reveal who you are, the other side that you may not know about. The other side that you may unknowningly have chose to repress.

While coming to terms with it, in silence, Cara reached his 10th month without any announcement of a comeback. That was not like how I expected to happen, following the conclusion of the Speak Yourself tour. In spite of this, our holiday which sees us travel through towns, and had us booked in a hotel which I chose, was made sweeter when preview images for this year's BTS Season's Greetings and Harry's next comeback date and album title were released.

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I would recall a song about contemplating how we should live our life.

As I write the night before, a lot of things came to mind that I cannot explain -- but all these simply meant that to this day, I still do not know how I should do it.

Our situation in my family is getting worse. Everyone has its problems - finances, relationships, and all. As of writing we are struggling financially. I really wanted to help.. but I do not know how. Have I always been selfish?

I always say I love my family. But do I really love them? Maybe I only "love" them but in reality I may not. Maybe I do really love them but it's just that I'm too afraid to let go what I have to let go.

Is this a sign that I should do something else, or are my circumstances only roadblocks which I'll have to pass through to finally make it to what I really want? I thought I know my purpose, but have I been doing the wrong thing all this time?

Do I have to suffer for the ones I "love"? Should I let go what I have always been up to? Could this be the end of our story?

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As they say, you have to cross the desert to reach the sea. Some things may remain, but some may have to change. And some may have to lose. We can claim to live how we want, but it's not always going to be easy.

I'm finding out which desert I will cross. I feel like I will have to take the hardest one. It will have many steps that it seems like I wouldn't get there, but I'll keep in mind that I'm moving closer to the life I want to live.

Today I begin a new journey where I would reconsider my decisions. I wrote last year, everything I do must inspire everyone.

It has been exactly two years since the day it happened, and one year since the beginning of the MDverse and the day we knew that Cara will lead. He has come so far now as a leader, but I still have so much to improve in my life. But here I am now about to take the first step.

From this point on I will take my life seriously to fulfill my purpose God has for me. As I would now finally live like how I wanted to, I will have the confidence to be fine.

By the way, future me was telling me something.

"You'll be fine. You made it."

I'm moving closer than the last time I said I was.