The Guys From Up North

1-3-1

LUMBERJACKS

(Shivering)

We’re not cold take as long as you need.

DAD & THE GROUP

We’re the Urbanites. We need a tree.

TREES

Say, haven’t they heard of plastic?

It’s perennial, it’s fantastic.

PEGGY

Those bundled ones, are they really five

feet wide?

LUMBERJACKS

We’re the guys from up north and we don‘t

take pity on Urbanites

DAD & THE GROUP

Hey, we’re suburbanites!

TREES

Just say goodnight

LUMBERJACKS

They don’t know a scotch pine from a

spruce. (pause, shiver) How we doin’

here?. take all the time you want.

DANNY

We really like that little one over there.

TREES

Pretend you’re crooked, old and sickly

Dead and and droopy and needles prickly

DAD

Did he say fifty? Somehow I suppose that’s fair

LUMBERJACKS

We’ll take forty, not a dollar more

TREES

Please, no pets, or narrow doors

LUMBERJACKS

(spoken)

Hey, don’t worry, it’s guaranteed to fill out

ELF S

(spoken)

We’re not sure, we still have lingering doubts

TREES

(chanting)

Linger, linger, linger.

TREE #1

Hey, be careful! His wallet is coming out!

LUMBERJACKS

We’re the guys from up north and we don‘t

take pity on Urbanites

DAD & THE GROUP

Hey, we’re suburbanites!

TREES

Just say goodnight

ALL

They don’t know a Red Pine

They don’t know a White Pine

They don’t know a Scotch Pine

From a Spruce