I was very quiet and introspective from as early as I can remember, because my father made it very clear that he didn’t want girls (who would only amount to nothing), while boys did the trick for him, and he suited action to the words too. It meant that for me and my sister, we might as well not have been there. He left our mother soon after we were born in Jamaica, starving us of love, affection and care. He barely wanted to give anything towards our upkeep after he left home, and I often wondered how our mother coped with us during those harsh times. 

Basic things for school and life were denied us, which meant we experienced a level of poverty that was both excruciating and unbelievable, often having nothing to eat many days. This knowledge that I was subconsciously rejected did little good for my self-esteem, and though I was a phenomenal reader, from four years old, my actual achievement and motivation during early childhood were very low. However, what my father lacked in acceptance, value, and love, my mother made up for in abundance.

As a child I was short, thin and frail, as I was finicky with food, having a passion for eating mainly milk and eggs. That was great for protein, but not much fat. Hence I was a target for bullies, which was rife between 8 and 12 years old. Being rather meek, and almost apologising for my existence, bullying me became an enjoyable pastime for the bored ones who found fault with my clothes, my looks, and my manner. 

I realised, with both excitement and swelling pride, that the teacher was actually reading MY essay! It was the first time in my life I had been praised publicly for something I had done, a tremendous feeling of worth, value and talent. It had a dramatic effect on both my behaviour and that of the bullies around me. From then on, they were more conciliatory, wanting me to help with their work, while that simple appreciation motivated my efforts, raised my achievements, and influenced me getting a scholarship to a convent grammar school a year later. It also cemented my love of the printed word and gave me a new optimism and zest for life, helping me to rise above my existence. 

Then one day I was in my usual seat at the back of the classroom daydreaming, staring out of the window, wishing I was somewhere else, to escape from my searing life of perceived rejection, when something familiar disturbed my thoughts. It was an essay I had written (for my English class) about a girl having an exciting dream she thought was real, until she woke up to hear “the pattering of the rain on the window pane”, the only words I remember from the story. 

As well as being a prolific writer, author and publisher, thanks to that teacher's simple praise and appreciation of my effort, I went on to become an English teacher myself for a while, making a point of reading out students’ essays to ensure they are recognised. The rest, as they say, is history.

These days I am far more extroverted and more self-loving, with an enduring sense of purpose, a deep understanding of the pain of others, and a keen desire to empathise and help where I can. I believe I'm a beautiful achiever, and I immensely enjoy my positive mindset and approach; one that I like to share with others. Years ago I forgave the bullies and stepfather too, which freed me from their lives. The past now seems like another world entirely. In fact, if my younger self met my older self today, the two would barely recognise each other! 

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#englishlanguage #essay #primaryschool #elainesihera #lifechange #education #teacher

This blog, Mindful Moments, is very important to me because I owe everything in my life to simple confidence and self-belief. Confidence rescued me from a dire, traumatic childhood, and on to training in England, while self-belief has sustained that progression in unbelievable, almost magical, ways. In fact, one of those instances has been my inspiration for some years.

It happened in 1995. I had been running a magazine that was intended to reach across cultures and encourage diverse interaction since 1991. But somewhere along the line, the magazine had ceased to become the main focus, and was ready to be used to promote something else allied to its core ethos of diversity inclusion.

I decided on an annual award to recognise businesses for good diversity practice, at a time when that had little priority, the first of its kind in the UK, and, as I wanted them to be as prestigious, and well known as possible, I decided the inaugural awards would be held in the House of Commons - the seat of our MPs in Parliament. That was easier said than done, because only MPs (lawmakers) could sponsor or hold events in it. I knew no MPs, but I knew members from the House of Lords (the upper chamber), and one of them was almost near enough to be a neighbour. Once I got an idea about a project, there was no stopping me, so I set about trying to make it happen.

I wrote to four MPs I had dealt with in the past, and got a couple of polite refusals (after all, they hardly knew me!), one didn’t even bother to respond, and the fourth kept me dangling for three months, raising my hopes, then finally giving a lame reason why he couldn’t do it. Six months after my enthusiastic start, I was no nearer to getting the Commons and feeling somewhat deflated as I had lost valuable time.

This was the bit where many other people would have probably thrown in the towel, but having great self-belief as I did, that wasn’t me.

Then one day I was talking to my Baroness friend (who was a member of the House of Lords), bemoaning the fact that this MP had kept me waiting for months, yet said no, and she laughed out loud and said, ”You silly, Girl! Why didn't you come to me first?”

I never thought of asking her because I knew that the House of Commons was kept separate in organisation and access from the Lords, so I didn’t think she would have been able to help. However, apparently, Lords’ members could book the Commons rooms for events, and she promptly did that for me within three days, becoming its first Awards Patron. 

My launch event (the British Diversity Awards) would be held in our Parliament building, as I had planned, and attended by a good number of lawmakers, too, which was exactly what I wanted to raise awareness of the issue at the highest level. In many respects it was surreal because, for many months afterwards, people kept asking me how I managed to hold it in the Commons when I wasn’t even an MP or politician!

That one act reinforced my self-belief that anything was possible when we set our mind to it. Though I became very well known through the awards (even appearing on a radio show a few years later being regarded as ‘one of the most powerful women in Britain’!), at that time I was an ordinary member of the public with a big dream and lots of faith and belief in what was possible. Success with that one event (which ran for 12 years and was influential in developing diversity management in the UK) demonstrated how, if we dream about what we want, focus on working toward it, with action, faith and firm belief, we will subconsciously open doors we never thought possible. Everything I have achieved since then has confirmed that one inescapable fact.

Unexpected Directions

That singular act has led to some interesting research, five books, inclusion and empowerment workshops, public speaking and lots of personal rewards for me, especially recognition that I hadn’t even dreamt of myself, like an honorary doctorate from the Open University for my work.

I hope that little story has given you some ideas for your own dreams and aspirations. Mindful Moments is meant to help the fulfilment of those desires with tips and advice on dealing with challenges, minimising stress and anxiety, clearing a personal path for your dreams, instead of being cluttered with the obstacles of fear and dread, and believing in your own power to make things happen.

However, I cannot do it alone, and things tend to happen for us when we give back instead of just taking. If you like a post, or found it useful, PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to enable more posts to be created and to make a difference to even more readers. Only by working together, and appreciating one another can we all realise our purpose.

With this newsletter, I am hoping to build a kind community that supports each other, who feels the world is their oyster and is fearless in seeing what is possible. Thank you for your company on this new journey, for any assistance you wish to give, and I hope your day is amazing!

In many instances of racism, a common indignant mantra that offenders keeps reciting goes something like this, “Racism has nothing to do with it. I am not racist. Explain how I was racist!”, which displays a level of naivety that is pretty depressing. 

Clearly, some people genuinely do not understand how they could be biased towards others in their attitude and actions. As ignorance doesn’t help positive interactions, I wanted to use my own lived experience to highlight concepts that are often taken for granted, yet not fully understood (like racism, stereotyping, and colour-blindness). Hence my diversity inclusion focus on race and gender. I believe those key terms needed clarification to help minimise needlessly negative and biased actions. 

Personally, I am of mixed heritage through a White grandfather and Black grandmother, so I experienced, first hand, what racism could do to a family, hence why I embarked on this mission to inform, educate and raise awareness about its nature and effects.

I never knew my grandfather, and don’t even have a picture of him. Racism robbed me of that privilege. My mother was of European heritage, (through her father), while my father came from an African one. Despite being mixed-race herself (through my grandmother), my mother fell foul of her Dad when she fell in love with a Black man, enough to run off with him. From then on, her father rejected her completely. 

This ostracism was very hard for her, because her family was one of the wealthiest in Jamaica, and she had to live in poverty in Kingston when the romance turned sour five years later, and she was left holding two young children and unable to work. During those hard times, she developed such a resentment of my grandfather, her pride would not allow her to reconcile with him, even when he visited her once, wanting to see us. My sister and I never met him. But racism wasn’t finished with us yet! 

Five years ago, I decided to trace my varied ancestry to the present day to enlighten myself on my family roots. Being a product of a slave society, followed by British colonialism, I hadn’t even taken into account the effects of such White racist imposition on my family tree. I had no problem tracing my mother’s lineage through all the information available. With a White father, many details of that side of her family were meticulously recorded. 

But when it came to my Black father, there was a rude awakening: everything stopped at my paternal great grandfather as everyone before him was simply a number, or a single slave name, being deprived of their original names. It was like someone had given my stomach a huge punch that killed all my hopes and expectations of finding out about myself. For weeks, I was distraught and just wanted to cry continuously at this strange feeling of loss, grief, and bereavement. 

Gradually it dawned on me that racism through slavery had left much more of a legacy for Black minorities than anyone could ever imagine: erasing the complete history of a people that, at one stroke, negated their presence thereby making them stateless and unworthy of any kind of historical record. A state that has quietly robbed Blacks of their self-esteem, confidence, sense of achievement and sense of self ever since. After all, it is hard to believe you are worthy, if all you have had as motivation down the years are racist brutality, repression, and exclusion, while descendants of slave masters and oppressors are presented as the epitome of success to be emulated. 

That is the simple and stark effect of any kind of racism today: a continued lack of respect, denial of identity, and erosion of the self. But how, and why, do we act in racist ways? 

We have to look at its origins to find out. 

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Consequences of Making Choices

Prejudice, or bias, is a natural by-product of making CHOICES in life. Being presented with an array of choices daily, we cannot like everything, so we gradually learn to choose from the, sometimes, bewildering options available. We tend to select what matters to us most, that reinforces our culture and enhances our life quality, especially the things that keep us in our familiar comfort zones. From choosing a partner to choosing a fashionable item, we are exercising the prejudice of accepting one thing over another. We are all guilty of exercising prejudice in some form, thus prejudice of its own nature is undoubtedly human. 

However, when that choice concerns other humans, personal prejudice can lead to negative bias, caused by feelings of being threatened, marginalised or inferior. Prejudice then becomes an issue where those choices are made with deliberate malice to show dislike, to stem personal fear, to preserve privileges and to denigrate, or deny, other people’s presence and rights. In fact, prejudice becomes intolerable when it is applied to people whose physical aspects of themselves cannot be changed: like their colour, age, disability, gender, or sexuality.

One always has the choice to lose weight, if one is obese, to stop smoking, if the smoke offends others, or to stop behaving badly. But prejudice against people who cannot change their physical characteristics is a demonstration of assumed power and self-righteous entitlement. 

Dealing with such blind prejudice is often a traumatic process for those on the receiving end, especially if they are not supported by the system, by neighbours, their workplace, or the community. People affected by mindless prejudice often feel impotent to deal with it, and many are left emotionally, and even physically, scarred by its effects. Thankfully, the room for those malicious types of prejudice is gradually contracting, because of global exposure to difference, the networking opportunities to deal with people of diverse cultures and communities, and the educational advantages available. 

In fact, the vast amount of information on the Internet and elsewhere, the dramatic increase in travel over the years, and the proliferation of social networking sites like LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook, are doing more to break down such prejudices, and the barriers to the acceptance of diversity, than anything that has gone before them. They now make it difficult to exercise real prejudice without censure, especially when people are forsaking their locality to make 'friends' on a global scale. 

But why do so many people feel the need to be biased, prejudiced, or racist? It could have a lot to do with their own self-perception and view of others. In short, what they actually feel within them when they compare themselves to others around them.