Capstone Dissemination

While considering the timeline for these many methods of dissemination, I slowly began to realize something. The thought had been continuously on my mind throughout this entire experience. I shaped my capstone based both on the outlines set by American standards (formed by myself, WashU, AOTA, DeIuliis & Bednarski, etc.) and international standards (formed by former OT students who engaged in international work, Dr. Bakhshi, my site mentors, and my literature review). However, I compared my own achievements to plans and objectives that are not possible given my international setting and the brief timeline. In sum, international work often just takes more time, and I felt like I was failing myself and school because of that.

In our first check-in, I was surprised to hear that Dr. Bakhshi’s expectations of this dissemination are my e-portfolio, and my video. I had lofty goals of more, of reaching farther. I looked to my classmates who seemed to be years ahead of me and wondered, “what is wrong with me?” This only added to my internal dialogue that I had greatly declined as a student, that I’m never motivated enough and always behind. This is still partially true, as evidenced by this “Dissemination Plan” which I am completing a month and a half late, on my last official week of capstone.

But as I look at my concluding evaluations and reflections on this experience, I see why I feel so behind – I thought I could do a lifetime’s work in 14 weeks. My main site mentor, María, even hinted at this in the first few weeks, when I presented my capstone proposal. She noted, “you’re not only discerning the type of occupational therapist you want to be, you’re discerning the type of person you want to be.” And she’s right. This capstone is the first 14 weeks (or year and a half, if you count preparation) of a lifelong dedication to the aforementioned goals.

With this perspective, of course my deliverables and timeline are going to look different than many of my classmates’ – I built a capstone that is wildly different than many of my peers, and am working to build a career that is wildly different than the traditional occupational therapist we first think of. This takes time. In the mean time, I will work to continue improving my timeliness and organization. I will practice building realistic goals, so I am not later disappointed in myself. Above all, I aim to give myself the grace and kindness that no one is perfect, and we’re all learning. Even when I’m 102 years old, I’ll still have things to learn and improve on. So why am I trying to tackle it all now, at 25?