Wellness Blog

The college audition season is in full swing! Pre screens have been submitted and now we wait for the news…Yes! We want to see you in person or No, we are going to pass. While this is a sort of niche experience, it is very similar mentally/emotionally to sending in multiple resumes in a job search and waiting to hear if you have been offered any interviews. It can be an emotional rollercoaster with highs and lows with excitement and disappointments throughout the process. 

When on an emotional rollercoaster, the behaviors that you engage in can change. When you find out you are being offered an interview (audition), you are likely feeling good, bubbly, helpful, and pleasant with everyone. You are ready to bring your best self to that interview (audition). When you are passed on for an interview, you are likely feeling down, frustrated, negatively related to your self-worth, and may let that impact how you interact with others. 

What can you do during this time to protect your mental health and ensure that your outward behaviors don’t alienate your support system?

1. Engage in positive self-talk

   1. Remind yourself every day of the good things you have

   2. Meditate/Pray/Reflect daily, even if it’s just for 2 mins. A quiet 2 mins of reflection can work to calm a busy brain. 

2. Engage in physical movement!

   1. Move your body! This helps to regulate any nervous energy

   2. Movement can mean running 4 miles, taking a 15 min walk, or simply engaging in small body weight exercises or stretching in your home. The type of movement will depend on each individual 

   3. This movement provides you with endorphins to help regulate your emotions

3. Keep preparing for the potential interview/audition

   1. Keep practicing! For an interview this may include researching the companies you applied to, researching potential interview questions asked in your field of interest, etc… For an audition, this may include attending dance/voice classes or workshops. Continuing to work your material and building the story that you want to tell with your performance.

   2. In all your prep…don’t over do it. Be aware of if you are over-preparing. This can make you seem over rehearsed and take away from your story telling. 

4. If a “pass” comes in, remind yourself your negative feelings are real, but temporary

   1. It is important to acknowledge all of your feelings, even the negative ones. Acknowledge, sit in those feelings for a moment, and go back to the positive self-talk to rebuild your confidence. The “no” may hurt, but it just means the “yes” you were meant for is coming later. 

   2. Feelings and emotions are temporary. You are not sad, happy, tired, excited, angry, every moment of every day. Instead, all of these feelings happen over time and some happen at the same time. 

   3. You can only control how you react to each of these. Consider the behaviors you are engaging in during each emotional state. When you are angry, how do you react? Are you happy with that reaction? Are there changes you would like to make? How about when you are sad? Happy? You can control your reactions to these emotions. 

5. Seek support

   1. Find your support system!

   2. This may be family, friends, a teacher, or a health coach. Consider who you can go to that will allow for you to have the reaction you need to for each emotion. Who can you go to and yell at the universe when you are angry? Who will allow you to cry the happy tears? The sad tears? It may be a different person for each emotion.  

If you need any support through the process of mentally preparing for auditions, dealing with the stress of applying for jobs, or are just feeling overwhelmed, reach out! I am here to help with the behavioral changes that can make this process run more smoothly. 

Charissa

As my house is going through the college application process the word of the month is “resilience.” I came across an Instagram video a few weeks ago where a professor was explaining what resilience is to her class. She explained it as the time between not knowing and knowing something.

Sometimes the line of learning is short and straight. The skill or topic you are trying to learn about comes easily to you. You need to work to learn it, you don’t need to work that hard. This is not where we see the behavior of resilience build and grow. 

Sometimes the line of learning is long, turns, and curves all over. The skill or topic you are trying to learn about in these situations is hard. It does not come easily. This process can be frustrating. You might want to quit or give up. This is where your resiliency grows and builds. 

The ability to keep moving forward is essential in building and becoming a resilient person. Some behavioral strategies to build resilience include: 

1. Break your learning into smaller steps. Meeting small goals that build to the larger finished product can increase motivation.  

2. Create and engage in positive self-talk when you start to feel discouraged. Often changing your mindset can change your behavior.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! Too often people are worried asking questions is looked down on. As long as you have done the work, asking clarifying questions just allows you to fully understand the content. 

Are there other strategies you have used to build resilience in your life? 

Charissa

Have you ever had difficulties with your sleep habits? This is something that is often brought up in wellness coaching with teens and adults alike! 

Sleep is essential to allowing your brain and body to reset, rest, and prepare for what’s to come. While every person’s body needs a different amount of sleep, it is generally accepted that 6 to 7 hours is the minimum per night with the goal being closer to 8-9 hours per night. Most of the time people know they need that sleep, but getting that amount of sleep consistently is a battle. 

As an adult, you have work, kids, pets, and/or social activities taking up your time. This can lead to late bedtimes and early rising. As a teen, you have school, homework, after school activities, social events, and so much more!  All of these activities can lead to stress, which can negatively impact your ability to sleep.

Here are three simple behavior fixes that you can try if you are trying to increase your sleep. 

1. Turn your screens off 30 mins before you want to sleep

I know this seems difficult! That time right before bed is sometimes all you have to yourself and a quick TikTok/Instagram scroll helps you to unwind from a long day. I get it! I’m not saying that you should remove your scrolling (unless you want to). Instead, I suggest ending it earlier than usual. In my world of behavior analysis we call this process shaping. 

Set a goal to have your phone off by 10:30pm if you want to go to bed at 11pm. 

Week 1: for 5 of 7 days turn your phone off by 10:55pm

Week 2: for 5 of 7 days turn your phone off by 10:50pm

Week 3: for 5 of 7 days turn your phone off by 10:45pm

Continuing this slow, steady, change will make it easier and more likely for the change to stick. 

2. Set up and stick to a routine. 

Find a morning and nighttime routine that works for you. No one can tell you what your routine should be. There are plenty of suggestions in social media posts, blogs, etc… but your routine will only stick if it works for YOU! 

Find the time you will start your bedtime routine, follow the same steps consistently, and don’t feel like you need to do something just because someone else does.  Do what feels right for you!

3. Trying breathing/meditation techniques to fall asleep. 

This is not for everyone, but try to keep an open mind. Box breathing is very popular to help regulate and set up a calm space for sleep and can be a great way to start a meditation practice. 

To do this you focus only on your breath in and out and try not to think about anything else. You breathe in for a count of 3, hold your breath for a count of 3, breathe out for a count of 3, and hold/reset for a count of 3. You then continue this for a few cycles until you are ready for sleep. 

The most important part of changing what you do and building new habits is to take it SLOW and consistent! If you try to rush to make a change, it is less likely it will stick. Slow and systematic changes because a lifestyle change rather than a goal you set, met, and forget about.

Are there other things you do to support healthy sleep habits? 

Charissa

What is a Growth Mindset? This is the idea that everyone can develop skills and talent beyond the innate abilities that they are born with.

A Fixed Mindset is the idea that a person is born with the ability to meet a certain ceiling with skills and abilities and once that ceiling is reached, there is no more room for improvement.

A person who lives with a growth mindset acknowledges their innate abilities or talents, but continues to put in the effort and work to improve on these abilities. 

• They tackle challenging situations as an opportunity to grow.

• Listen to and apply constructive feedback

• Learn from failures 

The main criticism of a growth mindset is that it instills the idea that every person can be the best at every skill, but I believe this is a misinterpretation of the ideal. Some people are born with talents and skills that will make them better at some things than other people. This doesn’t mean a skill can’t be learned. I will never be able to swim as fast as Michael Phelps or win the Boston Marathon. BUT that doesn’t mean I am unable to become a better, faster swimmer tomorrow than I am today. It doesn’t mean that I can’t run a marathon. Having a growth mindset doesn’t mean that a person believes that they can be the best at everything. Instead it allows for a person to work to strengthen and build their innate talents and abilities and build new skills. 

Personally, I have spent time talking with my children about the importance of continuing to grow their skills. If my performer doesn't get the role she wants or doesn't get cast, she gets a day to live in her feelings and then we move forward and work hard so she can be ready for the next audition. If my rock climber can't top a climb, he gets to live in his feelings about it (although usually it's less than a day for him) and then we move forward and talk about where he needs to improve to be able to make it to the next level in a climb of that difficulty. 

Examples: 

A person has an innate talent as a dancer, but finds turning to be difficult. 

Growth Mindset: I can’t do a triple turn yet, but if I continue to work on my core strength and spotting, I will get there. 

Fixed Mindset: I’m just not a good turner. Single turns are all I can do well. 

Example:

A person studied for the and took the SAT/ACT and scored in the high average range, but lower than they expected. 

Growth Mindset: This isn’t the score I expected, I’m going to study more in the areas I scored the lowest and try again. 

Fixed Mindset: I must not be as smart as I thought, but hopefully this score is good enough. 

The most successful performers and beyond live with a growth mindset. They acknowledge and are proud of the skills and abilities they have, while understanding there is always room to grow with hard work and dedication. They follow the idea “If I am the best/smartest/stongest person in every room, I’m spending some time in the wrong room” and continue to search to put themself into situations where they are challenged and have room to grow. This could mean something as simple as taking one dance class that is a more difficult level or signing up for a group training for a 10K when you have only ever completed a 5K run.

In general, keeping an open mind and using positive self-talk is a great way to set yourself up to build on the skills and abilities that you are innately born with AND to build new skills.

If you are interested in talking about developing your growth mindset, email or DM me and we can get you started!

Charissa

I had an amazing week and I hope you did too! I took my daughter (who is currently a junior in high school) to the East Coast to do some preliminary college tours. She wants to go into musical theater and is currently trying to decide if she wants a “normal” college experience or if a smaller conservatory school is ok with her too. 

Here is what I learned on this trip: 

1. She would be completely fine with a conservatory style college (no sports, few clubs, etc..) even though she goes to a conservatory style high school

2. She LOVES New York City. Her face tells me even when her words don’t…but her words usually do. 🙂

3. Broadway shows are so fun to attend! (I already knew this, but was reminded)

4. My sense of direction is BAD. If I think we are supposed to go left, we should definitely be going right. Thank God for Google Maps.

5. She is going to move thousands of miles away from me in just over a year and I'm so excited for her and avoiding thinking about how sad I'm going to be.

The question is, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HEALTH COACHING? As I have been going through my course, I have found myself feeling overwhelmed with everything going on in my life and all the things that need to be done in the next few months for my health coach course, my job, and the variety of activities that I will need to support my children through. As I learn more about the health coaching process, I find myself implementing pieces on myself and considering how I can apply these strategies with my children. 

Today I am going to focus on goal setting! When I feel overwhelmed, I need to set myself short term goals to break down everything that I need to do. Setting SMART (specific, measurable, action-based, realistic, and time-bound) goals is so important. When coaching another person, it is my job to help them determine a realistic goal. If I was going to implement this with my daughter (selecting pre-screen material) or my son (planning his Eagle Scout project) I can ask them questions like: 

1. How do you feel about the work you have done to meet your goal so far? (this can also give me the opportunity to praise them for what they have completed)

2. What do you most want to accomplish this week? How will this help you reach your goal?

3. Are there any events this week that might get in the way of you making progress?

4. How can I and dad (the support system) help you overcome those obstacles?

Once we have a list of the tasks they want to accomplish and potential obstacles, we can work together to set a specific, measurable, and (most importantly) realistic goal for them to complete during the week. As the mom (and really a little bit of a control freak) I know I am going to want to tell them what the goal should be, BUT when a person selects their own goal, they feel more ownership. After the goal is set, we will discuss how to document/check in and how we will celebrate if they meet their goal.

Here is where my behavior analyst brain kicks in! If there are two people, you can use group contingencies to provide extra celebrations! In my case, each kid will select their own way to celebrate if they meet their goal individiually and we, as a family, will select a way to celebrate if both kids meet their goal. Who knows….maybe I’ll even get Matt and I in on this! Group contingencies can set up a great support system with the right people and my family typically thrives in this type of situation.

I am excited to get a little bit of practice in with my family tonight to see how this all goes before I start my practice coaching sessions tomorrow! Thank you so much to those of you that reached out to volunteer to work with me! 

Until next time!

Charissa