Embedded Files
"I think things are going to work out very well between Canada and the United States."
-Donald Trump
https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/carney-trump-canada-us-talks-trade-security-1.7496677
"Europe and the United States should move ideally, in my view, to a zero-tariff situation."
-Elon Musk, "Special Government Employee", DOGE
https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/05/business/musk-tariffs-us-europe/index.html
"As I have always warned, tariffs are bad policy, and trade wars with our partners hurt working people most."
-Mitch McConnell, U.S. Sen. (R)
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj9end2ze9lo
"Calling [fentanyl] a Canadian emergency and putting the same tariffs on Canadian products as we put on Mexican [products] is an invented emergency."
-Tim Kaine, U.S. Sen. (D)
https://globalnews.ca/news/11111463/donald-trump-tariffs-canada-senate-vote/
"Canada is a sovereign state."
-Pete Hoekstra, U.S. Ambassador to Canada
https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trumps-tariffs/article/canada-learns-rules-of-the-game-in-meeting-with-us-minister-says-trade-war-updates-here/
"The only way for President Trump to back off on his trade war is for American people themselves to say: 'It's enough'."
-Mélanie Joly, Foreign Minister
https://www.euronews.com/my-europe/2025/04/04/canada-leads-the-charge-in-trade-war-says-foreign-minister-melanie-joly
"He calls it Liberation Day. I call it Termination Day, because people are going to be losing their jobs across the U.S.."
-Doug Ford, Ontario Premier
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-american-tariffs-trump-1.7500003
"This is a declaration of war on the global poor."
-Robert Huish, Dalhousie University Associate Professor of International Development
https://www.dal.ca/news/2025/04/03/tariffs-trump-canada.html
"The old relationship we had with the United States, based on deepening integration of our economies and tight security and military cooperation, is over."
-Mark Carney
https://www.politico.com/news/2025/04/05/canada-us-friendship-trade-tariffs-trump-00273255
"Nobody should confuse Canadians' kindness with weakness."
-Mike Myers, Actor and Elbow Enthusiast
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVR9PaYDrTs
"I do think that Mr. Trump looks at our natural resources and has that acquisitive mind behind it."
-Marc Miller, Immigration Minister
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-quest-conquer-canada-confusing-everyone-rcna195657
"Yes, you’ll do damage to us in the short term, but we’ll fight back."
-Pierre Poilievre, Conservative Leader
https://www.ctvnews.ca/federal-election-2025/article/canada-to-wait-and-see-as-april-2-tariffs-loom/
"We had an auto industry before we traded with the United States. These are not the president's jobs to take."
-Lana Payne, Unifor President
https://www.newsweek.com/canadian-union-responds-trump-tariffs-2055300
"The. Auto. Tariff. Package. Will. Shut. Down. The. Auto. Sector. In. The. USA. And. In. Canada."
-Flavio Vlope, auto-parts lobbyist on X
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/livestory/carney-says-canada-will-fight-back-as-trump-takes-trade-war-to-the-world-9.6708337
"These tariffs can lead to general recession in the Canadian economy."
-Tu Nguyen, RSM Canada Economist
https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trumps-tariffs/article/canada-exempt-from-todays-reciprocal-tariff-announcement-white-house-fact-sheet-states-follow-live-updates/
"I think Canadians should take this lunatic threat seriously. By the same token Trump should take Canadian resistance every bit as seriously."
-Graydon Carter, Vanity Fair editor
https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2025/04/06/graydon-carter-interview-canada-trump-00272641
And hilarity ensued...
Trump "Makes America's Showers Great Again"
Trump "Makes America's Showers Great Again"
In a press release that starts "Undoing the Left's War of Water Pressure," the White House vows to overturn water conservation efforts under Obama and Biden, allowing for more than 2.5 gallons (about 9.46 litres) per minute. "No longer will showerheads be weak and worthless," it boasts.
Complaining he can't get the shampoo out of his, uh, "hair", Trump signed an executive order as his golden locks shimmered. "People buy a house, they turn on the sink, and water barely comes out. They take a shower, weater barely comes out," Trump said.
The fact sheet states that the U.S. President is "ending Biden's dumb war on things that work."
You can't make this stuff up folks.
Above: Trump's hair do is meticulously arranged in multiple parts, tinted a majestic gold, fascinating barbers and scientists alike.
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