Writing a "letter to my future husband or wife" is a way to talk to a partner you may not have met yet, or to your partner before the wedding. Share who you are now, what you hope for and what you promise, then seal it and choose when to give it.
Someone you haven't met yet. You write to a person you can't picture, about a life you hope to share.
Your partner before the wedding. A letter to read on the wedding morning, or to open on your first anniversary.
Yourself, in a way. Writing about the partner you hope for often shows you what you value.
You don't need to be dating, engaged or certain you'll ever marry. There's no deadline here. This letter is simply a place to put your hopes into words, whenever, and if ever, it's opened.
Who you are right now. Your age, where you live, what your days look like and what you're into.
Ordinary details. Research described by the Association for Psychological Science found that people underestimated how much they would enjoy reading later about a typical day with their partner, while they were fairly accurate about a special day like Valentine's Day. The everyday stuff is worth writing down.
What you've learned about love. From your family, your friends, past relationships or your own mistakes.
What you hope your life together feels like. Write about the feeling, not a checklist of traits.
What you're working on. A habit, a fear or a part of yourself you're trying to grow.
Promises you can keep. Small, specific and honest.
Questions for them. Things you'd love to know when you finally meet, or once you're married.
Right now, while I'm waiting to meet you, my life looks like...
Something I hope you'll love about me is...
Something I hope you'll be patient with is...
The kind of home I hope we make together feels like...
What I've learned about love so far is...
I wonder what you're doing today, because...
The moment I knew I wanted to marry you was...
Something ordinary about us that I never want to lose is...
What I admire most about you is...
When things get hard, I want you to remember...
In our first year, I hope we...
Something I've never told you is...
A promise I know I can keep is...
A tradition I'd love for us to start is...
What I hope we're like at 70 is...
What I hope we always make time for is...
These are example lines only, written for made-up people. Use them as a spark, then write your own.
Example: "It's a Tuesday in October and I'm eating cereal for dinner. I hope you don't mind that I still do this."
Example: "I don't know your name yet, but I already hope you laugh at your own jokes."
Example: "I'm learning to say what I need out loud. I'm still practicing, so be patient with me."
Example: "Tomorrow I marry you. Tonight I want to remember how calm I feel."
Example: "I promise to make the coffee on Sundays and to always ask how your day really went."
Write to a person, not a wish list. Skip lists of looks, income or must-haves.
Leave out timelines. No "by 30" or "before my sister." The letter will keep.
Be honest and light. Mention a flaw or two with a little humor.
Don't over-promise. Promise what you can actually do.
Keep it short. One or two pages is plenty.
Seal it right away. Write the date and "For my future husband," "For my future wife" or "For my future spouse" on the envelope.
Give it on the wedding morning. A natural choice if you're engaged.
Give it on your first anniversary. It can be fun to compare the letter with real life.
Reread it before you give it. If you wrote it years before you met, add a short note from today.
Or never give it. Some letters are just for you, and that's fine.
A sealed envelope in a drawer works, but if you want the letter to last for years, a few storage tips help. The National Archives suggests keeping papers below 75 degrees Fahrenheit with relative humidity below 65%, and storing them away from damp basements, garages and hot attics, ideally in acid-free, lignin-free folders or boxes. The Library of Congress advises against using rubber bands, self-adhesive tape and glue on paper, and recommends keeping papers out of direct or intense light. If you type your letter, keep it in a locked note or folder, and print a copy for safekeeping.
If you'd rather start by writing to yourself, here's how to write a letter to your future self.
Who you are now, what you hope your life together will feel like, a few promises you can keep and questions you'd love him to answer.
The same things: everyday details about your life now, what you've learned about love, your hopes for the two of you and an honest promise or two.
Good times are the wedding morning or your first anniversary. You can also keep it private and never give it.
Not at all. It's a way to think about what you value. Plenty of people write one and simply keep it.
Dear You: Daily Letters is made for letters to your future self rather than to a partner, so it suits a companion letter: a note to the you who might be reading it near your wedding day, sealed for anywhere from a week up to five years. Sealed letters open in the app on their scheduled date, and PDF export gives you a copy outside the app. It needs no account, has no ads and keeps your letters on your iPhone.
Get Dear You free on the App Store