Experiences
At the moment we are trying to expand our experience database - please come forward if you have an experience to (anonymously) share! We also welcome multiple accounts of similar experiences, as these emphasize the issue at hand.
This page lists all experiences, with the most recently submitted appearing at the top.
In the future - when enough experiences have been submitted - experiences will be organised into categories.
Please bookmark this page and keep returning to read newly submitted experiences.
All experiences (most recently submitted appear first)
I inquired about joining our university's undergraduate summer school (only 10 students per year are chosen, based on grades). The senior academic I asked - who had taught me multiple times - said it was unlikely I'd get in when I first asked. He then begrudgingly checked the grade rankings of our cohort and was surprised when my name was number 4.
This made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome because he made it seem like I didn't belong in the group and that, for whatever reason (in my case I believe since I am female), he didn't expect my grades to be as good as they were.
After contributing to a joint paper our group of authors were discussing whose name should be put on the paper as authors. I was the only woman in a group of 6 men. None of them were ever suggested to have not contributed significantly, despite the fact that some of their contributions were minimal, but I was interrogated on what exact contributions I had made and when.
This made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome because it was made clear that they had not listened to me when I had contributed to the group paper, and had falsely attributed my work to themselves.
At a summer conference in 30 degree weather I wore a sundress. My cleavage was not on display but the neckline was not high. I got started at aggressively and many male colleagues spoke to me while looking at my chest. It was so bad and humiliating that I walked in the heat back to my hotel and changed into more uncomfortable clothing which covered me up even more. Even some of my male friends (who often miss out on things like this) noticed how much people were staring at my chest.
I was talking with a group of fellow PhD students and among them was one of my co-authors. A male friend asked him about his current research, and he described the paper we were working on and how it was an extension of my previous work. The male friend didn't even look at me, despite my co-authors attempts to steer the conversation towards me. The friend continued to ask my co-author about our joint research in detail, and then about the work in my solo paper, but didn't say a word to me. Eventually I butted in and made a comment about the work being mine also, and this was reacted to with surprise and contempt - like I had offended the friend by inserting myself in a conversation that didn't concern me.
I was applying for a PhD with an esteemed and senior academic. I travelled to his institution to meet for an interview. During this time he referred to a woman in one of his anecdotes as 'tasty' and repeatedly sexualised her. This made me incredibly uncomfortable, as a woman that had travelled alone to spend time getting to know this man in an unfamiliar city.
I transitioned form male to female near end of my PhD and changed my name from "Old name" to "New name". Six month after my name change and before my defense, I asked my supervisor to write a recommendation letter for a post-doc position. He replied: I could have written one for "Old name", but cannot write anything for "new name".
I considered his statement sexist and so complained to the department head. They advised me: if you want us to follow up with your complain, you should consider that it may jeopardize your PhD.
So I withdrew my complaint, and graduated "successfully" two months after!
The day that I received notification of having received a prestigious predoctoral fellowship, a fellow student said to me, "You're so lucky you're [member of an under-represented group]. It's much harder for people like me get fellowships."
This made me uncomfortable because not only was the statement wrong (in fact, members of under-represented groups usually need to work much harder to reach the same milestones as more privileged individuals), but the comment minimized the value of my achievements, implying that I won the fellowship not because of my strengths as a researcher, but simply because of my membership in an under-represented group.
During a hiring round the department head noted that a few senior women had left in recent years (not because of anything bad, just to move on to take chairs mainly) and that a priority of the hires was to try to redress that.
This made me uncomfortable because I felt like that if any woman does get the job they have to do so in an environment where the head had said this openly and people might question their ability. I know there should be policies in place to stop discrimination but this felt like a very odd way to talk about hiring procedure.
A senior person at my work told a whole group of (mostly male) postdocs that women were given preference in the hiring procedure. This really made me feel like I didn't belong there, as well as making my male colleagues look at my presence differently (in my opinion).
Whenever a lecturer or speaker calls things “easy” or “trivial” ( This makes me feel uncomfortable because I often don't find these things easy to wrap my head around).
A department advisor told anyone asking “Should I take *insert name of the department’s infamously difficult course*?” that “If you have to ask that question, you definitely don’t belong in that course,” rather than actually trying to find out if the student is qualified.
(Context: I am a female PhD student) A PhD student who I didn’t know so well came up and gave me unsolicited feedback after a talk (of mine), where he basically said I had acted too “cute” in my presentation style. At the time I didn’t know how to respond and another woman stepped in...the whole conversation was very awkward.
Some guys comment on the clothes I wear by just listing them e.g. “you are wearing yellow today”. I am never sure if this is attempted ‘normality’ or ‘flirting’, but it stresses me out!
It makes me feel uncomfortable because I feel very 'observed' and I am not sure how to respond.
I was a teaching assistant for a course, and a student came to my office hours to complain about some points I had deducted on his homework. I politely said that I understood his point and explained why I stood by the grade I had given, but he wouldn’t leave my office until I said something flattering to him and made a small compromise to give back some of the points.
This made me uncomfortable because he clearly did not respect my authority and treated me like I didn't understand the material for the course I was teaching.
When I was a PhD student, a friend of mine told me he liked me, to which I essentially said “no thank you”. After this he sent a long love-letter to my department, containing some really inappropriate things. The whole situation was so uncomfortable for me it stopped me going to conferences he would be at the following year.
It especially made me feel uncomfortable because he didn't respect my initial answer, and he also sent a letter with inappropriate things to my work place.
I took a class where the professor liked to call on students at random to answer questions. Once I messed up an answer to a really basic question, and some of the other students laughed or gave me condescending looks.
I was made to feel uncomfortable whenever my professor made fun of students for giving wrong answers.
In the past academics from less underrepresented groups have dismissed my personal negative experiences being from an underrepresented group as exaggerated (“I don’t think it’s really that bad.”)
This made me uncomfortable because these people are essentially telling me that things that happened to me didn't actually happen. But it has also led me to over-analyze every negative experience I have to see if it's possible I am overreacting, and as a consequence I sometimes put up with behavior that should be considered unacceptable.
In general, when people say “We all learned this in kindergarden” and I haven’t learnt it yet...
This made me feel uncomfortable because i felt like I had somehow 'messed up' in my preparation for being at this stage in my career.
In conversation with a male academic, he said that our male-dominated field now has equal opportunity for women and refused to listen when I tried to share statistics and personal experiences that prove otherwise.
I find it very uncomfortable when people tell me a particular job should be easy for me to get because "they’re looking to hire a woman."
This made me uncomfortable because (a) if I get a job there, then everyone will think I only got the job because I'm a woman, and (b) if I don't get a job there, then everyone will think I must be truly incompetent (I couldn't even get that job when they were giving preference to women).
An older and very prominent professor responded to my comments about women in academia by saying “how far it had come in the past 30 years”, and used this to dismiss any problems I was facing.
I asked a lecturer a question on a definition in the first ‘catch up session’ before the course started (for students entering the course without all the required prerequisite knowledge) and they replied “I am sorry I can’t go that far back”.
At a department party, a (drunk) male professor flirted with all of the women PhD students and postdocs.
I asked a fellow student a question about an exercise and got the response, “Isn’t that just trivial?” This made me feel really stupid and like that student thought I didn't belong in our department.
Repeatedly bringing up a private “joke” of a sexual nature, even after I repeatedly said it wasn’t funny anymore.
I really dislike it when people lean in very close to talk to me, and then continue even if I lean away or step back.
When people say “She only got that job because she’s a woman.”
This made me uncomfortable because I worry that people also think that about me.
I have often had comments from people about how they ‘notice me’ because I am the only women in the room. As if I wasn't already aware of that...
This makes me feel uncomfortable because I know in these situations I am being noticed and stared at by lots of men, and it's uncomfortable to work well in such a scenario.
Even though I had a partner, a colleague professed love to me and then insisted I sit through him telling me all about it, even after I very clearly said no right at the start of the conversation.
This made me feel uncomfortable because I was not allowed to (or he made it feel like I would be very rude to) leave while he spoke to me, even though I had no interest and had clearly said so.
At a conference outing a colleague repeatedly asked to take a selfie with me and then pressed their face close to mine every time. I didn't know how to ask them to stop so I just put up with it, but I wish I hadn't.
Someone asked me which of the men was my boyfriend/husband at an academic party, when I was there as an academic.
People (especially older men) saying “you don’t look like a *insert field here*”.
Someone once asked a newly single woman which man they would "pick" at a conference, because there were many more men there than women (it was a young-person conference, I would hope this doesn't happen as you get older...).
It made me feel uncomfortable (even though I wasn't the woman being asked) because it insinuated that she was there to be someones partner as opposed to there as an academic.
Compliments or comments on personal appearance (especially a senior man to a junior woman).
This made me uncomfortable because I think this is inappropriate and unprofessional. It makes me feel like people are flirting or are sexualizing me, rather than treating me like a colleague.
In the middle of a difficult proof my lecturer said “If you aren’t following this lecture, you really shouldn’t be here”. I was totally gutted (I was not following) and I still haven't regained my confidence.
In a group conversation where I am the only woman, talking only to the other people and ignoring me. Similarly, in a group conversation where I am the only woman, talking only to me and ignoring the other people.
This made me uncomfortable because I don't want to be singled out or treated differently because of my gender.
When professors said “Of course you all know about X from high school”. Even if I did know, I hated that assumption.
When men stare or repeatedly glance at my chest. Especially when it's really obvious and they just know I am too shy to call them out on it.
The first person I ever met at the first conference I went to flooded me with questions about my research straight away, which I found super overwhelming.
Sometimes when the audience is asking questions after I’ve given a talk, audience members jump in and answer the question before I even get to say anything. It makes me feel like they assume I couldn’t possibly know the answer to the question. (I do not know if this is related to me being a member of an underrepresented group or not).
When men ask me (a woman) “Do you have a boyfriend?” shortly after we meet.
This made me uncomfortable because I never know if it's flirting or not. (And to be clear, I find it very uncomfortable if a colleague I just met flirts with me.)
A male colleague of mine would always casually follow me around at department social events (i.e. if I left a conversation and joined another, he would also join the new conversation a few minutes later).
My boyfriend is also an academic in the same field, and when I started my job a senior person at the university said to me "oh it's great you are here, because this means he will visit us more frequently".
This made me feel uncomfortable since it seemed like I was only valued for who I was dating, and not for my own presence academically at all.